El Aprendes, Barca boss edition, Episode 5
Hello again, candidates! Hello, Messi
Moyes! You're FIRED! You bastard!
(laughs) It's usually me that gets fired in the intro
Why? You threatened to slap a woman! Of you go,
tough guy! This calls for... (music playing)
SLAPMAN!
Ya bastard
Roy! You're fired! What?!
(laughs) It's usually me that gets
fired in the intro
Why me? Hmm, let me think..
Maybe because on last weeks task you went
sighseeing, for f***'s sake! What's
sightseeing
You're taking the piss out of my
speech impediment?! No,I usually take the piss
out of an orange
Someone call the RSPCA
Hands up if you lost El Clasico
You're fired!
It's usually you that gets sacked in the intro, alright. (whistles)
Ow! Not again!
Don't worry Leo, I know a good dentist!
This week's task: design next seasons Barca kit! Are you taking the piss out of my speech impediment now?! No! I've got
four teeth missing! Oh! The
Barca squad will vote for the winning kit at a VIP
sacking show! On the losing team at least one of you
will be fired. See you on the
Catwalk!
The teams discuss ideas... The famous Barcelona
stripes... Two retweaks and the
kit will strike fear into the hearts of
every opponent across Europe! Tweak one:
Make the stripes horizontal.
Tweak two: Ditch the red and blue!
For green and white! Barca will look like a proper
european force at last! Like Celtic!
(laughs) Bants! People love
emojis. People love MSN.
Lets cover the kit in the emoji that
best sums up MSN! Flames?
No! Burger? NO! How does a burger sum up
MSN?Ah!
I meant do you want a burger? I'm going for
lunch. No, I do not!
Idiot! Tadaaa! Little
Shits!
The Marathon design. Inspiring
players to run further in each game
to work harder
Hard work... nice! The in-built performance analysis
technology will monitor sprints performed
and the intensity of those sprints
Intensity... Outstanding! The tech will recognise when a player
has stopped running.. Great! ...and send
25,000 volts to the wearer to get them running again! Yaaaah!
A zip up the middle! What could
possibly go wrong?!
Tadaah
Isn't that just the '92 Barca kit? Yes,
it will remind Barca fans of the glory days
when they had their best ever players!
...like me! Did you know... Yes! We know you used to play for Barca, OK?
Jesus Christ! You've brought that more frequently
than a bolemic brings up their breakfast!
I call it the Roybocop kit
Not only does it look the fecking nuts,
it will also protect Messi from Marcelo's elbows,
Messi from Ramos' studs and
Neymar from the hairdresser
I hate it! The teams choose their final designs
Designs submitted, tomorrow a Catwalk showdown...
The teams are backstage, getting ready for the show
The zip looks great! Fact!
This is a bust!
Rafa! You're under arrest! And not the cardiac type
Despite your BMI
Ah! For what? Tax fraud? No, for goal fraud.
The ghost goal, 2005. JOSE!
Let it go, Jose. Shut up,
Queen Asshole of Arsendale! Let me go, Jose!
No way! And I'm confiscating that top for further
Investigation. What? Roy, do something!
It's clubbering time...
Urgent backup requested
Good luck on the catwalk, LOSERS!
The bitter BASTARD!
We're on in five minutes and we have no top! What the hell do we do now?
All we have is a semi-naked model,
some pens and some paper.
Hmmm.... It's SHOWTIME!
(clapping) Show over, down to the details...
Candidates! Why should we choose your kit?
Well, our kit is inspired by
the legendary, european cup winning team of '92!
Containing the greatest player in Barca history!
You played in '92?
No, I did not!
Sorry, who was that greatest player in Barca history?
Me! Surely you know, I used to play for Barca!
He played football? I thought he was Ed Sheeran's dad!
I thought he was Ron Weasley!
I thought he wasn't going to get fired!
As for you, Ronaldo, who designed your kit?
A retarded child?
Hey, no Cristiano Jr. jokes! Idiot!
Um...You see, our design was
Ummm.....Created by
a team of starving children in Sudan!
Sorry, I meant in Suuuuuuuuudan!
Yes, um, because
we recognise the great work Barca
do with UNICEF.
So this design raises awareness for their part!
And the kit is made from recycled paper,
to make it the first eco-friendly kit...
...EVER! It's GENIUS!
Let's vote now!
Team Eco! Three Votes to nil, you win!
What about the votes from the rest of your squad?
Phh! Nobody cares about those Douchebags!
It's MSN, not
MSN..R..T..S..
M,umm... We get the point!
Koeman, you're FIRED! What?
Greatest Barca player ever?
...F*** off!
This is a bust! Tax fraud! Oh, oh!
(MSN scream) Serves them right for firing me!