Hi, it's been a minute
This is the first proper video
I think I've made in maybe three weeks
And there's a reason for that I explain it a little bit
At the start of the last video about why one of the reasons happen
Well the point is the main reason why I guess I stopped everything
I know a lot of don't follow me on social media if you follow me on social media
You'll know exactly what's going on the actual tweets I put out kind of what virally well virally for me
I think the actual analytics, and that was like millions of people who saw the tweets of what happened to me
Which is crazy This isn't gonna Be like a side story
This isn't meant to be like I've you feel so sorry for me or whatever
I want to explain exactly what happened exactly why I took a break and
Exactly the image that I have in my head of where I want to take this channel cuz when you're away for 3 weeks you
Get so many ideas like the things that you want to try and things you're like yeah
I'll do the idea, but I'll do it eventually. I'll do it some other time
But I think I finally want to put those ideas into position so little backstory of kind of what
Happened really. So start from where it all kind of went wrong
So Insomnia Sammy and I we flew over there. I think it was around March
28 I think we got there, and what ended up happening is obviously we had a dog called Mochi
you've seen videos of her and whatnot she's adorable adorable adorable dog but
Whenever we are away at Insomnia this in the UK and where I'm here is in LA, Los Angeles
California so 6,000 miles away there there about
Away from what happened so my friend came over. I have a lot of music equipment here
I do music in my spare time so I was like well if you got to come over you can come stay at our place
A guy would known for a very very long time. I trust him even to this day. I trust him with everything
If you know come over he can use my music equipment and whatnot and you
Can just take care of Moch in the spare time and he was like yeah no problem
So he came over we brought him over a few days beforehand. Just so I can show them the ropes
I've had to take care of mochi and what happened was I went to Minnesota for a few days
And then we went over to the UK
We were on the train from London up to Birmingham and literally whenever we were on the train
My PA who helps me so basically I hired an assistant to help me build this house because it's very very empty
There's not really much in it and he called me and he was crying and he was like
I'm so sorry to tell you this, but and the phone cut and this as soon as we got to the train station
We're like; my heart started going
I was like what the fuck is happening so, Sammy and I, it took us 10-15 minutes to walk over to the hotel
We've actually called him again, and he broke the news that sadly Mochi passed away
Now
There's a few things I want to get straight here a lot of people
Understood what I was saying but a few people didn't what happened
was a freak accident. It can happen to anything, it can happen to anyone dogs, people, cats, monkeys, giraffes. No matter what it is
This thing this can happen. What ended up happening was Mochi sadly choked to death
She was eating her food, the food that she has every day pretty much, went in the wrong way
But sadly went down the wrong way too far to the point where
My friend and my PA they went they got they got to the vet, Mochi was still alive at the vet
but even the vet said it was too far gone to be able to do anything. They did everything right
That's what I want to say is that I still trust my PA
And I still trust my friend who came over with everything. It was not their fault
100%. We could have been there
And we could have rushed Mochi to hospital to the vet and nothing there could have been nothing done
It doesn't matter who was there. It was. It's just how it is. So if anything, I kind of want to applaud my PA and
My friend who came over for doing everything that they did everything everything Right. I can't iterate that enough
But sadly, it's just one of those things. Is it hard? Of course it is. We are
We were complete wrecks complete wrecks the entire the entire trip
But what ended up happening was I flew over to Insomnia. I had a booth there
I had the big Mini Ladd booth and everything I was selling new merch
and I actually had a poster with with Mochi on it and
there was 500 of those made for the event and
Not all of them sold I mean for obvious reason some people wanted it because it was limited edition
But some people didn't want it because sadly they realized that Mochi passed away
So they'll be they're gonna be selling online
And there's only like 300 or so left maybe even lash, actually no
There's probably a lot less so whichever is left and upcoming videos. I'll release a link where you guys can buy it once those
Copies are gone, they're gone. And one thing I did before I left because I realized that I
Left the convention halfway through it it was a four-day thing
I did two days where I did 4 hour 5 hour meet and greets even though I was grieving even though
I was a complete wreck. I still felt bad people who have traveled all around the world a guy flew from South Africa
There was someone came from the Netherlands who's actually a guy who comes by my streams a lot
California people came in from everywhere to come and see me and I would feel
Myself I would feel like I am letting those people down yes
I realized I was a complete wreck
but I would feel even worse self-consciously to know that I couldn't meet the people who came out and see me so I did I
Did two days of five hours of meet-and-greet and saying hi chillin with you guys hearing your stories
And it was tough
The people who came out was absolutely amazing apart from one guy, who can go fuck himself, who was laughing at Mochi's death to my face
You know who you are and you can go fuck yourself
Regardless, the other thousands of people that I met bless you you're absolutely incredible and the gifts you guys gave me
But that was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do
was sort of putting on
Putting on a face and just making sure that the people who came out to see me actually
Got to see me, and so I didn't cower away in my room
which I really really wanted to do because all I wanted to do was nothing I
Wanted to give myself time to grieve. I wanted to give myself time to just
Realize what has happened the freak accident.
But I powered through I powered through for you guys because at the end of the day I wouldn't be in the position that I'm
At without you guys, so I'm really glad I was able to do that some people are wondering like oh
Why how come you didn't stay the four days?
You'll eventually realize in the second part of the story second part of the story is I flew back to LA
On the Sunday and as soon as we got back, the vet held Moch over at the vet
They basically preserved her a little bit just so we can say our final goodbyes. We came back
We cleared up all her stuff
we just kind of like it's in the
it's in the grieving process by itself just to kind of like move her stuff and whatnot we kept her collar and we're gonna preserve and cremate Moch
we
Have already done that it's the first time I've ever even seen an urn or cremation or whatever
I haven't got it yet because I just came back from my trip
away my first vacation in seven years of doing YouTube wild
We came back took away all of Mochi's stuff, her kennel and her
cage and her like Oh her toys and everything to put them away and
Then we went in to go see her we went to go into the vet
They gave us a few hours heads out to make her you know like make sure she was presentable somewhat
And we've got this hair final goodbyes
so seeing her in person
Uhm
Give me a minute. Okay
I'm not crying. You're crying. Fuck you, so we went to go say our final goodbyes
Which was nice. You know being able to see her one last time
And then we got back and after coming back from there. It was a few days afterwards
Sammy and I, we were we were just chilling we were downstairs obviously Moch was running around and whatnot normally we were lying there
So I have a lot of anxiety I've had a lot of depression in my time
But I've kind of try to suppress that Sammy's helped with that a lot
But whenever I was lying on the couch. We were just finished eating dinner and whatnot and then all of a sudden
I got crazy heart palpitations, and I lost feeling in my left leg on my left arm, and I'm like
What the fuck is happening here? I didn't know what to do the only thing
I kind of my brain wanted me to do was go outside and just walk and just pace so I did that I walked outside
And I just paced and it got worse
I gradually got worse and worse and worse the point where
Every 30 seconds every time the heart palpitations came in I would like pretty much half fall over and I would start to faint
And I this has never happened before and I got really really scared to the point where I started fainting and fainting and fainting and then
What happened was I sort of throwing up like really violently.
So I was fainting in there throwing out fainting then throwing up is pretty much what was happening.
I didn't know I was scared. I was really scared so I was like, okay, Sammy
I need to go I need to go to hospital something's really really wrong. We rushed into hospital
And we lay there and what they basically told me was it was anxiety
Now if you've heard the logic song here's a little
Story at the end of a one of his songs is where I went to a movie theater
And he collapsed
And he couldn't believe why it was anxiety that made him collapse like that and now I get it
I weirdly relate to that song now put me on a heart monitor
They put me on a drip they put me. They took my blood checked my blood because anything else was going on
But I was in there for six hours
I was just calming myself and calming myself
And they were there just trying to take care of me making sure I was okay. It was awful
I was throwing up even inside like the hospital and whatnot I was still half fainting back and forth
I was like rigid for a lot of it. I couldn't I could physically couldn't move
And it was awful
So I got rushed in the hospital and when I run whenever they told me it was anxiety
Everything was pointing towards anxiety and every 30 seconds
I was having a crazy panic attack like a really bad one to the point where I was fainting and throwing up and everything
Uhm
I realized you know everything that's happened and everything that I do is always been to try and make sure that other people are okay
It's oh it's been. It's who I am as a person. It's from
God the few decades I've been on this Earth, the last 23 years I have been on this Earth
I've always been someone to just make sure that everyone else is okay
And I would just put myself on the back burner
And that's why I haven't had a vacation in seven years until this weekend because in my mind
I wanted to make sure that people were first
That's just how I was back before I did YouTube and whatnot
I used to come home, and I used to just watch other YouTubers
and that was my release that was my
way of just relaxing and it got to the point where whenever my audience started to grow and you guys started to come in and
Watch my videos now and again that like I was your escape just the way a lot of YouTubers was my escape I am your
Escape from reality from your hard times of school, from work, from family grievances, from anything
Anything and once I realized that I was like right. I'm gonna work my ass off and make
Sure, that's why I started upload daily was because I wanted to make sure that whenever he came home from school
I was there to be able to make sure that you were okay
That's how my brain works
And I've always been that way and I got to the point where I realized that I was putting everyone ahead of me so much
Even at the convention that it literally started to kill me
Would I do it again? Of course I would. It's, again, just because this has happened doesn't change who I am, but I've realized that
What things I put on the back burner for myself because I'm like well if I do this
I'll be able to get a daily upload I realized that one things I won't start doing is yes
I want to continue to do daily stuff
But I want to incorporate the things that I've been thinking about
Into into what I'm doing into my uploads
And I feel like you get a vibe from someone like even when you're watching this video you get a vibe
Of who they are as a person no matter if they're a vlogger you know beauty channel gaming channel slash Fortnite channel because that's all everyone uploads nowadays
Apart from myself I uploaded one which is a parody which a lot of people didn't realize it was a parody.
I had to put parody in the title. I-I made
Sorry, it's off an attention, but I made that video
so
oblivious and so obviously ripping into other Fortnite YouTubers that
Everyone thought that it was real. I'm like how bad has clickbait got that this is considered a regular video
wild anyway
That's what this little vlog is about
It's to say hey by the way your boys back and also I want to incorporate stuff that I want to do that
I've been wanting to do for a long time into my videos
It's gonna take a while for me to realize how to do this on a regular scale
But I'm excited and I feel like I feel like it's not change. It's not change
You will still get every video that you will see on my channel today
And before going forward it still I want to incorporate more stuff, and I'm excited about that
I feel like you get a vibe from someone like I was saying and you're gonna see in these videos coming out that it's
different it's like oh
He's actually really enjoying himself exactly
And that's that's what I want cuz I love video making and I love everything that I have going on in my life so with
That being said I want to say thank you to everyone who's tuned in and sent me all the well wishes
There's literally hundreds of thousands of you
From YouTube to Twitter to Facebook to Instagram to Snapchat to wherever that have wished me well
And it's always funny when stuff like this happens people come out of left field that you haven't talked in a while just to kind
Of wish you well and it's nice, and there's also some people who you would expect to say something
But didn't, so that's kind of fun at the same time.
Regardless, I'm not
this is not a bitching session, this is honestly, it's really not. That shit is behind me. I don't even want to think about that anymore.
I realized that this video doesn't have much editing to it, it doesn't have much to it. It's just me and you and
that's it. Just Mono e Mono
You know it's I want to just be able to speak to you as I normally would because like normally you'll see me it's like
Hey Chip chip cheerio fuckle doodle doo like but now this is just this is the way I would talk to anyone
This is like if you meet me in the street anyone who knows me. This is how I talk to them. It's a very
But a lot more calm a lot more collected, but whenever I play video games I get very excited and whatnot, but this is just very
Raw I guess you could say, but that's what's been going on in my life
I'm gonna try I said to myself
I wanted to keep this under 20 minutes, so I'm happy with where I'm going with this and
chances are I probably forgot stuff, but that's okay because I've got
What I wanted to say out there like I said, thank you to everyone who's reached out. You've all been incredibly amazing
The future is going to be fun, and I'm gonna leave it there. You know
I think I'm gonna leave it there. I'm happy with this
I've got some side projects going on in the background, which eventually you guys will realize and
Eventually you guys will understand I assure you guys will start to see
one of them is
downstairs I am making myself a music studio downstairs
there is a hint of what I have planned for the future a little hint not much just teenie bit.
Thank you all I'm gonna I'm gonna go
Before my brain gets completely frazzled
I know I've just been ranting on raving and then draddling off a little bit here and there, but thank you all so much
I'll see you all in the video
I have a few more videos left that I have for stockpile you may have seen them other people's channels
and if you have, I apologize. For the next few days is gonna be videos that I've already or
That I stockpiled a few weeks ago and then from there
It's gonna be new content the newer stuff will gradually start to creep its way in and when you see it. You'll be like ah
That's the fuck were talking about
Regardless, thank you all for watching
I'm back
Times are good, and it's just a matter of you know moving on everything
That's happened over for the last few weeks of my life, which have been the worst few weeks of my life
Which is why I've I took my time off Twitter. I've took my my
Instagram, Facebook, and everything with that, but I'm back, and I'm feeling good I miss working
I miss being able to do this, so here's the future take it easy everyone. I'll see you tomorrow.
Bye