Do not fall for these,
believe me, I know, because I did.
I'm gonna let you know in this video,
so that you don't fall for them too.
So, stay tuned for that.
Hey, there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, also a narcissist negotiation expert,
I’ve also dealt with narcissists in my personal life and
I do not want you to have to deal with them any longer and
I've helped thousands of people in my law practice,
I’ve also written two best-selling books,
“Negotiate like you M.A.T.T.E.R” and
“Breaking Free: Step- by-step divorce guide”.
So, make sure that you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell,
because I upload brand new videos every single day and
I'm on this mission to make sure that you guys are totally out
of these relationships with narcissists,
whether it's a business relationship, or a personal relationship.
I want to make sure you do not fall prey to these people anymore.
So, we're going to go through the top 5 mistakes
people make when dealing with narcissists.
I've seen these when people are negotiating with narcissists and
also so in dealing with them and
I've also made them myself,
in dealing with the narcissists that I've had to deal with.
I had to deal with a couple of covert narcissism my personal life,
one in a business setting and one in a family setting,
the one I'm saving for last is
the reason why I really wanted to make this video.
So, stay tuned for that.
They will future fake you,
they will make you think that they've changed,
what happens is,
you will leave, you will maybe come back,
you will think that they have changed,
they have not changed, okay?
Do not think that they have changed, don’t fall for that,
do not come into thinking they may have changed.
I have interviewed people on this,
I have talked to people on this,
you can listen to my interviews on this,
you can talk to people on this…
Don't think that they have changed,
They have not changed.
Unfortunately, they just don't, so, don't fall for that.
That's one of the top 5 mistakes that we make,
is falling for the future fake,
thinking they may have changed when they have not,
Don't fall for it!
You know what future faking is, right?
It's like, “Things are going to be better now”,
It's kind of like a love-bomb, but it's already happened,
like, you’re already in the relationship and
when you're trying to hold them accountable for something and
they say, “Oh, things are going to be different now”,
“Don't look into the past, look to the future”,
Don't think that they're going to change, they won't.
It’s a whole manipulation, okay?
You're not going to, okay? Just forget about it.
I thought I was going to be able to
closure in my relationship with the business narcissist.
You just can't.
I thought that I was going to be able
to have a nice amicable relationship going forward,
You can't.
I've seen people fall prey to this many times as well and
you’re just not going to be able to do that.
As much as you try to wrap things up
in a nice little bow and move forward nicely,
they're just not capable.
They're just too wounded and
so, as much as you think you're going to try to get closure,
you're going to have to get your own closure,
just knowing that you can move forward,
knowing that you are healed,
knowing that you are going to be a better person
from everything that you're learning from this situation,
that's the closure that you're getting.
Thinking that you're going to maybe get acknowledgement
for anything that you contributed to the relationship
because you're not going to get it.
You're not going to get acknowledgement from them,
they're not going to say,
“Oh, yeah, you're right, you did a good job”,
“Oh, yeah, you're right, you contributed to my career”,
or “Yeah, you helped me in that situation”
or “You made my life better in this way”,
You're not going to get that,
they're not going to make it seem like,
sure, you get to take credit for anything,
in fact, if anything,
they're going to make it look like you're the problem.
I have a whole video on that,
5 ways they actually try to make you look like you’re the problem and
you can check out my video on that.
So, they're definitely not going to give you credit for anything.
We make this mistake of thinking,
try to give me credit for this,
try to give me, acknowledge me and
if I could just talk to you one more time,
if I could just get you to see…
Stop. Stop banging your head against that wall,
banging your head against a brick wall would be more satisfying.
That's the next big, huge, mistake.
You're not going to get any kind of loyalty.
The only loyalty that they have,
is to the highest bidder for their supply,
you know that they need an endless amount of narcissistic supply,
you know that they are going to go to
wherever the best form of supply is that they can get and
so that's where they're going to go.
I mean, they're going to go to wherever they can get it,
they're like vultures.
So, if down the road there was a better form of it,
that's where they're heading and
they're not going to have loyalty towards you,
if there's a better form of supply somewhere else,
so you can't take that personally
because it really doesn't have anything to do with you,
it only has to do with them, okay?
Ready for the last one?
This is really the reason why I wanted to do this video,
I was actually going to maybe do the video on just this topic,
I was actually thinking about maybe just doing it
on the one big mistake we make with narcissists,
but then I thought, well, there are so many,
so I decided I’d mention the other ones,
but this is really the one that I see so often in negotiating
that I thought I have to mention this one.
It doesn't, okay?
If you think you're negotiating with them in some way and
that giving them something on the front end,
is going to get you something on the back end,
you're like, totally kidding yourself,
because it's not, they're just going to take it and
be like, “Oh, okay, great”
And… your point is what?
It's like, it's done.
They have it and that's it, now they want more.
So, what I see a lot of times is, people will say,
“Well, I'm going to show them how nice I'm being,
because I'll show them I don't want any part of their retirement,
or I'll show them that I won't touch this,
or I won't ask them for support,
or whatever, giving up leverage and
then, they just take that and
then, they realize down halfway into the case,
they're like, that didn't help at all,
the narcissist is being horrible and horrendous anyway and
now, they've given up that leverage,
now, they wish they hadn't been that way,
or they didn't hire the good lawyer,
or they didn't get a custody agreement done at the beginning,
like their lawyer told them to,
or whatever it was that they didn’t do,
because they thought that this gratuitous giving will garner
some sort of favor for them down the road.
It doesn't, it’s a big lie, it’s a big fat waste of time.
They will not honor agreements,
they'll just take and they will not see or acknowledge that,
and you're just going to end up feeling used and abused.
Let me just tell you,
if they were a lying, denying, and a horrible spouse,
they're not going to be better during the divorce and
this goes as well if you're breaking up in a business relationship,
or any kind of a relationship,
this is a massive mistake that I see with people;
somehow you think that if you show them how nice you are,
that they're going to see that and
you'll be rewarded for that.
You WON’T.
You don’t want to fall into that trap,
you got to take care of yourself,
you got to do what you have to do to end up at fair,
don't feel guilty for that,
do what you have to do to take care of yourself,
do what you have to do to take care of your family,
if you have kids, etc.
That's my thought on that and
if you are in a relationship with a narcissist,
or you think you might be,
I do have a free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
get that, it's a 15 pages free e-book,
get it at winmynegotiation.com.
Join my free private Facebook group,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment.
If you've seen this,
give me a “Totally” in the comments.
I'd also love to see what else you guys have seen,
drop me a comment below,
make sure you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell,
because I upload new videos every day.
I'm here for you guys,
I want to see you negotiating your best life,
It is time, don't you think?
I think it's time, I definitely do.
I'll see you in the next video,
Until then, Namaslay!