OF COURSE, EVERYONE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT THE RETIREMENT OF
SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ANTHONY KENNEDY, AND LAST NIGHT IN A
RALLY IN NORTH DAKOTA, TRUMP TOLD US WHAT HE'S LOOKING FOR IN
A CANDIDATE: >> WE HAVE TO PICK A GREAT ONE.
WE HAVE TO PICK ONE THAT'S GOING TO BE THERE FOR 40 YEARS, 45
YEARS.
>> STEPHEN: 45 YEARS?
THAT'S IT.
I'M GOING BACK TO CHEESEBURGERS AND CIGARETTES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT AS ENJOYABLE AS IT LOOKS.
I SHOULDN'T SMOKE.
I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.
( LAUGHTER ) IT WORKED IN REHEARSAL.
TRUMP EXPLAINED WHY HIS SUPPORTERS ARE MORE THAN THE
ELITE: >> WE'RE SMARTER THAN THEY ARE,
AND THEY SAY THE ELITE.
WE'RE THE ELITE.
YOU'RE THE ELITE.
I LOOK AT THEM, I SAY, "THAT'S ELITE?
WE GOT MORE MONEY, WE GOT MORE BRAINS, WE GOT BETTER HOUSES,
APARTMENTS.
WE GOT NICER BOATS."
>> STEPHEN: YES, IF THERE'S ONE THING NORTH DAKOTA IS KNOWN FOR,
IT'S GREAT BOATING.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PULL MY BOAT UP TO THE CORN PALACE.
IS THE CORN PALACE THE NORTH OR THE SOUTH?
WHERE'S THE CORN PALACE?
I DON'T KNOW.
THEN, THINGS TOOK REALLY OMINOUS TURN WHEN TRUMP IMPLIED THAT
AMERICA NEEDS STEEL FOR...
SOMETHING?
>> WE NEED A STEEL INDUSTRY.
WE WERE GOING TO HAVE NO STEEL PLANTS.
IF SOMETHING EVER HAPPENED, IF SOMETHING EVER HAPPENED-- YOU
KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT-- AND WE NEED STEEL TO MAKE THAT
SOMETHING.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: SO, SOMETHING IS
GOING TO HAPPEN, AND WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO MAKE SOMETHING?
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S DEFINITELY OFF THE PROMPTER
BECAUSE HE'S READING THIS OFF MAD LIBS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( AS TRUMP, READING )
"TOILET BOWL IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE
BOOGERS.
OKAY?
STEEL.
( PIANO RIFF ) ( LAUGHTER )
ALMOST 18 HOURS, TRUMP WAS JONESING FOR ANOTHER RALLY, SO
HE "AIR FORCE ONE'D" IT TO WISCONSIN TO THE OPENING OF A
NEW FOXCONN PLANT AND PRAISED THEIR CHAIRMAN, TERRY GO.
>> YOU KNOW, HE'S GOING TO MAKE ROBOTICS HERE.
THEY'RE DOING MANY OTHER THINGS INCLUDING FULL TELEVISION SETS.
>> STEPHEN: GREAT!
I AM SICK OF THOSE TELEVISION SETS WHERE YOU HAVE TO BUY
LITTLE PIECES OF THE SCREEN ONE AT A TIME.
THE UPPER LEFT-HAND CORNER OF "WESTWORLD" IS MAKING NO SENSE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IN HIS SPEECH ABOUT THE
FUTURE OF MANUFACTURING, TRUMP STAYED LASER-FOCUSED ON TWO
YEARS AGO.
>> YOU KNOW, I JUST REALIZED THE OTHER DAY THEY TOLD ME, WHEN WE
WON THE STATE OF WISCONSIN, IT HADN'T BEEN WON BY A REPUBLICAN
SINCE DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER IN 1952.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
>> STEPHEN: I DID NOT KNOW THAT BECAUSE THAT IS NOT TRUE.
( LAUGHTER ) I DID NOT -- I DIDN'T KNOW.
THAT'S ON ME.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: DIDN'T KNOW IT.
IT'S NOT TRUE.
>> Stephen: BOTH RICHARD NIXON AND RONALD REAGAN EACH WON
WISCONSIN TWICE.
AND YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAS WON SINCE EISENHOWER IN 1952?
EISENHOWER IN 1956!
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S FULL OF THESE FUN FACTS.
TRUMP IS LIKE A SNAPPLE CAP, BUT THAT AIN'T LEMONADE IN THERE.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
( PIANO RIFF ) THERE MIGHT BE A LOT OF BAD NEWS
OUT THERE. BUT WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THOSE MAKING THIS A BETTER
WORLD-- SPECIFICALLY, A POLICE DOG IN MADRID NAMED PONCHO WHO
LEARNED C.P.R.
THERE'S THE OFFICER, PRETENDING TO PASS OUT.
HE'S LYING THERE IN DISTRESS AND -- PORCHO TO THE RESCUE!
THERE HE IS, GIVING HIM CHEST COMPRESSIONS.
THEN, HE CHECKS FOR A PULSE, THEN MORE CHEST COMPRESSIONS!
CHECKS FOR A PULSE, CHECKS FOR A PULSE.
MORE COMPRESSIONS!
YOU CAN DO IT, PONCHO!
AND MORE AND MORE -- AND HE'S ALIVE!
I WAS WORRIED.
( APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, PONCHO'S THINKING:
"DON'T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMMIT!
YOU'RE ONLY SEVEN DOG MONTHS AWAY FROM RETIREMENT!"
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IT'S NOT CLEAR IF PONCHO'S
C.P.R. TECHNIQUE IS EFFECTIVE, WHAT IT SAYS OR THE PROMPTER,
I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S NOT, MY WRITERS HAVE MORE FAITH IN
PONCHO THAN I DO, BUT IT CERTAINLY WORKED BETTER
THAN THE SHORT-LIVED CAT HEIMLICH MANEUVER PROGRAM.
( LAUGHTER ) "MEOW, I THINK I HEAR SOMEONE
DYING.
THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING."