The wall. It's not only one of the lead characters
in Game of Thrones.
It's also President Trump's most famous campaign promise.
Now, according to Trump, the wall is almost completely built,
and America is safer than ever before.
But at the same time, according to Trump,
he also says there is no wall, and America is in grave danger.
And I know those messages seem contradictory,
but remember that the bible does this all the time.
In the Old Testament, the bible is like, "Don't eat shrimp!"
Then in the New Testament, Jesus took everyone to Red Lobster.
So... Yeah.
They're like, "Jesus, why are we here?"
He's like, "Because you (bleep) me good, Judas, that's why."
Now don't forget...
Yes, Jesus listened to Beyoncé 'cause he new the future.
That's the whole point of the joke.
Now don't forget, just a month ago,
when Republicans still controlled all of Congress,
Trump couldn't get funding for his wall.
So with the Democrats in the House,
it's no surprise that the situation has escalated.
WOMAN: A new year, a new Congress in Washington,
and Trump's shutdown enters its third week.
17 days and counting
as President Trump refuses to back down on his budget demand
of five billion dollars for a border wall with Mexico,
and the government remains in partial shutdown.
Democrats standing firm
that no taxpayer dollars be used to build a wall.
The president repeatedly promised that Mexico would pay
for his unnecessary and ineffective border wall.
NEWSMAN: On Friday, he suggested the shutdown
may last months or even years.
If we have to stay out for a very long period of time,
we're going to do that.
Wow. The shutdown could keep going for years?
I bet Trump is just hoping that if it goes on long enough,
America can't afford to have another election,
and then he can just keep being president.
He'll be like, "Unfortunately, there's not enough money
"for an election, folks.
"We only have the funds to print one ballot,
"and I get to use it, so my vote is for Chester Cheetah.
"Anyone who wears sunglasses inside
is cool enough to be my president, folks."
Now, the thing about shutdowns is that if they end quickly
there's not much harm that is done, right?
But the longer they go on, the worse the effects are.
Think of it like this-- if you leave your cats
at home alone for the weekend,
they may not love it, but they'll be fine.
They'll just, like, drink toilet water or something.
All right? But if you're gone for six months,
you're gonna need some new cats, right?
-(laughter) -And...
Because they escape, and then they leave.
(laughter)
And 17 days into this shutdown,
let's just say that America's cats are starting to stink.
NEWSMAN: Tonight, nearly a dozen departments and agencies
have run out of funding.
Roughly 25% of the federal government gone dark.
NEWSWOMAN: Here are those departments--
Agriculture, Commerce, Justice, Homeland Security,
Housing and Urban Development, Interior, State,
Transportation, Treasury.
NEWSMAN: Many judges are furloughed,
creating a backlog in the immigration court system.
Then there are the farmers, already under duress
from the president's trade war with China--
the shutdown means they're not getting those stimulus payments
promised by their government.
NEWSWOMAN: The ripple effects extending
to the national parks, piling up with garbage,
even human waste, turning them into health hazards.
NEWSMAN: Park visitors in some places
are "taking care of business," shall we say,
along pathways or in the woods.
That's right. The shutdown has gotten so bad
that at national parks,
American are pooping on the ground.
Who's the shithole country now?
(laughter)
(applause, cheering)
At the same time, though, at the same time, though,
I thought shitting on the ground
is just what you do when you go camping in the woods.
I mean, I don't know why this is a problem.
I mean, I don't go camping, because I'm black,
but it's what I always assumed people do.
And the shutdown has gotten so bad
that the national zoo in Washington, D.C.,
has had to close everything down,
including their beloved Panda Cam.
Yeah. Which broke my heart.
'Cause I love the Panda Cam.
I relate to pandas-- I, too, am half black, half white.
And I also don't want to have kids.
So I, uh, decided that The Daily Show
was gonna do something about the Panda Cam being down,
which is why I'm proud to announce
we brought a live panda to the show!
-(cheering, applause) -No, no. I'm...
No, I'm... guys, I'm...
I'm just... I'm just messing with you.
We can't... we can't afford to bring a panda here.
We don't have that John Oliver HBO money, all right?
What we do have is some special effects that are really bad
and employees who have to do whatever I say.
So please welcome the star of our Panda Cam,
Michael Kosta, everybody!
(cheering, applause)
This is humiliating, Trevor.
I'm a grown man, and now you're...
I don't want to cut you off, Kosta, but can you just chew
on the bamboo while you speak, please?
Fine.
What I was saying was that this is undignified,
and if you keep treating us this way,
we won't be around much longer.
(chuckles): He's so cute. Look at him.
With his little stick. Thanks, Panda.
We'll check in later.
Ah, where were we. Ah, yes, the government shutdown.
Now, the shutdown is affecting lots of people,
but the people it's affecting most...
most directly are the government workers themselves.
You see, 800,000 federal employees
aren't getting paid right now.
And for a lot of them, it's really hitting hard.
NEWSWOMAN: Americans are talking about
the tough financial challenges they face on Twitter,
using the #shutdownstories.
In Wyoming, Ernie Johnson says, thankfully his auto loan
deferred his truck payment in January,
but if he doesn't receive back pay,
he'll likely be evicted February 1.
And Sarah Watterson, who describes herself
as a Marine Corps veteran on Twitter,
puts her family's struggle into perspective, saying...
The president says their pain is for a higher purpose.
The people that won't get next week's pay
or the following week's pay,
I think if you ever really looked at those people,
I think they'd say, "Mr. President, keep going.
This is far more important."
Why is Trump fantasizing
about what people are saying about the shutdown
instead of just listening
to what they're saying about the shutdown?
Like, he's fantasizing. He's up there like,
"I think what they would be saying is..."
"We're saying we hate it! We want our money!"
"Shh. Be quiet. I'm trying to imagine
"what you would be saying.
They would be saying I'm so handsome..."
And now, before you get totally mad at Trump,
remember, he isn't the kind of person
to just kick people out of work without offering them any help.
No. In fact, his Office of Personnel Management
is giving unpaid government workers some handy advice
on how to cope without cash.
The U.S. Office of Personnel Management
has advice for those federal employees
on how to deal with their precarious financial situations.
They make this suggestion.
Federal employees should offer to perform chores
in exchange for rent payment.
One example of this sample letter
to a landlord that reads in part...
You want people to trade rent for carpentry?
So we're going back to the barter system?
I mean, I knew Trump was gonna make America go backwards,
but not to the Middle Ages. I mean...
No, because at this rate, we're three weeks away
from America being a full-on barter system, right?
And as an African, let me tell you guys,
you do not want the barter system. Yeah.
You're gonna be sitting there trying to figure out
how many goats an iPhone is worth.
Is it one goat? Is it half a goat?
And you ever try to make change for a goat?
-It's not pretty, folks. -(laughter)
But as dire as the consequences seem,
the shutdown shows no signs of coming to an end.
Yeah. It's a record right now,
and that's really depressing news,
because... everyone doesn't know when it's gonna end,
we don't know where it's gonna go.
Which is why I thank God every day for our Panda Cam.
(laughter)
Panda, what... what are you doing?
Michael, you're supposed to be a real panda, dude.
It's for the people. A panda wouldn't be reading
-Michelle Obama's book. -Why? Are Pandas Republican?
No. Michael, just drop the book and do panda stuff, man.
You know, like roll around on the ground and shit.
-I mean, is that what you want? -(drops book)
Huh? Is this what you want, Trevor?
-Yeah! Panda! -Yeah? Are you not entertained?
Huh?
-This is dope. -I can't do this anymore.
Nah. I'm activating my white privilege.
Yeah. No.
Not doing it.
I'm sorry, you're... you're activating your what?
My white privilege, yeah. That's right.
Sir, you've been upgraded to first class.
-Right this way. -See? See what I mean?
There we go.
I knew it was a real thing.
Michael Kosta, everyone.