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- Did you poop during labor?
So I was so scared that I was gonna poop during labor.
I literally told my boyfriend,
I was like, "If I poop, please don't tell me
"because I will be so embarrassed."
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- Was your pregnancy planned?
Absolutely not.
- It was, actually.
- Kinda. (laughs)
Did we sit down
and say, "Hey, you wanna have a baby?
"'Cause I wanna have a baby"?
No.
Were we having sex unprotected?
Yeah.
- Even though I took a Plan B literally like
five hours later, I still got pregnant.
And I asked the doctor,
I was like, "How?"
She was like, "You were ovulating
"and basically the Plan B
"can't stop ovulation,
"it can only prevent ovulation."
- We were using condoms every time,
and I don't know what happened.
- Any time anyone says,
like, "Just get on birth control."
I was on birth control
and it still happened, so...
- Were you and your partner
still sexually active while you were pregnant?
Yes. (laughs)
- No, 'cause I was single.
- I personally did not notice a difference
except for when I was like really big
because you have to navigate that.
But it was good.
- It's so weird because naturally,
I'm not a like over-sexual person
and during pregnancy, I was very sexual,
like, all the time.
And definitely after pregnancy,
it vanished. (laughs)
- I don't know if I'll ever be pregnant again
to find out if it could be good (laughs)
but it was not. (laughs)
It was not pleasant.
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- What was labor like?
I cried a lot.
I cried for like 20 hours straight.
- My labor was unexpectedly long.
It was 48 hours.
- They had to induce me
because my water was leaking
but I wasn't getting contractions.
And then, when I actually pushed,
that wasn't bad at all 'cause he came out
in like 10 minutes.
The bad part was after,
like having to pee and use the bathroom and stuff.
I tore inside when I had him,
so they had to stitch up inside
and it hurt for literally a month.
- As a black woman,
it's scary to go into the hospital.
My biggest fear was
that I wasn't gonna have a natural birth,
or a vaginal birth.
I didn't.
A C-section is major surgery.
Your body is being cut open,
they're moving your organs around. (laughs)
In this society,
the average woman doesn't even have the ability
to sit at home for six weeks
and be like, all right, I'm gonna heal from major surgery.
- I did have an emergency C-section.
I barely remember it.
I felt like I was so hopped up on drugs.
Yes, you might be kind of numb,
but I definitely felt like I could feel my doctor's hands
so deep inside of my stomach cavity.
Then, they pulled her out
and she cried, and it is true what they say.
Like, it's one of the most beautiful sounds ever.
After that, not so much. (laughs)
The first cry, the best.
- Did you poop during labor?
So I was so scared that I was gonna poop during labor.
I literally told my boyfriend,
I was like, "If I poop, please don't tell me
"because I will be so embarrassed."
I luckily didn't.
- I don't know.
They didn't tell me.
- No, I did not poop during labor
because I didn't have to push.
- What happens is when you have a C-section,
they have to make sure that you actually,
you know, use the restroom before you leave the hospital,
because the whole process of pulling a baby out
via C-section is kind of hard on your bowels.
- Did you have any difficulties during your pregnancy?
I had high blood pressure.
Usually, a woman's blood pressure goes down
when she's pregnant.
Mine stayed at what they call a high normal
up until I was induced at 37 weeks pregnant.
- I fainted a couple of times,
just due to like low blood sugar.
I've never fainted before in my life.
- During my pregnancy,
I didn't really have any difficulties.
It was mostly during childbirth that I did.
So my son's heart rate had dropped like really bad
when he was in my belly.
They had to use like this little suction thing
to get, to help me push him out
because he wasn't coming out fast enough,
but my pregnancy actually was super like a breeze.
I loved like having a belly and everything.
It was so cute. (laughs)
- By month two, I'm like, okay, I'm into this
and miscarried at 15 1/2 weeks.
It was definitely like
a very like traumatic experience.
I was at home and started cramping really bad.
And I was like, oh, something's definitely wrong,
and then started spotting
and then just like really, really bleeding.
And I got myself into the shower
'cause I couldn't walk.
And
I think it was just more sad than anything.
The physical side of it,
it was really painful, like
it literally felt like somebody
was just like stabbing my uterus like over and over again.
Like my, just the whole area.
I called 9-1-1
and I was like, "I think something's wrong.
"I think I might be mis-carrying."
And they're like, "Do you need us to send somebody?"
"No, no, like, don't send anybody.
"I can't afford an ambulance drive right now." (laughs)
I was like, "Don't send anybody."
And she's like, "Okay, you just need me on the phone
"with you?"
And I was like, "Yeah."
She was really nice little Southern lady. (laughs)
She was super sweet
and just kind of talked me through
and like, "You're gonna be okay,"
like, "Everything's fine."
Like, and she told me,
she was like, "Okay, it's gonna be really weird
"but like go to your gynecologist."
And so I called and like made an emergency appointment
for the next day
and like had to go in and get the rest of everything
like scraped out.
And I just laid there the whole time,
like embarrassed and sad,
and like, I just really wanted my mom.
I think leaving the relationship I was in
at the time that I did
was probably the healthiest thing I've done for myself
in a really long time.
And I have so much love for him.
Like, very much still involved in his life,
we're still really close friends.
I think knowing that like
we both kind of get to like
move on and like live our best lives
in like the healthiest manner
has been what's like getting me through it.
- Did you consider having an abortion?
Would you have gotten an abortion?
When I told my mom, she was like,
"Okay, let me schedule your abortion appointment."
And she did.
The morning of the abortion appointment,
I told her like I can't do it.
- We did think about it,
we thought about all of our options.
- No.
And that's because I was 26.
Girl, you did this, be a woman
and have the baby.
- I made a decision to have an abortion
before I was even pregnant.
I texted him.
I was like, "Hey, we need to talk.
"I'm pregnant and I'm getting an abortion."
And he started crying,
which was totally fine,
but I remember it being like,
"Hey, like, I'm the pregnant one here,
"like I wanna cry.
"Can you comfort me?"
- It's different for different people.
Like, I didn't feel ashamed of the decision,
but it's an emotional thing nonetheless.
The worst part about it
were the just insane amount of adults
that were outside of the clinic
screaming in my face,
telling me to go to hell
and that I was a murderer
when I was 17 years old.
It really like stands out as like a huge part
of the experience, which is crazy.
- I went to Planned Parenthood in the morning.
I remember they gave me the pill
in like a little cup.
Like, "Hey, are you sure?"
Like, "Once you take this, you cannot go back."
And I was like, "Yeah, I'm sure."
And then, I had to go get a prescription
for the second pill
'cause it's two pills, medication abortion.
I think it was like eight hours.
Nausea and then vomiting,
cramping, bleeding,
diarrhea, sometimes all happening at the same time.
I do want to be a mom
and I had an abortion because I want to be a good mom
when I'm ready.
- I considered it, I did it,
and I do not regret it at all.
- This is gonna be a hard one.
How was your perception
of your body image
and how has it changed?
- I wanted to look pregnant.
I didn't want to be a fat person
who was pregnant and nobody knew.
- It's definitely hard to look at my stomach
and see like the loose skin
and the weird weight gain that happens in different areas
that's super hard to get rid of.
- Throughout my adolescence,
I struggled with an eating disorder.
I was hospitalized for it multiple times.
It was just really hard
to watch my body create something so beautiful
and so magical to me
and to shame myself for it
and to feel out of control,
and because that's what an eating disorder
is all about is this managing and controlling
everything in your life.
After my pregnancy,
it was even more challenging.
It was my job and my duty
to make sure that my daughter was fed from me.
I did not let like the physical self
get in the way of making sure
that I'm taking care and nurturing my child.
- Do you regret getting pregnant?
Not even a little bit.
- I never regretted it, like even when I found out,
it wasn't something where I was like,
this is a mistake.
- I regret the partner.
I don't regret the pregnancy.
- I feel like that's like weird
because I would like expect them,
"Do you regret getting an abortion?"
But do you regret getting pregnant?
I feel like no one's ever asked me that question before.
- I love my son, like I think it's the best thing
that ever happened to me
and I think that being a young mom was for me.
I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
I love it. (laughs)
- I had all those emotions
and then I had all the opposite emotions
when like, oh, my gosh,
what am I gonna do?
None of my friends are gonna like me anymore
'cause they're all like super like Jesus-y,
which sounds terrible
because I am, too,
but then as soon as I told them that I miscarried,
they were like,
"Why didn't you tell us that you were pregnant?
"We would've done baby showers
"and all the clothes and all the things."
- I feel like maybe yeah,
back in the day, I would've been like,
oh, my God, absolutely,
like, I wish I would've never fucking got pregnant,
but now, like I'm very aware
that I'm kind of put here to be able to better empathize
and be compassionate towards people,
and I think I went through it for a reason
and I don't regret it.
- [Interviewer] What is something you wish
you had learned sooner in sex ed?
- I definitely wish I had learned
just a lot more about like birth control options
and how easy it is to get pregnant.
- I wish that I had learned about sex, period, sooner.
And I wish that it was more of an everyday conversation,
like we talk about food,
instead of, oh, my God, sex,
like it's like, you know,
like it's just so, such a bad thing.
- What I learned from my teenage years
is that regardless of what my mom said,
I was gonna find a way to do what I wanted to do anyway.
And it was just behind her back,
which was just making it more dangerous for me.
My goal is for my kids
to be able to trust me when it comes to things like that.
I don't know exactly how I'm gonna do that yet, (laughs)
I just know that I want my household
to be very open, conversation-wise.
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