Hello and welcome to super amazing wagon adventure turbo.
This game was recommended by you, the community, so if it sucks, it's your fault!
So for options it looks like we have start adventure and survival... uhhh, ONE of them is going to lead to a road of failure and misery...
Aaand the other one probably will too.
Who the fuck is this old prick?
Wait, am I all these assholes?
Oh, hear we go.
Here we go. Uhh, the first party member was...
Great! Now that we have our randomly selected passengers, let's start the adventure!
Jesus christ, we're not done yet?
Fuuuck. Oh they're all locked? Fuck your face.
I guess I'll go with the one that's available.
Great. Day one. Fucking start the goddamn game!
Ok
I'm moving! OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Fuck you! Fuck your turkey! And your deer... And all this shit!
Aw, I ran through some skunk shit. Is that what that was?
Posse of bandits interrupted our- Murder the bandits.
Er, things happening very quickly. In this game. They are not fucking around.
Oh did I get 8... 8 foods? Is that what that is?
I should have way more foods now! EAT ALL THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE I'M KILLING! PICK THEM UP!
Ow... I'm eating the fucking HORSE?
WHAT?!
OK. Ohhh shit! Wow. Wow! Ray is almost fucking dead!
Ohhh get the health. Woah! Holy FUCK!
That was a jet. That was a- that was a bomber
I'm on foot now. I'm on foot- get the health.
I didn't get the fucking health.
GET THE FUCKING HEALTH, GAVIN!
You fucking idiot...
*tsk*
So, here's Gavin tripping out on mush- Oh nope. Mnn.
This makes a lot of sense. Actually. If this is what Gavin sees on a daily basis.
This would explain a lot of his behavior.
What am I shooting? Wha- what-
What the fuck are these things?
Painful memories bounced- who is this?!
Who the hell is THIS?!
What the fuck is HAPPENING?!
Awww he's getting swarmed. Hoooly shit. Oh he's gonna get murdered.
Gavin, this is bad!
Ohhh my God, the bomber saved your ass.
Day 34. We are FLYING through these days.
Day 38!
Goddamn right I did.
I don't know what For it- "Ford it" means?
So, I'm just going to jump. Also, it was MY idea, so I feel like I should jump.
It's up!
...WELL, shit.
Fuck me!
I'm like Huckleberry Finn. Just FLOATIN' down the river in my WAGON.
With my horse.
And Ray and Gavin.
And then I'm gonna paint a white fence* (From Tom Sawyer. Close enough)
Hoooly shit, how LONG is this FUCKING river ride?
Where is it fucking spitting me out?! Hades?!
Can it be day- OH MY GOD! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
RAY NO!!!
Aaah, faced with no options, I guess I'll just. Hit another rock and... probably drown another one of us
Gavin was knocked unconscious when the river collided with a boulder. It's hard to swim when you're unconscious.
So, Gavin's dead. And then I hit a rock. And now I'M fucking dead
GREAT!
The Lads are fucking DEAD!
I'm gonna collect WAY more dead animals this time
We're gonna eat like KINGS when we're floating that river
(groaning voice) Ohh don't hit the skunk.
Ow. Fuck! There's fucking SKUNK SHIT EVERYWHERE!
Health? Health? Health?
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. I'M FUCKING DEAD?!
I DIED ON DAY 2!
Oho, the river! And we're back so soon.
Let's hey- let's FORD it. Instead.
Okay? Okay??? So, we could ju-
[Michael is speechless upon learning how to cross a river]
Are you fucking kidding me? I was just supposed to go to the RIGHT?
That's all I had to do to move on from the river- I fucking killed myself?!
I'm back in the fucking river. Just shooting rocks again.
With Gavin and Ray. I mean I'm not there because I'm dead.
Not much going on though. Just. Fucking. Going to the right!
Again!
Forever...
In the fucking river
Maybe I need to like, kill all the rocks. Is that-
Ohh, fuck. Fucking Ray's dead.
Alright. We're all dead. We're all dead again.
WE ALL DROWNED TO DEATH AGAIN.
Great! That was a ton of fun. Let's move on to SURVIVAL! 'Cause I couldn't fucking survive Start Adventure!
Oh, wait! No, we won't! Because there's nothing unlocked!
I'm not even good enough in Adventure to unlock ANYTHING in survival!
Jee, let's play "Go Back"
Are you FUCKING kidding me. I fucking picked invisible wagon?
Because- HAHAHAHAHAHA
Let's use a different SKIN
WE ALL START WITH ONE FUCKING HEALTH?
(exhausted) Back to the fucking river. This fucking river. This is the bane of my existence. This river...
So, I tried jumping it and that didn't work. And I tried fording it and that didn't work.
So, let's try jumping it AGAIN and then maybe I'll go to the right this time
HOLY SHIT and NOW I landed on the other side?!
WHAT?!?!
Interesting looking buffalo. But. Whatever! I'll roll with it!
OHH holy fucking shit. That's a flamethrower.
That is a fucking flamethrower
Fuuuck you! I'm gonna fucking eat the SHIT outta you- Aw, I didn't get to pick them up
What is this?
What the fuck...
Oh, great. This is ano- Nmph... Alright...
'K. Just. Rolling with it here. Oh! I'm fucking fighting MissingNo. Fantastic.
Is it 255 or...? Did it just shoot a creeper at me?
I'm gonna fucking die. Goddamn it. Ar- I- YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
Ray really hated Buffalo
Th- Ss- thought he didn't like cake
So, we're back another river. I can go AROUND or swim. Let's just go around
because the river FUCKS my MOUTH to PIECES every time I go NEAR it
AWWW, shit!
Well, I got killed by a snake
Oh- It sent me on a journey!
Fascinating! Was it to hell?
Ohhh, shit. Ohhhhh, shit. Welp, this could be the end of Ray!
Ohp! Sorry, Ray!
Yep, you were bitten to death by a giant ant. They are FUCKING your dead body.
And now were left with uh, young Gavin Free. Free hearts.
Day 86. He survived ALMOST 3 months
He survived JUST OVER 3 months
Oh get it. Get the sword
Chop people! Chop! Chop! Chop!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh my god, fuck you!
And you
Naturally
Aww FUCK!
First one. The FIRST fucking one hit him right in the fucking face
Well, that's it for Super Amazing Wagon Adventure
Gavin was killed by a FUCKING NINJA STAR!