LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT.
WELL, WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TERM IN
OFFICE.
AND IN AN INTERVIEW WITH FOX NEWS THIS WEEK, DONALD TRUMP WAS
ASKED TO GRADE HIS PERFORMANCE SO FAR, AND HIS ANSWER PROBABLY
SHOULDN'T SURPRISE YOU ONE BIT TAKE A LOOK.
>> I WOULD GIVE MYSELF -- LOOK, I HATE TO DO IT, BUT I WILL DO
IT -- I WILL GIVE MYSELF AN A-PLUS.
IS THAT ALL RIGHT?
CAN YOU GO HIGHER THAN THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> JAMES: YEAH, YOU CAN JUST
TELL HOW MUCH HE HATED DOING THAT.
AN A PLUS IS A ROOKIE MISTAKE.
ANYONE WHO HAS EVER LIED TO THEIR PARENTS ABOUT THEIR REPORT
CARD KNOWS YOU GIVE YOURSELF AN A MINUS SO IT FEELS
SEMI-REALISTIC.
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP GAVE HIMSELF AN A-PLUS.
I HAVE TO SAY, WITH GRADES LIKE THAT, I THINK HE SHOULD BE ABLE
TO SKIP A COUPLE OF YEARS AND GRADUATE EARLY.
DON'T YOU THINK?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD FOR HIM!
WELL DONE!
AS YOU KNOW, THANKSGIVING IS THURSDAY, AND ACCORDING TO AN
OFFICIAL ANALYSIS, THE AVERAGE COST OF THANKSGIVING DINNER
IS THE LOWEST IT'S BEEN SINCE 2010.
THAT'S THE UP SIDE.
THE DOWN SIDE IS THAT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY THING IN THE
WORLD RIGHT NOW THAT'S AS GOOD AS IT WAS IN 2010.
( LAUGHTER ) COMPARED TO LAST YEAR, PEOPLE
ARE SAYING -- PEOPLE ARE SAVING AN AVERAGE OF 22 CENTS A MEAL.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
THIS YEAR, EVERYBODY IS GETTING AN EXTRA HALF SPOON OF CRANBERRY
SAUCE.
OH, YEAH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF THANKSGIVING DINNER
THERE'S A NEW TREND IN DINING THE THIS YEAR.
MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE DITCHING LARGER SIZE BIRDS IN
FAVOR OF WHAT ARE BEING REFERRED TO AS TINY TURKEYS.
YEAH.
IT'S A CHICKEN.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DESCRIBING.
A THANKSGIVING CHICKEN.
PART OF THIS TREND IS DUE TO AN INCREASE IN THE NUMBER OF,
"SINGLE-PERSON HOUSEHOLDS."
WHICH IS A VERY GOOD PHRASE FOR COVERING UP THE HARSH
REALITIES OF YOUR LIFE.
ISN'T IT?
"NO, NO, MY WIFE DIDN'T LEAVE ME, SHE MADE ME THE PROUD NEW
HEAD OF A SINGLE-PERSON HOUSEHOLD!
( LAUGHTER ) I'VE LOST A FAMILY, BUT I'VE
GAINED A CHICKEN."
( LAUGHTER ) IN OTHER NEWS, MACY'S HAS
ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WILL BE ADDING SIX NEW GIANT BALLOONS TO
THEIR THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE THIS YEAR.
WE THOUGHT WE'D SHOW YOU SOME OF THE NEW BALLOONS.
THERE'S THIS ONE.
THE LITTLE CLOUD BALLOON.
NOW, I'M PRETTY SURE THEY JUST THREW A COAT OF WHITE PAINT OVER
A POOP EMOJI.
( LAUGHTER ) DIDN'T THEY?
AND THERE'S THIS ONE HERE.
THAT'S GOKU FROM "DRAGON BALL Z" THE FIRST EVER BALLOON TO TEST
POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN THERE'S THIS ONE HERE.
A BOWLING BALL AND PINS.
THIS BALLOON IS SPONSORED BY "GOBOWLING.COM," YOU KNOW
EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINE THE PILGRIMS WOULD'VE WANTED TO BE
HONORED.
( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, WE HAD TO SHOW YOU
THIS.
IN COLORADO RECENTLY, TWO POLICE OFFICERS WERE FINISHING UP AFTER
A ROUTINE ASSIGNMENT WHEN A WILD TURKEY BEGAN CHASING THEM BACK
TO THEIR CAR.
WE ACTUALLY HAVE FOOTAGE OF THE PURSUIT.
THIS IS REAL.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> GET BACK.
GET BACK.
HEY, UM -- ( LAUGHTER )
>> James: YEAH, I CAN'T POSSIBLY IMAGINE WHY
TURKEYS WOULD BE SO AGGRESSIVE THIS TIME OF YEAR.
THIS IS THE THING ABOUT COLORADO.
ONCE YOU LEGALIZE WEED AND EVERYBODY'S SO CHILLED OUT, THIS
IS THE KIND OF STUFF COPS DO TO STAY BUSY.
( LAUGHTER ) THE TURKEY IS STILL ON THE LOOSE
AND IF YOU'RE IN COLORADO FOR THANKSGIVING, AUTHORITIES SAY
YOU SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT.
HERE'S A POLICE SKETCH OF THE SUSPECT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )