Kris Krohn here with Limitless TV and I have our amazing special guest speaker
again today Marianne DeNovellis. And Marianne is here to actually
help us answer some really difficult question which is, how do you find
forgiveness for your husband if he's had an affair? And you know, this is gonna be
a hard one for some of our viewers but I know also this is going to be super
valuable for those of you that are searching and today we have got the
perfect guest mentor thinking help you learn what your next steps are to finish
fully processing and knowing how to move on with your life
So today is obviously a super sensitive subject and feel really honored and
privileged today that we have a chance to interview with the amazing Marianne
DeNovellis who has first-hand experience on what it's like to how do you really
forgive a husband when there's been an affair. And you know if you're watching
this video, first of all our hearts go out to you because certainly not an
easy situation. Unfortunately it happens more than anyone would ever wish or hope
and I think today's intention Marianne is to see if we can share with our friends
here today that are watching this video anything that might help them come to
grips and help process and heal from a pretty deep hurt. Do you mind just
starting off and sharing with us what happened in your situation? You know
that my situation was in evolution and anyone that's watching, I know what
it's like to be you right now. You're searching the internet, you're looking
for answers, you're looking for, what do I do now that I know that this has
happened? And if you're watching this video again our hearts to go out to you
because this is for lack of it or just a really awful situation to be in. Mine was
the evolution that said, I knew something was going on and then it got worse and
then it got worse and then it got worse. And in the realm of this arena it's
what's called d-day. When everything crashes down on you and you're in the
bottom, you're in the lowest of the lows and you're without an idea of what to do
next.
What were the emotions that came up for you? Because I can only
imagine the wider range of feelings or anger or hatred or frustration or
despair. What was it like for you when d-day hit?
You know D-day, it comes in a
bottle labeled betrayal really. In this bottle there's this whole mix of anger
and frustration and the bitterest of sadness and neglect and sorrow and what
did I do wrong and how could I change the situation, what am I lacking, why did
this happen, is it my fault, is it not, and if there's ever a roller coaster of
emotions this is it.
How long did you stay in that spot before you got to a
place of of knowing that it was time to shift? Years. Really? if I'm gonna be
honest it's years. We have that d evolution and that bottle
I just kept opening up, looking at it, feeling it, being it, and it came down to
that point you know it if I'm gonna be completely honest it was multiple. It was
multiple affairs. It was one this time and then it got nastier that time, then it
got nastier that time and then finally that the bottle is sitting there of
betrayal and I'm like how much more of this can I take? Yeah and obviously this
is something that creates separation, divorce,
this ends relationships and marriages. You and your amazing husband today, you
guys are actually married and thriving better than you ever have, Did you ever
feel tend to just want to leave or end it or be done? I actually had an
appointment with an attorney, a divorce attorney. I was just like you I was
looking online for you know hope and what you've what you find online is so
messed up. What you find online is so mixed up with, with positive, with
negative, with husband bashing, with hope, you don't know what to feel. You don't
know what to do and I was in that spot of just throwing up my hand something
like, you know what? my marriage is over. It would never no matter what happens
I've got to be done because this is just too painful to keep, keep partaking of
and I had an appointment with an attorney the next morning and I had
planned to have the conversation with my husband the night before. So what changed?
what was your turnaround point then why did why did things go in a different
direction and how did things even start to quote unquote work out?
here's the
biggest deal. If you're in this situation you have got to decide what it is you
want.
Nobody gets married with this clause
that says I hope an affair happens. That just doesn't happen. No one intends to do
that. When you get to that point, you have to say, okay I have got to be done with
this and no matter what, but then what? what are you opting into? Do you want
to have a successful marriage? do you want to have an amazing relationship?
You've got to get crystal clear in what you want. When I did that, I did it from a
space of total clarity after belief breakthrough and then I went to a
conversation with my husband and said, you know what? here's what I've got on
the table. I've got this amazing marriage that I want to have. I want
a beautiful life with you. I want to raise our family together. Here's what
its gonna look like. We've got to have complete fidelity, we've got to be
totally in love with each other. Complete open honesty. Radical honesty
for that matter and we get to build a life of joy and that's what I'm gonna
have no matter what. And here's the controversial thing, I asked him, do you
want to play?
and then it was up to him. I said, here's the rules of the game. If you
want to play that's great if not I love you and I'm gonna move on.
Okay so it
came down to you knowing what would honor you so you wouldn't have to feel
betrayed, sabotaged, stepped on. And you communicated that and basically the ball
got put in his court.
So um, what ended up happening? This was a really
beautiful moment. I'll never forget being at that, we're at a diner. We had, we had
called and just met in this neutral location on my daughter's birthday. My
parents are throwing her party while we've got this marital turmoil going on.
I laid it out all on table and I want to be very clear that it wasn't an
ultimatum, it wasn't from trigger, I wasn't angry I was just very clear on what I
want my life to look like. Full of peace and just contentment. And if you ask
Anthony, he'll tell you he was shocked. He didn't know how to respond at first
because suddenly in his mind it was no longer my fault
and he'd never said it out loud but he had this idea if, if Marianne's not
showing up then I have permission to do XYZ and that just was totally false and
now he's in his power. Wow the ball is in my court what am I gonna do? And we sat
there for a minute and I just sat with no apprehension, no waiting for an answer,
just calmly sitting in peace until you finally said, okay that's what I want to.
I'm in.
So now for the hard question, right? This is uh, this is really what
today's video is about, is forgiveness. Sounds like you both chose in and that's
led to an amazing outcome for where the two of you are today I mean I have so
much fun hanging out with you and Anthony. You guys are just a blast to be
with. You've got such a powerhouse marriage and you're both a power couple
like you've really consecrated your hardship but here's the really the hard
one,
how did you find the ability to forgive him? how did you do it?
and I'm sure that's why most of the viewers are here with us today is, how? And
the first is, before we go into the how you got to ask why. And before you ask
why you got to know even what forgiveness is. There's so many
misconceptions about what forgiveness is. Here's a few things that forgiveness is
not. It's not permission, it's not condoning, it's not permission to do it
in the future, it's not any of those things. And most of all, it's not even for
the offender. And a lot of people get mixed up in that. They think that if I
forgive him that somehow does something for him. No no no no. Forgiveness is for
this. It's for m,e it's for my heart, it's for my healing, it's from my journey.
Withholding that is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer.
Forgiveness is for me. That's, before I ever have a conversation with Anthony, I
had to be in a space of forgiveness because that's how I got clarity. I had
to be free of whatever pain and suffering
someone else's choices had on my life. And here's what forgiveness is,
forgiveness is peace, forgiveness is a wholeness, forgiveness says no
matter what happens I'm okay. So if you listen to the words I just gonna share
with you what I just heard Marianne say. She said, if you're at a place where
there's so much bitterness in your heart and a lack of love or loathing or
betrayal and it's just mounting, the question is, is it hurting your spouse? or
is it hurting you? And what I just, I think what I heard you say was that as
long as you're unwilling to forgive, it's equivalent to you ingesting your own
poison because now you're the one that gets hurt from your inability to forgive
even though they're the one that created the separation and the affair.
And some might consider that actually kind of harsh truth to consider and
yet you've been through it. So it's hard not to just to see and I love the
clarity that you have on this concept of forgiveness that, it's a process for me
to become good with me in my relation with the world whether it's with my
husband or my wife or whoever that is and whatever that looks like. What
changed in you when you decided to forgive your husband?
I suddenly realized that no matter what relationship we are, I went into I'd be
bringing the bricks from the old house. If I, I was ending my marriage if I went
through with that attorneys thing and if I brought these nasty bricks that, me I'm
taking me to every relationship I go into and if I go in with that bitterness
with that bottle of betrayal, then it's gonna poison my next relationship. So I
said, you know what? Yeah our marriage as we know it is dead. Let's make a new
one and how exciting that we get to build something so new and beautiful
together and start over. So I want to end with this idea and get your feedback on this
Marianne.
Obviously divorce might be right for some people situations and it
might be a mistake for other people's situations and I've often met people
that feel regret years later after a divorce because they still have not
found forgiveness and it is now tainting their new relationships. What advice
would you give for the individual that's looking at what choice they should make
in relation to this forgiveness and what would your final bit of advice be?
You know we see this a lot in limitless land and on limitless TV. Breakthrough.
Breakthrough is the ground from which clear decisions can be made. I can't know
what's right for anyone I can't know what's right for anyone elses given
situation but here's what I do know is that there are marriages that are ending
that could have been saved. If people had just gotten clear first.
Well friends, there's a link at the bottom of this video and I'm inviting you if you're in
this situation or you know someone who is or if you and your spouse are really
struggling probably the most empowering invitations that I can give is to get in
your car, hop on a plane, and join us at one of our next three day limitless
events. It is the ultimate breakthrough experience to give you the tool of
breakthrough so that whether you're dealing with an affair or whether you're
dealing with self-confidence issues whether you're trying to figure out how
to upgrade other areas of your life, whatever you're struggling with, in the
end what I hear Marianne saying is, we're really just struggling
with our known problems even with the things others are doing to us our
reflection and our perception still is a problem. I always kind of word it this
way which is the person with the problem is the person with the problem but the
person with the problem is also the person with the solution and if you're
really a truth seeker looking for solution then click that link and come
spend three days with us having a life-changing breakthrough experience so
you can produce some of the results that Marianne's been able to see in her life.
Marianne thank you so much for being on today. Thank you for being able to
bridge such a difficult conversation and share your experience with all of us.
Thank you it's my pleasure. Okay love you friends!
We wish you the absolute best in figuring this
out and finding that forgiveness about for your spouse but also to benefit you.