'No!'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of This Sick World
'I know you'
We're looking at Curse of the Crimson Altar
'I see naked girls being chased thouth the forest every night of my life'
Robert Manning, an antiques dealer who doesn't understand candlesticks.
‘What’s that for?’
is searching for his missing brother
'Well I thought I'd walk down the village, make a few inquiries about my brother
and if I can't find anything go back home.'
With no real sense of urgency whatsoever.
'you want me to list him as a missing person'
'no'
Although in fairness, his search takes him to one of those hippy piggyback and paint brush orgies that you've heard about.
'Welcome to the party!'
and you'd be distracted too.
Having hooked the audience with promises of promiscuous teens,
we never see these people again
The action focuses on the gothic mansion of the Morely family.
'It's a bit like the houses in one of those old horror films'
How ironical.
'As though Boris Karloff is going to pop up at any moment'
Oh wouldn't that be hilarious?
'It is not wise to joke about such matters'
Always good to see Karloff and he's been in worse films than this
'Not in very good taste I admit. But then these things do happen'
Christopher Lee's in it too?
'Yes I am'
Good stuff
'Good stuff? Is that all you can find to say about it?'
The film does do a good job of exploiting the established personas of these two horror greats,
particularly Karloff
'What do you collect'
'Instruments of torture'
It also features a brief but memorable appearance by horror icon Barbara Steele
'Enter our world of Darkness.'
and Michael Gough
as caretaker to a witch's courtroom
And frankly I would pay the ticket price just to hear Boris Karloff say...
'Eroticism'
Soon after his arrival Manning starts having weird dreams about kinky rituals
his missing sibling
'Oh yes and my brother was there too'
and
'There was a goat I remember'
'There was a goat '
'And there was a goat'
I do hope the goat is important
'The Devil is not exactly noted for his sense of humour'
The first issue is the good guy
'What are you talking about?'
Many cheap horror films have this issue, they know we're there for the bad guys;
the Karloff, the Lee, the Steele, the vampire, the monster and so short change us on the hero.
'He's got a point there.'
But a monster is only as good as their adversary.
How can I fully appreciate the evil of Christopher Lee
'Your life shall be forfeit'
if the target of his evil is so bloody uninteresting
'I must apologise for his rudeness'
Robert Manning wanders about in his karate pyjamas.
'You can't go walking about in pyjamas on a night like this.'
Occasionally recalling that he's supposed to be looking for his brother
'Tell me what happened to him'
'Dead'
A revelation that has as little impact on him as the discovery of a corpse
Pausing only to make clumsy passes at women
'Good night.'
sometimes it works, sometimes you get charged with assault.
'Oh this is a comfortable bed, I don't feel like moving'
'Well it's only big enough for one.'
'Then where are you going to sleep?'
Really can't take no for answer
'Well, what's wrong with that'
Manning is a nothing character at the best of times
'I knew it!'
stick him next to Boris Karloff
'Eroticism'
and he vanishes completely.
Even when trying to save the girl, he ends up in a torture chamber in Christopher Lee's attic
and has to be saved himself
It's nice to see 2 horror greats facing off, albeit very, very briefly,
and I don't want to be 'that guy' but I really don't see Karloff getting up all those stairs in time
'That would be most interesting'
Then there are the dreams
'I didn't dream this place, I was brought here'
but...
'How did he get me up to that room and induce those dreams?'
'Hypnotism'
If He hypnotised you then why the set and the costumes?
'These cobwebs are fake.'
If he didn't and it was all real then how is your dead brother involved?
'Stop!'
Also, Boris, seems to know a lot about this
'He was mad. For years I suspected for years he had a sick mind'
Information you, arguably should have shared.
'You are the last of the Manning line. The last chance I had to force him to give himself away?.
Pity I had to let the rest of your family die.
'There must be some meaning to all this'
With a more engaging hero and a more lucid plot this would actually be a pleasant enough 90 minutes
'Although, from what I've heard it does sound a little absurd'
It is. But Karloff and Lee, this one might actually be worth a watch.
'We shall meet again'
Thanks for watching and don't forget to subscribe.
Is the Boris / Lee the best in horror casting or is there a better team up out there?
let us know you thoughts in the comments below.
'Eroticism'