The empathetic and helpful INFJ is often deemed as the people pleasing personality type..and
usually with logical reasoning.
They take on more than they desire, they’ll jump to someone’s aid with no questions
asked, and they tend to over-give within their closest relationships.
Yet, are INFJs as endearing and sensitive as they’re played out to be?
Well.. not exactly, and today we’re going to tell you why that is.
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Alright, let’s get right into the video starting with..
Number 1: They’re just obeying the law of Karma
INFJs know first hand, the importance of putting good ‘juju’ into the world.. and the negative
effects that could take place when you don’t.
Rooted in their overly observant and at-times nosey curiosity and care for others, INFJs
slowly build a repertoire of situational proof of karma in action.
And since they learn through observing others, most people with this intuitive personality
type learn from an early age that it’s better to obey this powerful universal law, than
to go against it.
Of course, because of their unshakable empathy, it would be difficult not to be kind..
However, INFJs tend to go over and above for people in hopes that somewhere down the line
it will be paid forward to others, and eventually make its way back to them.
However, it’s not uncommon for them to get fed up with this wishful thinking, especially
when it comes to close connections that fail to demonstrate an equal give and take.
Number 2: Their independence saves them from a total people-pleasing lifestyle
Okay, to be completely honest..
INFJs are, overall, slightly more ‘people pleasing’ than some other personality types.
Known as the advocate type, INFJs are naturally sensitive to other people’s difficulties.
This sensitivity paired with unique creativity when it comes to problem-solving and critical
thinking, they have a natural gift for effectively aiding other people in their struggles.
Luckily however, due to their independent and free-spirited nature, they rarely allow
their need for serving others to stand in the way of their own achievements.
In fact, if it weren’t for their necessities for solitude and living life on their own
terms, they would probably dedicate their entire life to lifting other people and accepting
tasks or challenges that they prefer not to.
Number 3: They please for their own benefit
Some say living through kindness in a world of competition and ego can get you walked
over, used, and taken advantage of.
And the INFJ knows that at times, this is exactly right.
Yet, because of their innate need to help others, they actually end up (quote on quote)
‘people pleasing’ for the gratitude and fulfillment that comes as a result.
They don’t necessarily pick-up someone’s shift at work, or cancel their plans to look
after their friend’s children just for the fact of being helpful.
Instead, because of their extroverted feeling function that allows them to truly experience
the appreciation and recognition that comes with these one-off thoughtful gestures, the
INFJ says ‘yes’ to fulfill this deeper longing.
Sometimes the relief of another person’s worries is enough to satisfy this craving
for acknowledgement, yet that’s not always the case.
Similar to the law of karma, INFJ’s want to see the results they’re looking for.
And when someone fails to express the simple act of recognition for their efforts, they
can become quite bitter..
Which brings us to our next point.
Number 4: Their efforts are given in an ‘innocent until proven guilty’ fashion
So, what happens when a friend accidentally fails to give a genuine appreciative word
or gesture?
Are they written off completely?
Is the INFJ weary of ever accepting another hand-out?
Of course not.
In fact, the INFJ is one of the personality types known for giving too many second chances,
and this is no different when it comes to their people-serving tendencies.
They understand that when they’re called on for help, it’s usually because someone
else feels over-burdened or overwhelmed with all that is being thrown at them by life.
However, this is not to say the INFJ isn’t taking mental notes in terms of which connections
they feel appreciated in and which connections they don’t.
Once they conclude that they’re being taken advantage of in one way or another, all perceived
people-pleasing behaviors will be immediately revoked.
While they may not come out and say it, slowly, but surely, they’ll make it apparent that
life is just too busy for them to be handing out unappreciated efforts to those who don’t
deserve it.
They’ll make half-believable petty excuses in hopes that their disinterest in helping
will be acknowledged until they’re left alone.
Number 5: They don’t always say what on their mind
Sure, INFJs will take on more than they necessarily want to at times.
With a smile and a laxed attitude, anything thrown an INFJ’s way will be done without
being hassled.
However, just because they make it easy for other people to rely on them, doesn’t mean
they’re not internally screaming when they accept a task they really rather not take
on.
Especially in young adulthood, INFJs aren’t equipped with the confidence and internal
strength to stand up for themselves as they do when they’ve matured.
Poor self-esteem is said to be the main reason behind people pleasing behavior, however,
for the INFJ it’s not always about external validation.
INFJs rather prevent the possible conflict of challenging someone who needs a hand by
saying how much of a hassle it really is for them.
And so, they accept, take note, and complain behind closed doors.
Number 6: They don’t mind accepting fault where it’s due
One amazing quality of the INFJ personality type is that they would never push necessary
blame onto another if it was their doing.
Even if a mistake was made through an accumulative effort, their self-reflection tendencies cause
them to deeply analyze where their short-comings are apparent and how they could’ve probably
prevented it.
For example, if an INFJ was in charge of ordering catering for their workplace meeting, and
they were told that due to allergies, 3 people require a gluten-free alternative, the INFJ
would make it a point to mention the importance to the restaurant.
Yet, when the food arrived the following day, and there was no gluten-free alternative provided,
the INFJ would first think to themselves “I wasn’t clear enough on the requirements”.
Despite them mentioning it over the phone, they can’t help but to wonder if they were
to double-check before picking the order up, would this mishap have happened?
Some may say this is people-pleasing behavior due to them taking the pressure off of the
restaurant, when in reality, it's up to the INFJ to fix it and learn their lesson, so
looking to point the finger doesn’t help anyone.
Number 7: They let things slide because they’re distant from their own emotions
Another key indicator of a people-pleaser is that they tend to struggle determining
how they feel towards emotionally negative situations.
Due to putting their own needs on the back-burner time and time again, it becomes harder to
acknowledge whether or not something someone did to them was crossing the line.
However, when it comes to the INFJ who, because of their extroverted feeling functions, is
already considered quite distant from their own emotions, this people-pleasing trait is
something they struggle with naturally.
Similar to giving too many second chances, INFJs are always giving people the benefit
of the doubt.
Conclusions such as “They didn’t really mean it” or “I’m sure they have a logical
explanation behind their actions” may seem like they’re disregarding their own feelings
towards the matter.
Yet, in reality, INFJ’s don’t jump to an emotional conclusion before they sort out
their logical analyses.
Number 8: They can’t help but to play devil’s advocate at times
One key behavior of a notably people-pleasing person is being quick to agree with others,
even if they believe the opposite to be true.
For the INFJ, this act seems relatable to some degree, yet it’s not for the reasons
most people think.
INFJs are filled with opinions, and it’s not uncommon for some of these opinions to
contradict one another.
Due to their deep analyses and open-minded nature, they can see things from all angles,
and can easily accept 2 competing beliefs simultaneously.
This alone can be unfathomable and even unbelievable to some people who require a solid one-sided
foundation to feel at ease with certain topics.
Yet, because of this open-ended approach to most concepts, most of the time INFJs agree
with others because they can see exactly how that conclusion was formed.
They can agree with something that is in total opposition to their previous belief with confidence,
and it has very little to do with the people-pleasing behavior people probably write it off to be.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today..
So, as an INFJ, do you think people write you off as a people pleasing person?
Let us know in the comments below!
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