Alright, so, Barbara's back for another round of A Millions Dollars, But...
where we're gonna be asking each other what would we do for a million dollars.
And I think Barbara will do some funny things, so-
I'll probably say yes to everything
We're gonna test that today
I don't think you'll say yes to my one.
[laughs]
Okay, Barbara, since you're our guest, why don't you go first?
Alright. You get a million dollars.
For the rest of your life, every time you hear the 'Happy Birthday' song, you have to go over to the place it's being sung and eat the entire cake.
[laughs] Wow
So, it's not even for your birthday?
No. The moment it starts you have to get up, go over to-
So, not only is this a physical challenge, it's also incredibly rude.
Okay, so say you've been walking past a restaurant and they're singing it and you just bursted in. "Put that cake down, it's mine!", eat the whole thing, and I'm feeling just awful.
[laughing] You ate a whole cake!
And then I hear it again. Like, I physically can't eat another cake, like, do I have to just boke up the first one?
You do whatever you need to do to eat-
Hiding outside the restaurant, like, throwing up an old cake.
You see, like, 'Happy Birthday, Jimmy!" and you're just like *BOOF*!
[laughing] You're gonna get your ass kicked, like, on a regular basis. You're not even gonna get through the cake with some dad is going to be decking you.
The hard part would be, too, is that your friends would know this.
And then you get this enormous cake and then they're all singing the 'Happy Birthday' just to watch you have to eat this cake
Alright, a million dollars, every time you hear 'Happy Birthday' you have to eat a birthday cake.
You know, I'd probably do it.
I would do it, too. A million bucks?
I like the excuse to be able to eat other people's cakes.
What you're going to have done for a million dollars, you would have installed right at the top of your head, like, right by your hairline,
a red LED light, that every time you have a negative thought, it lights up red.
So, basically, we have a red light on our head?
[laughing] Yeah
Like, that's just a thing.
So, that's going to be really tough for a relationship.
You know, you're doing that things where it's like "Are you mad at me?" "No..." [BUZZ]
It goes, like, exactly right.
Or, like, even though, like, you're at work and, like, somebody is just talking to you about a project you're working on
And they're like "I think maybe we should go in this direction" [BUZZ]
[laughing]
That light's on "You don't like this idea?" "No, it's great, it's really great."
[laughing] BWEE! [BUZZ]
Okay, so, the image is this, then. Which would you prefer?
You get the red light, or your significant other for the rest of your life has the red light.
Yeah, I think it would be helpful in that scenario.
It would be really a bit weird if you're in bed with them, though, and it went on.
Yeah.
Like, [BUZZ] "What did I do wrong?"
That would be really tough.
It's just red the whole time.
Just the room lights up red.
Would you do it for yourself?
No.
I need the, uh, need the illusion.
Million dollars to you.
I'd do it.
Not a million dollars to you, unless you can get somebody else to sign off on it.
Yeah, I wouldn't do it.
Alright, what you got?
You get a million dollars.
But every year, on your birthday, the moment you turn whatever age,
you get warped back in time and you have to watch your parents conceive you.
Oh my god.
From a different angle each year
A different... why different angles?!
Keep it fresh!
[laughing] Oh. My god!
How long would you have to stand there?
That is entirely based on how long they took during that session.
So, if it's like they were having sex for, like, an hour and a half, you had to stand there for an hour and a half?
Yeah, you're in there for a while, it's like a movie.
Here's the thing, though. If you, like, after five or six years of this, you're like 'Okay, alright, then he's gonna go over there, then he's gonna flip here this way!'
It's like at that point you already know.
Pretty routine at that point
I don't know how, I would just imagine you warp in to the room and you're just like 'Boring!'
With a magazine like 'seen it'. I feel like we've been focusing heavily on Barbara's parents
but your parents was, like, a priest and a nun or something.
Yeah, they were [laughing]
The love's probably done through a bed sheet then. Yeah. They probably cut a hole in it and kinda just went to town.
What does it...wha...where they, like, go- conceive through a glory hole?!
That's what really religious people do. They...they cut a hole in the sheet and have sex through it so they're not really, like-
It was just- Doing it for procreating. Just a dick through a sheet?
A loop hole.
Now, Barbara, you got me envisioning my dad covered in his sheet with a boner poking out. That's all I [laughs] That's all I can think about now.
It's all I can think about!
It's like the worlds worst Halloween costume.
Oh my god. It's a ghost!
I think I would do it.
You would do it?!?
For a million bucks, yeah.
Oh! I would do it, too.
I would abs-I would do it. I can't...I'm blown away that you would both do that.
I definitely wouldn't do that.
Alright, well, after, I think, a very successful round of this game, once again, Barbara is richer.
Slapping them up. I'm the richest of them all.
It's like a birthday episode. It's like a birthday themed one.
If you liked this episode of Million Dollar But..., be sure to watch last weeks episode and subscribe to the Rooster Teeth YouTube channel.