WE'RE COMING TO YOU FROM THE
UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA'S ANNENBERG CENTER WHICH MEANS THE
"DAILY SHOW" IS OFFICIALLY IN PHILADELPHIA, BABY.
WE'RE HERE.
WE MADE IT HERE.
WEEK TWO OF THE CONVENTIONS.
LAST WEEK WAS CLEVELAND.
AND THIS WEEK WE'RE CLEARLY IN THE MANLIEST CITY IN AMERICA.
BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THIS CITY IS ABOUT MEN, EVERYTHING.
IT'S THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE.
HOME OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS.
YEAH.
BOYZ II MEN.
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.
LIKE, EVEN THE FOOTBALL TEAM IS THE EAGLES.
THE ONLY ANIMAL THAT HAS MALE-PATTERN BALDNESS, THE ONLY
ONE.
HAUGH LAUGH I MEAN, ON TOP OF THE CITY HALL
TOWER I SAW A STATUE OF WILLIAM PENN WITH HIS DICK OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS PEEING ON PHILADELPHIA.
AND HERE'S WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT ALL OF THIS.
ALL THIS MASCULINITY, AND THIS CITY MADE HISTORY BY NOMINATING
AMERICA'S FIRST MAJOR PARTY FEMALE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE SO EXCITED.
WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT IT.
WE HAVE A GUEST TONIGHT, THE CHAIRMAN OF HILLARY CLINTON'S
CAMPAIGN.
JOHN PODESTA WILL BE JOINING US, WHICH IS REALLY EXCITING.
SO TO GET STRAIGHT INTO IT.
LAST NIGHT WAS START OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
THEY HAD THE BIGGEST SPEAKERS THAN A STRETCH HUMMER.
THEY HAD CORY BOOKER, ELIZABETH WARREN, ELIJAH CUMMINGS, AND, OF
COURSE, SENATOR DEMI LOVATO.
EVA LONGORIA WAS THERE, SARAH SILVERMAN, AND THIS WAS JUST
NIGHT ONE.
AT THIS RATE ON THURSDAY THEY'LL BRING OUT, LIKE, ABRAHAM
LINCOLN.
HE WILL COME OUT AND BE LIKE, "I CAME BACK TO VOTE FOR HILLARY
CLINTON.
AND TO SEE THE REST OF THAT PLAY WAS WATCHING.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS TIME I WANT TO SIT IN THE
BACK."
SO MANY STARS, SO MANY STARS.
AND JUST LIKE-- JUST WHEN YOU WERE LIKE, YOU KNOW, HOW CAN
THEY TOP ALL THIS?
HOW CAN THEY IMPROVE ON THIS?
IS WHEN THEY BROUGHT IN THE SUPERNOVA, MICHELLE OBAMA.
>> TODAY, I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING IN A HOUSE THAT
WASSIBILITY BY SLAVES.
AND I WATCH MY DAUGHTERS TWO BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT BLACK
YOUNG WOMEN PLAYING WITH THEIR DOGS ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN.
>> Trevor: I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE CHEERED EARLY ON THE SLAVES
PART.
THEY WERE EXCITED.
"I GREW UP IN A HOUSE BUILT BY SLAVES."
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "I LIVE IN A HOUSE--" YAY!
BUILT BY SLAVES.
I FELT BAD FOR REPUBLICANS LAST NIGHT, WHATEVER YOUR POLITICS,
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THESE DAYS THEY CAN'T BRING THAT KIND OF
STAR POWER.
THEY DON'T HAVE A MICHELLE OBAMA.
THEY HAVE A MICHELLE OBAMA TRIBUTE.
IT WAS ALMOST A DISASTER FOR THE DEMOCRATS.
FOR MOST OF THE DAY IT SEEMED THE PARTY WAS GOING TO RIP
ITSELF APART FROM THE SEAM BECAUSE THE DAY STARTED LIKE
THIS.
>>ANG ROY VOICES IN THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
>> DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ, FORCED TO RESIGN AMID A MASSIVE
E-MAIL LEAK SHOWING D.N.C.
STAFFERS FAVORING HILLARY CLINTON OVER BERNIE SANDERS
DURING THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY.
>> THE ABRUPT RESIGNATION COMES AFTER AN E-MAIL HACKING SCANDAL
AT THE D.N.C.
>> Trevor: ANOTHER ONE?
ANOTHER E-MAIL SCANDAL?
OH, THE DEMOCRATS GIVE UP MORE WITH ( BLEEP ) E-MAILS THAN A
NIGERIAN PRINCE.
IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT IT IN THE NEWS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.
SOMEONE HACKED THE D.N.C., POSSIBLY THE RUSSIANS, LEAKING
19,000 OF THEIR E-MAILS.
NOW, FORTUNATELY, THERE WERE NO NEWS, BUT THE PRIVATES THAT WERE
EXPOSED SHOWED PARTY OFFICIALS PLOTTING AGAINST BERNIE SANDERS
DURING THE PRIMARIES.
IN THE WAKE OF THE CONTROVERSY, CLEARLY THE DEMOCRATS HAVE A
PROBLEM MANAGING THEIR E-MAIL.
FORTUNATELY, JORDAN KLEPPER AND HASAN MINHAJ HAVE A PLAN.
>> HASAN AND I TEAMED UP TO HELP PREVENT DEMOCRATS FROM REPEATING
THEIR ELECTRONIC MISTAKES.
>> IT'S HARD TO SECURE THE E-MAILS.
>> I THINK CYBER-SECURITY IS GOING TO BE ONE OF THE HOTTEST
ISSUES THAT FACES THE NEXT PRESIDENT.
>> DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE?
>> YEAH, YEAH, I DO.
>> CAN I SEE THIS?
SO...
( LAUGHTER ) >> I THINK IT DOESN'T REFLECT
WELL ON THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
>> I CAN SEE YOUR CELL PHONE REAL QUICK?
>> SURE.
>> SO, YEAH.
>> OH, MY GOD!
( APPLAUSE ) >> DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE?
>> YEAH, YEAH, I DO.
>> OKAY, COOL.
I CAN SEE?
SO-.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> COOL.
>> Trevor: THANKS, GUYS, GOOD JOBS.
AND P.S., HASAN WAS ARRESTED AFTER THAT PIECE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND JORDAN WAS GIVEN A STERN
WARNING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, THE DEMOCRATS-- THE
DEMOCRATS RESPONDED TO THIS LEAK BY ASKING D.N.C. CHAIR DEBBIE
WASSERMAN SCHULTZ TO STEP THE ( BLEEP ) OUT OF HERE.
BUT THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE, YOU KNOW.
BERNIE SANDERS SUPPORTERS WENT CRAZY.
THE D.N.C. COULDN'T DO ANYTHING TO CALM THEM DOWN.
THEY APOLOGIZED TO BERNIE.
THEY APOLOGIZED TO HIS SUPPORTERS.
THEN THEY ASKED BERNIE TO TALK TO HIS OWN SUPPORTERS WHICH IS A
GOOD PLAN BECAUSE IF BERNIE FANS WOULD LISTEN TO ANYONE, THEY
WOULD LISTEN TO HIM.
>> WE HAVE GOT TO ELECT HILLARY CLINTON AND TIM KAINE.
( BOOING ) THIS IS THE THE REAL WORLD THAT
WE LIVE IN.
>> Trevor: WHAT?
YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE BERNIE SANDERS.
HE SPENT THE LAST YEAR TEACHING PEOPLE TO DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE
DREAM-- UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE, TRILLIONS IN INFRASTRUCTURE,
FREE COLLEGE, ALL PAID FOR WITH HISTORIC TAX HIKES.
AND NOW IN A ROOM FULL OF THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THOSE IDEAS HE'S
COMING OUT LIKE A DISILLUSIONED PETER PAN.
"CLAP ALL YOU WANT.
TINKER BELL IS NOT COMING BACK.
THIS IS REAL LIFE."
( APPLAUSE ) AND WHAT'S EVEN CRAZIER TO ME IS
THAT HIS OWN FANS ARE BOOING HIM.
"WE LOVE YOU BERNIE!
WE'D FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE."
"I THINK WE SHOULD VOTE FOR HILLARY."
( BLEEP ) YOU OLD MAN.
EVEN THE BIRDS LANDING ON HIS PODIUM HAVE CHANGED THEIR TUNE.
LIKE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
ALL DAY LONG, THE BERNIE CAMP, THE BERNIE OR BUST CAMP WERE
MARCHING AROUND PHILLY BOOING EVERYTHING AND THE BEST NEWS
TEAM WAS THERE TO ASK JUST HOW SERIOUS THE FANS WERE.
>> WE WANTED TO SEE IF BERNIE'S PLEAS WOULD CHANGE THE MIND OF
HIS MOST HARD-CORP SUPPORTERS.
YOU AGREE WITH BERNIE YOU HAVE TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP
TRUMP?
>> YES.
>> WHICH MEANS ALSO VOTING FOR HILLARY?
>> NO.
>> I'M NOT VOTING FOR CRUMP OR HILLARY CLINTON.
>> CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WITHOUT DOING YOGA?
>> VOTING FOR HILLARY IS A VOTE TO STOP TRUMP WHICH IS WHAT
BERNIE WANTS, RIGHT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> SO YOU'LL VOTE FOR HILLARY?
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
>> I WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT YOU WERE SAYING TO ME AND REJECT IT
AS NOT EVEN THE POINT OR THE QUESTION THAT SHOULD BE BEING
ASKED.
>> WHAT QUESTION SHOULD BE BEING ASKED?
>> UM...
>> THE MOVEMENT IS MUCH MORE THAN BERNIE SANDERS.
>> SO YOU SUPPORT TAKING BERNIE DOWN.
>> IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES, THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES.
>> THAT'S SOME "GAME OF THRONES" BLEEP RIGHT THIS.
>> Trevor: BEFORE I CAME TO PHILLY I WAS TOLD TWO THINGS--
CHEESE STEAKS AND BOOING.
LIKE PHILLY FANS ARE NOTORIOUS FOR BOOING ANYTHING.
IN FACT, WHEN WE LANDED IN PHILLY, THE PILOT WAS LIKE,
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE LANDED SAFELY IN PHILADELPHIA."
AND THE CROWD WAS LIKE, "ABOUT OO!"
AND LAST NIGHT AT THE D.N.C., BERNIE FANS HAD THE SAME PHILLY
SPIRIT.
>> HILLARY CLINTON AND TIM KAINE WANT TO BUILD AN ECONOMY THAT
WORKING FOR EVERYONE, NOT JUST FOR PEOPLE AT THE TOP.
( ( BOOING ).
>> HILLARY CLINTON, BECAUSE OF HER--
( BOOING ).
>> DONALD TRUMP?
WELL, LIKE MOST REPUBLICANS, HE CHOOSES TO REJECT SCIENCE.
( BOOING ) >> OPENLY DISCRIMINATE AGAINST
GAYS AND LESBIANS.
( BOOING ) THAT'S DONALD TRUMP'S AMERICA.
>> Trevor: OKAY, CAN I SUGGEST SOMETHING REAL QUICK?
LET ME SUGGEST SOMETHING.
I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE LIKE BOOING, BUT WE NEED SOME BOOING CLARITY.
YOU CAN'T GIVE THE SAME BOOS TO HILLARY AS DISCRIMINATION OF GAY
PEOPLE.
IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.
I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.
IN MOST PARTS OF AFRICA WE HAVE TWO DISTINCT DIFFERENT TYPES OF
EXPRESSIONS FROM A CROWD.
ALL RIGHT.
BOOING IS FOR AN INDIVIDUAL.
YOU BOO A PERSON.
IF SOMETHING SHOCKS YOU OR IS UNBELIEVABLE THEN YOU GO-- AHHH!
IF SOMEONE IS ON STAGE AND GOES, "PEOPLE ARE BEING ROBBED EVERY
DAY."
YOU'RE LIKE, "AAAHH."
AND "I AM THE ONE ROBBING YOU."
"BOO."
YOU HAVE TO SEPARATE THEM.
THIS IS WHY MICHELLE OBAMA IS SUCH A SUPER STAR.
IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS CHAOS SHE STEPPED INTO THE BOOS AND
LIKE A REVERSE MOSES SHE BROUGHT BOTH SIDES TOGETHER.
AND WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT WAS IN COMPLETE CONTRAST TO WHAT WE
SAW IN CLEVELAND BECAUSE IT SHOWED THAT THERE'S MORE THAN
ONE WAY TO UNIFY PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW, THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION UNITED PEOPLE IN
THEIR FEAR AND HATRED.
THE DEMOCRATS WERE EQUALLY SHAMELESS BUT IN THE OTHER
DIRECTION.
INSTEAD OF FEAR MONGERING THEY WERE HOPE MONGERING.
>> WE MUST INSTILL HOPE IN EVERY AMERICAN.
>> LOVE AND HOPE.
>> OUR PARTY HEARS EVERY VOICE AND EMPOWERS EVERY PERSON.
>> ALL OF US ARE READY FOR AN AMERICA THAT REJECTS
DISCRIMINATION AND EMBRACES DIVERSITY.
>> AMERICA REMAINS A WELCOMING NATION.
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE SAYINGS IS AN AFRICAN SAYING AND IT SAYS,
"IF YOU WANT TO GO FAST, GO ALONE BUT IF YOU WANT TO GO FAR,
GO TOGETHER."
>> Trevor: THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S ACTUALLY A COMMON AFRICAN SAYING BUT IT'S KIND OF OUTDATED
SINCE WE GOT UBER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW WHEN WE HANG OUT WE'RE MORE LIKE, "IF YOU WANT TO GO SOON,
MY DRIVER KEVIN IS THREE MINUTES AWAY."
THE REAL TEST HOWEVER OF THE PARTY'S UNITY CAME AT THE END OF
THE NIGHT WHEN THE SOCIALIST SEX SYMBOL HIMSELF GOT UP ON TO THAT
STAGE TO SPEAK.
>> ANY OBJECTIVE OBSERVER WILL CONCLUDE THAT BASED ON HER IDEAS
AND HER LEADERSHIP, HILLARY CLINTON MUST BECOME THE NEXT
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND I AM PROUD TO STAND WITH HER
TONIGHT.
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
>> Trevor: WOW.
JUST LIKE THAT.
BERNIE'S 2016 RUN WAS OVER.
AND IT REALLY WAS A BITTERSWEET MOMENT FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED,
ESPECIALLY FOR THE LIBERAL WING OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, SOME OF
WHOM WERE ACTUALLY IN TEARS AS BERNIE DELIVERED HIS SWAN SONG.
THERE WERE SO MANY WHITE WOMEN TRYING I THOUGHT PINTEREST HAD
DIED.
( LAUGHTER ) IT REALLY WAS AN MEASURE DAY,
WHICH KIND OF REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER AFRICAN SAYING, WHICH
TRANSLATED MEANS THESE AMERICANS ARE ( BLEEP ) CRAZY, EH?
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )