-Enjoy yourself. Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "The Tonight Show."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you all for being here. Today is Monday.
There are so many great days of the week.
♪ Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday ♪
♪ Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday... ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
There's a lot of buzz in the building right now,
also in New York City, 'cause Jungkook is here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And, also, yesterday was the New York City Marathon.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Anyone here run the marathon?
[ Scattered cheers ]
There's probably more. They're just too tired to clap.
It's just -- Running a marathon is weird
because yesterday you were a superhero.
Today you need help getting out of a chair.
You know what I'm saying? I love the New York City Marathon.
It's the only time you can brag about
finishing in 34,000th place.
[ Laughter ]
But this is cool -- the winner of the marathon
set a new course record
of 2 hours, 4 minutes, and 58 seconds.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Everyone was like, "Okay -- you and only you
are allowed to post on Instagram.
No one else."
Meanwhile, the big news is that, according to a new poll,
former President Trump is leading President Biden
in five swing states.
Has a lot of people talking.
Here. Take a look at this whole thing.
When asked who should be president in 2024,
15% said Donald Trump,
10% said Joe Biden,
74% said, "No, we are absolutely not doing this.
Absolutely not.
The election is 364 days away.
So take your little poll and lose my number.
I don't have the mental energy for this.
Honestly, I'm just trying to make it
to Thursday's 'Golden Bachelor.'
I'm not deciding between Trump and Biden
before Gary decides between Theresa and Faith.
They both have such a zest for life.
I don't know what Gary's going to do.
All I know is that he's proven that love
doesn't have an expiration date.
Which is a nice way of saying
you can still get freaky-deaky in your 70s."
And finally, 1% said Ron DeSantis.
So, we have a whole year of this.
We have a whole year of all of this.
I'm not ready.
That's right. New polling shows that Trump leads Biden
in nearly every key battleground state.
Yep, it's not a good sign when Biden's advisers
are like, "Good news, sir, though.
You're leading in Guam."
Since whatever he's doing is working,
Trump plans to commit at least 90 more felonies.
[ Laughter ]
Speaking of Trump,
today he testified in his New York civil fraud trial,
and he blew up on the witness stand,
arguing with the judge
and attacking the New York Attorney General.
Yep, Trump spent the entire day in court
arguing and calling people names,
so it's basically just another
♪ Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday ♪
♪ Friday, Saturday, Sunday ♪
For him. For him.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, Trump refused to cooperate,
and at one point the judge told him to,
"Please answer yes or no."
And Trump went, "Yes or no."
[ Laughter ]
It was nuts. Trump was yelling. The judge was annoyed.
And the lawyers were trying to keep peace.
The courtroom basically turned into everyone's Thanksgiving.
But yesterday actually marked exactly one year
until the 2024 presidential election,
which means campaigns are in full swing
and all the candidates are running new TV ads.
I mean, for instance, here's one from Trump.
-Our country needs a strong leader.
Donald Trump. Make America great again.
-Yeah. Now here's one from Biden.
-America cannot go backwards. We must push forward.
Joe Biden. Finish the job.
-Yeah. Here's another one.
-Ron DeSantis did not secretly put lifts
in his shoes to look taller.
Ron DeSantis. I am a good normal height.
[ Laughter ]
-That was weird.
[ Applause ]
That was a weird one. But anyway...
Here's one from Tim Scott.
-An experienced, principled conservative.
Tim Scott. Stand up for America.
-Yeah. Here's another one.
-Ron DeSantis. Lift America to new heights.
Wait. No. Ron DeSantis. He's a shoe-in.
No. Not that. Ron DeSantis. Heel the nation.
Nope. Next. Ron DeSantis.
Me big tall boy. Me big and strong.
Nope. Ron DeShortis. Wait. That's not his name.
Feet de 5'6". It's getting worse. Forget it.
-Feet de 5'6"?
[ Applause ]
I don't know what's going on.
Well, okay. Here's one last candidate.
-Nikki Haley. Ron DeSantis wears bigger heels than I do.
-Alright. That's enough. This is -- This is --
That's a year away.
-Come on. -Gonna be a long year.
Some more political news.
Today President Biden visited an Amtrak station in Delaware
to talk about new funding for rail projects.
Yep, that's everyone's biggest concern right now --
Amtrak.
Yeah, Biden's talking trains. Trump's yelling in court.
So they're both doing what they love.
[ Laughter ]
Some news from overseas.
I read that Vladimir Putin plans to run again
in next year's presidential election.
And somehow Putin is also leading Biden
in five swing states.
-Really? -Yeah. I don't know.
If Putin wins, he'll serve his fifth term as president.
And if he loses, he'll serve his fifth term as president.
[ Laughter ]
It's fun. The ballot has two options --
"Putin" or "drink this."
[ Laughter ]
I saw that Mark Zuckerberg just announced that he tore his ACL
while training for an upcoming MMA fight.
[ Laughter ]
The doctor was like, "[Chuckles] Seriously.
How'd you hurt yourself?
Did you press Ctrl-Alt-Delete too hard?"
Some business news. I heard that Tyson
is recalling 30,000 dinosaur-shaped nuggets
because they might contain pieces of metal.
[ Audience groans ] Doesn't sound good,
but they're trying to put a positive spin on it.
Take a look at this.
-Hey, kids! Are you hungry for fun?!
-Kids: Yes!
-Do you love chicken?! -Kids: Yes!
-Then you gotta try Tyson's Dinosaur Nuggets:
Hint of Metal! -Kids: What?!
-Featuring some all-new dinosaur friends like...
Bruce the dinosaur with braces...
Calvin the coin-collecting dinosaur...
plus Ricky the robotosaurus.
And who knows what's in the mystery shrapnel!
[ Chuckles ] Try them today!
-Warning. Do not microwave or they will explode.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Well, this is going viral.
A baker in the UK spent five days
making a giant, lifelike King Charles cake.
Can we see a photo of this?
-Oh. -Oh.
-That cake's more lifelike than the real King Charles.
Finally, before we move on, I'd like to take a moment
to thank some of our sponsors for tonight's show.
They don't always fit in the commercial breaks,
and we want to make sure that we mention all of them.
It's time for "Tonight Show Sponsors."
-♪ "Tonight Show" Sponsors ♪
♪ "Tonight Show" Sponsors ♪
-French's mustard.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally...
That's all for "Tonight Show Sponsors."
We have a great show!
Give it up for the Roots! Come on, now!
♪ A mind designed to find a rhyme that's right on time ♪
♪ Step beyond and not behind the line ♪
♪ I separate thought from divine ♪
♪ Take it as a caution or a warning sign ♪
-What a show we have for you tonight.
He is a five-time...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Five-time Grammy-nominated artist
and pop superstar who you know from BTS.
His debut solo album, "Golden," is out now.
Jungkook is here!
♪♪
Love him.
We will be talking to Jungkook, and he's performing
the TV debut of his latest single,
"Standing Next to You," later in the show.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm so happy for this guy. I know.
-He's just so talented and so good.
The song is great, by the way, the new jam.
And he also -- he gave me his new record and signed it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Laughs ]
-"Love you, bro." -"Love you, bro."
-Also, I'm very excited to announce
our other guest tonight.
This is unbelievable.
They're a very, very funny comedy trio
who you can see on "Saturday Night Live."
John Higgins, Martin Herlihy, Ben Marshall
of Please Don't Destroy are joining us tonight.
Dude. -Come on!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Come on!
-Higgins, this is -- -This is crazy.
-This is John. This is your son, John Higgins.
-This is John, who would come in the studio
when he was this big. -Are you --
I know you're always a proud papa, but are you...
Are you a proud dad? This is -- He's on "The Tonight Show."
-It's over -- It's, like, numb. -Yeah.
-You know what I mean? -You're so proud, it's numb.
Yeah. -So now all my kids
are better than me, so I'm happy.
-[ Laughs ] Yeah. I'm just so excited.
He's such a funny guy.
But, man, they're crushing on "Saturday Night Live."
Those Please Don't Destroy videos...
-They're just great. -They're fantastic.
I'm so happy for them.
They're on the show tonight. Please Don't Destroy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Please Don't Destroy. Yeah.
Don't freak out. Go sit on the side.
-I will sit in -- -Or go walk backstage.
-I'll be backstage. -Yeah. Yeah.
'Cause I don't want him freaking out, either.
-I don't want to wet my pants. -No. Again.
-Again. -Exactly. Yeah.
Well, it's a new week, and I have a lot of questions.
And I'm gonna get them answered right now
by someone who knows everything.
Alexa. It's time for "Ask Alexa."
♪♪
-♪ Ask Alexa ♪
-Now, this -- I'm just gonna talk to the Alexa.
-The Alexa. Great. -And we'll get it going.
-Is that the microphone? What is that?
-No, this is the -- this is the Bluetooth.
-Oh. Bluetooth plug. Okay.
-The Bluetooth -- No. This is the --
Yeah, this is the micro-- CB radio.
[ Laughter ]
So you know that it's really plugged in.
-Yeah. It's a real thing. This is not a comedy bit.
-No. This is not a comedy bit. This is real life.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Alright. Let me think of some random questions.
Here is the first one.
Alexa, how far away are we from Christmas?
-Alexa: We are 49 days away from Christmas.
Unless you're CVS. Then it's already Christmas Day.
-That's true. Yeah. That's true. She knows.
-These are off the top of your head?
These are just off the top of your bean?
-Yeah. You want me -- -Ask another one. Yeah.
-Alright. How about this one?
I'll just take this out now.
[ Laughter ]
Now it's full-on wireless. -Full-on wireless. Yeah.
Ooh, it's a rolling. Alexa. -Yes. How about this one?
Alexa, what movie should I see this weekend?
-Oh.
Alexa: "Five Nights at Freddy's."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Isn't that the one where robots kill people?
-Alexa: Yes. It's the feel-good movie of the year. Ha ha ha.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-How about this one here?
Alexa, whose slogan is "you're in good hands"?
-Alexa: That's easy. Lauren Boebert.
-Hey! Come on. Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Beetlejuice!
-Alexa.
[ Laughter ]
...funny here. Alexa, what age do people stop growing?
-Alexa: Most people reach their full height by age 20,
except for rare cases like Ron DeSantis,
who is continuing to get taller at age 45.
-Fascinating.
[ Applause ]
-Hey. -These are all great answers.
-These are all great answers.
You're just asking random questions.
-Yeah. Alexa, how can people
save enough money for retirement?
-Alexa: You will save enough for retirement
if you cancel literally one streaming service.
-There you go. Just one. -Yeah. Just one.
-How about this one?
Alexa, how do most people find fulfillment?
-Alexa: Most people find fulfillment
with Olive Garden's unlimited soup and salad.
-Pretty good.
-Not breadsticks? -She's right.
-Let's ask one more question.
Alexa, can you order me tickets to Taylor Swift Eras tour?
-Alexa: You've got to be [bleep] kidding me.
Now, can we end this bit so we can get to Jungkook?
[ Cheers and applause ] -That's it.
That's all the time we have for "Ask Alexa." Stick around.
We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show." What...