PEOPLE ARE STILL ANGRY ABOUT THE HEALTH CARE BILL THAT CONGRESS
PASSED LAST THURSDAY.
>> Audience: BOO!
YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE, BUT THANK YOU.
AND TRUMP KNOWS WHY: "WOW, THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA DID
EVERYTHING IN ITS POWER TO MAKE THE REPUBLICAN HEALTH CARE
VICTORY LOOK AS BAD AS POSSIBLE.
FAR BETTER THAN OCARE!" "OCARE," OF COURSE, IS AN
ABBREVIATION FOR THE WORDS "OBAMA" AND "CARES IF YOU DIE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND HOUSE REPUBLICANS-- YAY!
YAY!
WE'RE GONNA DIE!
AND HOUSE REPUBLICANS ARE TAKING HEAT, LIKE IDAHO CONGRESSMAN AND
HISPANIC DILBERT, RAUL LABRADOR.
>> YOU'RE MANDATING PEOPLE ON MEDICAID ACCEPT DYING.
YOU ARE MAKING A MANDATE-- >> NO ONE WANTS ANYBODY TO DIE.
YOU KNOW, THAT LINE IS SO INDEFENSIBLE.
NOBODY DIES BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO HEALTH
CARE.
( CROWD BOOS ) >> Stephen: HE'S RIGHT.
HE'S RIGHT.
THEY DIE FROM SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT TO AN ANGRY MOB WITH
NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YOU CAN'T SAY THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT IS BALLSY.
LABRADOR DEFENDED HIS REMARKS, SAYING, "DURING TEN HOURS OF
TOWN HALLS, ONE OF MY ANSWERS ABOUT HEALTH CARE WASN'T VERY
ELEGANT."
OH, THE PROBLEM ISN'T "WHAT" HE SAID.
IT'S THAT IT WASN'T SAID ELEGANTLY.
LET ME TRY FOR JUST A SECOND.
LET ME TRY.
UH-HUH HELP UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ) THIS REALLY MESSES WITH YOUR
DEPTH PERCEPTION.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO.
NOBODY DIES BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO HEALTH CARE.
( LAUGHTER ) ELEGANT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOOK WHERE I LIT IT.
LOOK WHERE I LIT IT.
THERE YOU GO.
THAT IS SOME-- THAT IS SOME GOOD FILTER.
( LAUGHTER ) ANOTHER DEFENDER OF THE BILL WAS
DIRECTOR OF THE OFFICE OF MANAGEMENT AND BUDGET AND MAN
ASKING GOD TO STRIKE HIM DOWN NOW, MICK MULVANEY.
THIS SUNDAY, HE TOLD CBS'S JOHN DICKERSON WHY WE SHOULDN'T WORRY
ABOUT THE NEW HEALTH CARE BILL.
>> THE BILL THAT PASSED OUT OF THE HOUSE IS MOST LIKELY NOT
GOING TO BE THE BILL THAT IS PUT IN FRONT OF THE PRESIDENT.
>> SO THE PRESIDENT KEPT SAYING THIS IS A GREAT BILL AND IT'S A
GOOD BILL BUT IT'S INCOMPLETE ISIA WHATYOU'RE SAYING.
>> WE REMEMBER SCHOOL HOUSE ROCK WHEN WE WERE KIDS, I'M A BILL,
YES A BILL, BUT IT'S GOING TO GO THROUGH THAT PROCESS.
>> Stephen: OOD IT'S JUST LIKE SCHOOL HOUSE ROCKS.
HERE TO RESPOND FROM THE CAPITOL STEPS, PLEASE WELCOME HEALTH
CARE BILL.
BILL, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: BILL LET ME JUST ASK YOU SOMETHING--
♪ I'M JUST A BILL, YES I'M ONLY A BILL.
♪ AND I'M SITTING HERE ON CAPITOL HILL ♪
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.
>> THAT'S MY SONG?
>> I KNOW IT'S YOUR SONG, BILL.
IT'S HOW YOU'RE KNOWN.
BUT DO YOU AGREE WITH MICK MULVANEY THAT ARE YOU NOT YET IN
YOUR FINAL FORM?
>> THAT'S RIGHT, STEPHEN.
THE HOUSE MAY HAVE PASSED ME, BUT NOW I GO TO THE SENATE, AND
THE WHOLE THING STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.
IT'S A LONG JOURNEY, BUT I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A LAW!
>> Stephen: BILL, YOU SHOULD KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T
LIKE YOU.
>> THEY DON'T?
BUT, STEPHEN-- ♪ I'M JUST A BILL
YES I'M ONLY A BILL ♪ AND I'M SITTING HERE --
>> Stephen: WE KNOW.
LISTEN.
>> OH, THAT'S RIGHT, WE ESTABLISHED THAT.
>> Stephen: NOW, BILL, I HAVE TO ASK-- HAVE YOU EVEN READ
YOURSELF?
>> WELL, NO, I THOUGHT THE CONGRESS WOULD
READ ME.
>> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T, BILL, AND IF YOU BECOME LAW, 24
MILLION PEOPLE COULD LOSE THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE.
>> WHAT?
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
WELL, AT LEAST I COVER PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS.
>> Stephen: NO, YOU DON'T DO THAT, EITHER.
>> MY GOD, I'M A MONSTER.
WHO CREATED ME?
>> Stephen: BILL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT
DONALD TRUMP...
IS YOUR FATHER.
>> NO!
THAT'S NOT TRUE!
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: READ YOURSELF, BILL.
READ YOURSELF, BILL.
YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE.
>> NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
>> Stephen: CALM DOWN, BILL, CALM DOWN.
IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
>> NO, I HAVE TO BE STOPPED.
IF NO ONE ELSE WILL DO IT, I'LL VETO MYSELF!
>> Stephen: NO, BILL!
NO, BILL, DON'T!
>> AAARRGGHHH!
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD.
HE'S-- HE'S DEAD.
>> NO, I'M NOT.
THEY MADE COPIES.
WE'RE ALL SCREWED!
>> Stephen: HEALTH CARE BILL, EVERYBODY.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE JON STEWART, JOHN OLIVER, SAM BEE, ROB CORDDRY,
AND ED HELMS!
STICK AROUND.