Do you ever get so overwhelmed by stress and anxiety that you just shut down? That
could be mentally, it could be emotionally, it could be physically, or even all three.
You quite literally can't take action. Maybe you can't get out of bed to face the day,
maybe you stare at a blank computer screen, you just can't do any work, or maybe you have
high functioning anxiety and you're moving through your day with a smile
on your face but behind the veneer there's kind of this blank numbness
and you're unable to engage or connect with anyone or anything in your life. This state,
this nervous system state, can be best described as a freeze response
and is best understood through polyvagal theory, as taught by Stephen Porges.
Hey, my name is Lucas, I am a yoga teacher and a breathing coach.
A huge portion of my work focuses around the autonomic nervous system and traditionally
we would think about the autonomic nervous system with two branches, the sympathetic
nervous system - fight, flight, take action, think about that like the gas pedal in the car,
and then we have our parasympathetic nervous system and this is rest, digest,
relax, connect, social engagement, think about that like the brake pedal in the car.
Stephen Porges is a psychologist and a neuroscientist and in the 1990s he
developed this theory which is very helpful for our conversation today. He took that
parasympathetic branch and began to understand that actually bifurcates into a ventral vagal
response, which is what we were talking about resting and digesting, high cognition, love,
and peace, and social connection, but then also a dorsal vagal response, which is a much more
primitive nervous system response, which is like a deer in headlights, completely frozen,
unable to take action, that might be physically, that might be mentally, emotionally,
but you are stuck, you're paralyzed, and that's probably why you're watching this video now. The
reason it's important to understand this is because many times when we're in that
frozen state we just start beating ourselves up and we assume that we lack motivation,
and we need to read personal growth books, or we need some software, or task manager,
or organization, or we need to just muscle through it, or we lack willpower.
That's rarely the case. What you often need is connection. In this video I'd
like to share with you the basics of polyvagal theory, how to think about it in your life,
and most importantly, how to break free when you're feeling stuck. You can see examples
of a freeze response in your daily life but you can also see extreme examples in the news media,
some of these are really tragic, let me share a couple with you so you can understand how far
this can go. Back in 2012 during the mass shooting in Aurora Colorado there was a
gunman in a movie theater. When the gunman opened fire most people
they flipped into a sympathetic, gas pedal, fight-or-flight response,
that prioritizes your heart and your skeletal muscles, your pupils dilate, and they ran for
the doors, or they took cover. Most people responded that way, as you would expect.
But some people, a significant minority of people, self-reported feeling frozen.
They were stuck in their chair, like a deer in headlights, they couldn't move. Why did that
happen? The same reason it happens that you get stuck with your work, the same reason it
happens you get stuck with your relationship conflict, sometimes we shut down. This is so
common during times of physical threat and danger that psychologists actually
use the term "the bystander effect", where things, negative things, dangerous things,
will happen and people will simply sit there and watch. One of the most notorious cases of this
was back in the 60s in New York City. A woman named Kitty Genovese was raped
and brutally stabbed on her street and 38 people either saw or heard it happening
and they did nothing. The reason we talk about this specific story is because that's so many
people, 38 people, and it really boggles the mind. Are all 38 of those people cowards,
and weak willed, and lack motivation, no backbone? No, not really.
They're people just like you and me. In an extreme situation they shut down
like that deer in headlights. That's that dorsal vagal response. For sure they've
lived their lives with shame, and guilt, and a lot of blame around their inability to act,
but many of us are experiencing the same thing to a much lesser extent right now.
We want to put a bag over our head, or I should say our nervous system
wants to put a bag over our head, and hope that the stress has passed. But sometimes they do
and often they don't, right? Kitty Genovese unfortunately tragically she died,
people miss their work deadlines, they get fired, people flake out on their relationships,
and they fall apart, they get divorced. These things happen and they can stack and compile
really, really quickly. The question is, what do you do about it? Let me share with
you a very short story. My father and I were driving in Southern California many years
ago on the 14 highway. We were heading out towards Mojave. As we were driving,
we saw a dust ball coming towards us, and the dust ball got bigger, and bigger,
and suddenly we could see objects in the dust ball, it was very ominous. My father swerved
to the side of the road, we jumped out of the car, and the cars piled up on our side and also
on the opposite side, and we all sat there and watched. As the dust settled what we saw
was about five families' worth of stuff all over the road. It's a very scary sight to
see washing machines, and bikes, and kids clothes, and kitchen utensils, all these
very intimate household items, just an entire life's worth of stuff,
just strewn across the highway. But even more scary, more threatening, was what
we saw that had happened. A full-size van was pulling a makeshift trailer had jackknifed and
spun out on the highway, and now that van was sitting on its side, and all of us,
there were at least 20 of us between the two sides of the road, we were all frozen.
We looked at that van and instinctively we knew there would be blood, and death,
and carnage, and none of us could do anything. All of us needed and wanted to help,
and we could not. What happened next is the part I want you to remember. My father and I,
we looked at each other, we made eye contact, we nodded, and immediately
the freeze was broken. We jumped over the center divider, we opened the van,
and it's a happy story, no-one was hurt seriously. What sticks with me from
that story is how useless all of us were in that moment, and most importantly,
how my father and I broke free. It's not because we have a heart of gold,
or that we're good samaritans, or that we have, you know, military-like determination.
What helped us break free is we were able to socially look and connect with each other.
Every other single person came as a sole driver, meaning they were driving along and they were
watching this alone. They did not have this ability to socially connect, so they didn't.
The opposite of a freeze response is not taking action. The opposite of a freeze response is
not motivational books, the opposite of a freeze response is not pumping yourself up,
or self-flagellation, or shame, or blame, it's connection and this is why so many
people are frozen right now. We're working from home, we're working out at home,
we're socially isolated, we're spending all of our time online. If you are frozen,
whether it's affecting something small in your life or something huge in your life, the way
to break free from this freeze response is to socially connect. That could be with
your father, like I did, that could be with a friend or a relative,
that could be taking your laptop stopping working from home and working from a
co-working place, that could be instead of working out at home, going
to a yoga class, or a gym, or a fitness center, and connecting with somebody in real life.
That might mean paying somebody to talk to you, like a therapist, or a counselor. If
you don't look someone in the eyes, if you don't have that human to human connection,
you won't behave like a modern human, you'll behave like a primitive human, and like a
deer in headlights, you'll sit there and stare as your life goes by, or more likely as it explodes
right in front of you. If you're interested in learning more about the polyvagal theory, I'd
encourage you to check out the work of Stephen Porges and I've also found the work
of Deb Dana very, very helpful. She was a guest on my podcast a couple of years ago,
I'll put links to both of them down below. If you've had a freeze response experience like
I did, I'd love to hear from you down in the comments below. You will find
my teaching calendar at yogabody.com and if you'd like more science-based videos,
I publish videos about the nervous system, breathing, injuries, and more,
hit subscribe down below. I hope this has been helpful and I'll see you in the next video.