How do I say this without hurting your feelings?
Should I quit YouTube
is a question I've been pondering for many years,
but more so now.
And I think a lot of YouTubers,
especially when you've been in the space for a few years --
I've been in this space for four years now,
and I wonder if this chapter should come to an end or not
and what the next step is.
Because YouTube is now my work, it's my business,
it's not just a hobby,
it's something that's providing a roof over my head
and the staff of four employees that I have
in my production space --
so my brain has to operate differently now.
It's not just doing what I want.
Now it has to do things that make sense business-wise.
And that's a scary place to be for me.
And when our efforts and our energy towards this space
is going like this,
and the viewership and the subscription is going like this,
and this gap over here, you know,
investing all this time, energy and creativity --
and there's this sense of, "We don't care,
and not only do we not care, we don't want to watch" --
it's like, oh my God. [laughing]
Really? I'm trying, though.
And that could be the same for another relationship.
You love and you invest so much time and energy
into a person, and they're just not feeling you.
[laughing]
The only reason why I can't fully quit-quit
is because there's still a large majority -- not majority --
there's still a lot of you out there
that love what we do here,
and I feel like me -- I'm a Taurus, and I'm stubborn,
and I don't like quitting.
Quitting, to me, is failing, is being lame, is giving up.
And I am not that person.
And for whatever reason, I have the negative connotation,
but the older I get, the more I realize
quitting is not those things,
despite me feeling that way.
But I have to ask myself a series of questions
before I do quit.
Don't be scared. [laughing]
The reason why I'm making this video is because
you and I have a relationship.
You see me.
I don't see you physically, but I do read your comments.
I have all this back-end YouTube analytics,
and I see the behaviors.
So before I make any...
before I make any rash decision,
I wanted to come to you guys and just have
like a one-on-one talk to find out
what is going on with this relationship,
because I don't want to continue to keep investing
and not have mutual feelings reciprocated.
And that might not be you.
But when I have, you know, 730-something-thousand people
subscribed to my channel,
and the people that show up show up,
I'm curious to know why and maybe why you're here,
why you watch my videos and why you're maybe on YouTube
in general.
I got to backtrack a little with a personal experience
that I talk candidly on my channel about.
I was married for five years,
and I've since been divorced.
Quitting someone, divorcing the person that you love --
I have loved this person since I was 21.
He's all I ever knew throughout my twenties,
and now I'm 30.
And the idea of divorcing someone is so, "Are you crazy?"
I fought. I did everything in my power that I could
to save my relationship
with the person that I've loved since 21.
I read every book I could possibly read on relationships.
I started going to counseling by myself
because this person didn't want to go with me,
and that's fine, because I have to work on me anyways.
I asked advice from my family,
from aunts and uncles that are happily married
to asking his family for help, and I did so much,
but at the end of the day, we're not happy.
We bring out the worst in each other.
We don't share the same beliefs anymore.
We've grown apart.
And at the end of the day you just don't want to be married.
So it took repeated run-ins to concrete walls
for me to finally get the picture, like,
"Maya, this person just doesn't want to be with you
despite how much you think you can work.
You can't control people."
So that's when I quit. "I quit you right now."
And it wasn't an easy decision. I'm stubborn.
It boiled down to me deciding,
"What is it that I want, and what will make me happy?"
And I feel that I'm at that crossroads again,
because I set out to be shameless
and shamelessly promote myself in pursuit of my dreams.
I was an actress. I went to theater school for acting.
And I tried to do the whole traditional route,
which is going to auditions trying to get someone
to hire me,
and it worked for little parts and here and there,
but the things that I wanted, I wasn't getting.
And it brought me here to YouTube.
And what I love about YouTube is, it gives you to the ability
to create from your mind and to put it out there
and share it with the world.
So I encourage people to be shameless and do that.
And the awesome thing that it's brought me are
opportunities like being cast in a feature film last year.
I worked on a feature film, Alaska Is a Drag,
that many of you guys may know about.
It is coming. It's happening.
I just did a web series, God Complex.
You can click here to watch the trailer.
And in both instances, I was super happy.
I was so happy, because I had tried so hard
to get these types of roles before,
and it just wasn't happening.
So instead of doing it the route of agents, auditions
and being rejected hundreds and thousands of times,
I did it on YouTube,
and instead of having to audition,
I now have directors and producers offering me roles.
And that is an amazing feeling.
So I'm grateful for those opportunities,
because YouTube was a vehicle to get me there.
My goal is still to create and tell stories,
and besides acting, I do like producing and creating.
That's something that I enjoy.
I'm a creative, and I like collaborating with other people,
which is part of why
I have a staff and a production company now.
I love the space that I live in.
It's a beautiful loft, and I have a Jeep, and life is good.
But I don't want to be complacent,
and I don't want to be comfortable.
So I pushed myself again to bring other people on board
and expand my team,
because if you want to go fast, go alone.
If you want to go far, go with a team.
And that's what I did.
And we're trying to create these videos for you guys
so you can enjoy them,
but I wonder if all this effort that we're putting
into these videos -- some of you appreciate it,
but I wonder if it's not the platform for that.
Because what I was saying earlier about my relationship
was, we didn't share the same beliefs,
and I wonder if YouTube and I don't share the same beliefs
of just the things that I hold dear to me,
and I wonder if that is on a different platform.
So that's where I'm at,
and I would love to get your perspective in what you think,
like -- why do you use YouTube, and why are you here?
Because parts of me like -- I am obsessed with podcasts.
I love getting in-depth, intellectual,
and listening to these ideas and concepts that people
have to talk about,
and I can listen for an hour in my home, in the car,
because podcasts are all about just listening.
And on YouTube, I feel that it's very ADD.
You have thumbnails everywhere, ads everywhere
telling you to stop watching this video and watch over here.
So I wonder if I don't share the same beliefs as YouTube.
But people change. Platforms change.
So I wonder if I should quit.
But before I do that,
I am going to try something else with you guys,
because it's all about communication,
and maybe I'm not listening to you,
because you guys love my hair videos.
You love my transformation videos.
And I was just like, voom, and voom.
Like, no more transformation videos.
And that was mainly because I didn't want to become
popular or famous for copying Beyonce or copying Nicki Minaj.
It as fun at the time, but that was a season,
and I moved into a different phase of my life.
I'm older, and that was just another chapter.
And I come from the world of, I just want to experience things
and then move on.
So the moving on for me was the Slumber Party,
creating the Slumber Party here for you guys,
because I really wanted to inspire conversations,
as well as Maya's World, which is a vlog
and a look into my life when I'm not here,
and my tech videos, which a lot of you guys like.
I want to do other things.
I want to start a next chapter,
and I wonder if, you know, God is saying, "Move.
Move on. Move on.
And if you don't invest all your energies into this space,
go elsewhere."
And I've been trying to do that, which is why
I have a team to help me kind of have the time
to do roles that take a month to fill.
Anyway, I say all this to say I'm not quitting yet.
But I do want to establish some new things
that I'm going to work on, which is
uploading videos consistently every Tuesday at 5:00 PM
Pacific Standard Time -- that's LA time --
8:00 PM Toronto/New York time, the East Coast,
and wherever other part in the world you are,
if you could look that up.
That's what I'm going to do.
I also think you guys just want to talk
and have conversations, so let me know
what conversations you want to have with me
and put it in the comments below.
And really, it's all about what makes you happy.
If you're in a situation that you're not happy
and you're trying everything in your power to make it work
and it just isn't working, I think it's time to move on.
But if you find yourself more frustrated than you are happy
in a relationship, maybe it's time to change things up
or maybe it's time to change your perspective
and even your expectations.
Maybe I expect too much.
Maybe there are opportunities that will come out
that I don't know of.
But I need to put my energies there
while also engaging with you and listening to you,
because I feel like maybe I'm not that good of a partner.
I'm not listening to you.
Because every time you guys say you enjoy something,
I'm just like -- I'm selfish.
I don't want to do a hair video.
I don't want to do a transformation video.
I want to do me.
But doing me is kind of -- can be pointless
if you're trying to do it with someone else,
and I'm trying to do this with you,
so if I've neglected you, I am sorry.
And I'm trying to think of other creative ways
to keep you guys stimulated.
I also am teaming up with this company called Juniper.
I'm not paid. I'm not sponsored.
But it's a rewards program, so I can actually give you gifts
that aren't random giveaways just randomly picking names
out of a generator
but actually, when you comment, when you like,
you get a reward, and I can see who you are,
and I could give you something based on your efforts.
In the description box, check that out.
And tell me if you guys are contemplating quitting something
and what that is, and let's talk about it.
Oh, and if you could do me a favor,
I'm going to do all these things, give you gifts,
all of that stuff -- oh, oops.
I'm holding my recording device.
If you could go onto YouTube and turn your notifications on --
on the subscribe button, if you just --
right beside that, there's a bell, and you can
turn the notifications on that way.
On your desktop, it's also the same.
Right beside the subscribe button, there's a bell,
and that's for notifications.
Thank you so much for just even being subscribed to my channel
and joining me on this journey.
And I have a ton more videos coming.
I do have a staff office tour, because I want you to meet
the people behind the scenes that work so hard.
Quitting is not a bad thing if you come from the world of,
you don't quit things.
If you quit things all the time, you might want to look at
why you're quitting things all the time,
but if you're the person who's like me who doesn't quit,
I encourage all of us to look at why that is.
Is it fear that's holding us back?
Is it complacency?
And what are your goals?
And is this going to help you get there?
And sometimes we take detours in life.
It makes it more of a scenic route.
Lots of drama along the way.
But ultimately, it's all for the greater good.
Remember to do you, boo. Be Shameless.
Listen to what other people and the universe
is trying to tell you and just be happy.
I love you very mucho.