- Notice anything different?
Yeah, we actually moved my little bobblehead
a few inches over.
Let's get started with another meme review.
Huge thanks to Audible for sponsoring this video.
Bee whoop!
"A map of the United States if it was an Oregon donor."
That's funny.
Get it?
'Cause organ donor.
But this is an Oregon donor.
Is it Oregon or Oregon?
- [Sam] It's spelled Oregon.
- See, it's Oregon, but is it Oregon or origami?
- [Sam] Aw-ruh-gaa-mee.
- And Oregon.
- [Sam] Aw-ruh-gan.
- That didn't clear up anything for me.
(beep)
"Doctor, I've been bitten by a wolf."
"Where?"
"No, just a normal."
Oh, that's good.
"That's a nasty bug you got there."
(laughs)
Oh my god.
We use bug for too many terms.
A bacteria, bug.
Virus, bug.
Which virus? Who knows?
A bunch of bugs.
Parasite, bug.
Got a tick bite, bug.
Like pretty much if you go to a doctor
and they write something about like a bug,
they're like 50% chance likelihood
that they're getting it right.
"Evolving from violent language.
"Instead of I have a concussion, I'm in my bonked-up state."
What?
"I'm concussed.
"I'm all bonked up.
"My brain is bruised.
"I've got BrainBonk."
With a TM, is it trademarked?
"I'm in my concussive era.
"It's serving gonked gourd."
What?
"My concussion may affect the quality of my work.
"Getting my concussy slonked..."
(coughs)
(explosion)
(beep)
"Person has an allergic reaction.
"Dr. Mike: After all, why not?
"Why shouldn't I talk about
"when I saved someone on a plane?"
All right, I'll stop telling the story.
But how often is it that you watch "Grey's Anatomy"
and you see all these emergencies happen midair
and then it happens to you and you don't have the tools
and you have to MacGyver it?
I mean, come on.
That's a cool story.
"Me after watching 5 Minute Craft video."
(laughs)
(explosion)
(beep)
"Little medical bracelets,
"but they tell the nurse they're not allowed
"to do a TikTok about you."
That's every patient
because you have something known as HIPAA,
health insurance...
No, Health Information Patient Privacy Portability Act.
I have no idea.
Health Insurance Portability Accountability Act.
Ah!
"Oklahoma, goodlahoma, badlahoma."
I guess depending on which way you look at it.
What happens in Oklahoma?
If you live in Oklahoma, tell me what happens down there.
"Dr. Mike: Eat a spoonful of sugar to stop hiccups.
"Me."
No, you don't need that big of a spoon.
Just a regular teaspoon.
"Decided I need to eat something healthy,
"so I made a delicious omelet this morning.
"I seasoned the eggs with sugar, oil, chocolate,
"and threw in a little flour for texture."
That is not an omelet, that is a brownie.
Do brownies have eggs in them?
"Slicing my strawberry shortcake ice cream bar
"like it's Wagyu beef."
It actually does look like Wagyu beef.
If anyone's ever had some of that Japanese Wagyu,
a five Wagyu, ooh.
But it's not super healthy 'cause it has a high fat content.
The good part
about eating the strawberry shortcake ice cream like this
is you will get full sooner because the more bites you take,
the more you're tricking your mind to thinking you're full.
"This aged well."
Okay, when they say this aged well online
that means some take was good that was made a long time ago.
But why did this age well?
Oh, it's a well that aged.
Okay.
Well done.
"I bet there's a couple seconds
"on that Medieval torture stretcher rack
"where it feels incredible."
Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no.
"What do we learn from the hippopotamuses?"
Is it hippopotamuses or hippopotamusi?
- [Sam] Muses.
- Are you sure?
- [Sam] Yeah.
- Is it bacteria or bacterium?
- [Sam] Bacterias.
- Wrong.
Bacteria is plural, Sam.
And bacterium is a single bacteria.
- [Sam] Tell that to your mustache.
- Yeah, I probably will.
(beep)
You can gain weight from eating any food with caloric value.
And I threw in caloric value
'cause I know someone's gonna be like,
"Can you gain weight by eating paper?"
No, you can't gain weight by eating paper.
But anything that has caloric value,
if you overeat, you ultimately have a surplus of calories.
Your body's gonna store that.
Certain nutrients are easier to store than others.
Certain nutrients have more caloric value than others.
Certain nutrients are harder to break down
and access those caloric nutrients.
So it's different, but it's all the same.
(static rumbles)
"Today I operated on a little girl.
"She needed O negative blood.
"We didn't have any,
"but her twin brother has O negative blood.
"I explained to him that it was a matter of life and death.
"He sat quietly for a moment,
"then said goodbye to his parents.
"I didn't think anything of it until after we took his blood
"and he asked, 'So when will I die?'
"He thought he was giving his life for hers.
"Thankfully they," oh my.
(Sam laughs)
I was gonna pop out my lower lip and say...
I feel bamboozled.
(static rumbles)
Why do I feel like when I ask for emotional support,
it's mostly him just asking for scratches,
but somehow scratching him is like a level
of emotional support.
At least Bear likes me with my mustache.
"Music makes you," caps lock, shift, control, alt, delete.
What?
Music makes you lose control.
But music also makes you A S D. (laughs)
Z X C.
Why you looking kind of A X C. (laughs)
(beep)
"Croc enthusiasts can now buy mini crocs
"that attach to their regular size crocs
"so they can wear more crocs."
I need to know the obsession of crocs in healthcare.
I understand that they're comfortable.
I understand they're easy to slip on.
They're easy to clean.
They have holes.
Fluids go in those holes.
Sharps go in those holes.
These are not medically appropriate shoes!
"Goosebumps." (laughs)
Do goose, do geese have, is it goose or geese?
- [Sam] Geese.
- What about a male goose?
- [Sam] A goose.
- Female goose?
- [Sam] Goose.
- Sure?
- [Sam] Yeah.
- What about a gweese?
(beep)
"Vintage ice cream scooper, very good condition.
"Was cleaning out garage
"and I found this antique ice cream scooper.
"This needs to be cleaned."
That is not antique.
Maybe you could say a little retro,
but that is a speculum that goes inside the female genitalia
to check out the vaginal canal and possibly the cervix.
"A teenager at work asked me if I was old enough
"to have seen a PlayStation 2 in real life.
"And if anyone needs me,
"I will quietly be walking into the sea."
Oh my god.
I collected money for PlayStation 2
inside a Pokemon tin can, which included quarters,
half dollars, and singles that my grandpa gave me
for doing little things around the house.
And then we went, and I paid with that change at KB Toys,
which I believe is bankrupt now.
I thought I was so cool
'cause the only game I could afford was Tekken.
"I don't feel well."
"Okay, breathe in, Kirby.
"Sharon, send in my next patient."
(laughs)
(static rumbles)
Back to the memes and my mustache in just a second,
but first I want to thank Audible for sponsoring this video.
September is my favorite time of year to try something new.
Something about the end of summer vacation
and the start of a new school year
always inspires me to start a new chapter myself.
That's why I started listening to "Bad Advice"
by Dr. Paul Offit on Audible, which I'm loving
not only because Dr. Paul Offit has been on the channel,
but also he does a great job explaining why celebrities
and activists aren't your best source
for health information.
You should seriously check it out.
And Audible doesn't just have great titles like that,
but they have podcasts
or their exclusive words and music series
from people like Snoop Dogg, John Legend,
or even Tenacious D.
New members can get a free trial too.
So to get started, just visit audible.com/doctormike.
Remember, doctor is spelled out.
Or text DOCTORMIKE to 500-500.
All right, let's get back to the memes and the mustache.
"Man shares picture before and after liver transplant."
Why did the child become darker and yellow?
Oh, did he take the child's liver?
Oh, that's mean.
Don't say that.
Come on now.
By the way, jaundice is a thing that happens
when you have a failing liver
because it messes with your bile metabolism.
"Bacteria, viruses, parasites, cancer cells, immune system.
"A peanut." (laughs)
Yeah, for real.
Sometimes our immune systems overreact to things
that aren't dangerous.
But also immune systems are wonderful.
Wonderful.
Thank your immune system right now
'cause you're surrounded by germs, by bugs, by cancer cells,
and your immune system is taking care of all that
without you even thinking about it.
"Women love telling you to wash your water bottle.
"It gets clean every time I fill it, babe."
Not necessarily, and you backwash into it.
And I can't begin to tell you the amount
of disgusting bacteria that we all have in our mouths
that if you let sit in a used water bottle
how fast it grows.
Oh, it's like a Petri dish in there after a while,
"Nobody.
"Nurses and lab techs." (laughs)
Every time I walk by one of my nurses or phlebotomists,
they go, "Mike, nice veins."
I'm like, you ain't getting any blood out of these, Dracula.
"Dr. Mike: watches five minute crafts health hacks.
"Dr. Mike's brain cells."
Honestly, I should sue,
not because they put medical misinformation out there.
Maybe someone else can sue them for that.
I should sue them for the medical damage
that they did to my neurologic system
after watching those videos,
which by the way, they're linked down below.
"I'm here, I'm queer,
"and my joint pain is moderate to severe."
Yeah, joint pain sucks.
And you know what's really bad about joint pain
is we have to oftentimes figure out what the cause is,
and it's not always evident.
Sometimes it could be something
as simple as the way we sit unergonomically at work,
or it could be something more severe
like an autoimmune condition,
as an example rheumatoid arthritis.
"Macaroni and cheese beer, double cheese IPA."
You know what's hilarious?
I just went to see MKBHD, Marques Brownlee,
big tech YouTuber if you don't know.
The biggest probably.
Play ultimate Frisbee
'cause he's a professional Frisbee player.
I should say it's the American Ultimate Disc League.
He won in the playoffs, which was really cool.
I got to say hi to him.
Here's a photo of us.
But there was a dude drinking IPA in front of me,
and it was like citrus, melon, and peach mango.
I'm like, how many fruits can you put in a beer
before it's no longer a beer
and it's a juice drink with alcohol?
Come on, that's cheating.
"A wise doctor once wrote,"
a prescription for penicillin
because they were concerned about a penicillin allergy,
but they knew 90% of patients
who think they have penicillin allergy actually don't.
Why is this funny?
I can read this.
- [Sam] I thought you could.
Thanks for translating.
- Yeah, no problem, man.
"Save money by buying the lenses and not the frames."
Honestly, the frame whole thing is ridiculous.
And I don't know if this applies to eyeglasses.
I know it applies to sunglasses.
It's run by like one or two organizations
that have a monopoly on worldwide frame distribution.
And it's so shady.
There's like really good videos on the topic.
"Morning: want to sleep.
"Afternoon: dying to sleep.
"Night: can't sleep."
This happens so often.
Not everybody.
I can't put everyone in this category
'cause some people do suffer with true insomnia
for a myriad of reasons.
But so many of us are at fault
for our inability to fall asleep at night.
A lot of it has to do with what's within our control.
Not taking long naps during the day,
not drinking caffeine close to bedtime,
stop taking pre-workout at 7:00 PM
when you come home from work tired
and you want to go to the gym.
It has a ton of caffeine.
It's gonna be in your system.
It's gonna make it hard to fall asleep.
Then you get anxious, then you get angry,
then it ruins your mental state,
then your blood pressure goes up,
and that's how heart disease happens.
"How men shower.
"Deep scrub, water will get it."
Yeah, you should definitely get your feet
'cause that's where fungi live.
Most people will at some point
especially if your athletes will develop athletes' foot
or maybe an Onychomycosis, which is a fungal nail infection.
And those are hard to get rid of.
You know to treat one of those,
topical things don't usually work well.
And it takes six to 12 months to heal even if you do use it.
And then if it fails, it's like 50/50,
then you have to do oral treatment,
and oral treatment you not only have to do for 12 weeks,
but in the middle you have to get blood work done,
actually before and the middle get blood work done
to make sure your liver's not inflamed,
'cause these medications long-term can inflame your liver.
Clean your foots.
"You know how I got these scars?"
Oh my god, I've cut myself with those.
For those who don't know, those are icy pops.
They're not great for you.
Artificial colors galore.
A lot of sugar added galore.
If you have 'em every now and then,
probably not the end of the world.
But when you open them, you have to like tear it open,
and it creates these really fine, sharp edges
that when you suck on the icy pop,
it ends up cutting your mouth.
Kind of wish I had one of those right now
to cut this mustache off
that Sam forced me to wear throughout this video.
(static rumbles)
"New version of Operation
"just has players use essential oils
"instead of performing a medical procedure."
Honestly, instead of like body parts in there,
you should just be able to deposit little crystals.
Oh, you have appendicitis?
Here's a little jade crystal.
Oh, you'd like to be more fertile?
Here's a jade egg courtesy of Goop.
Real thing that happened by the way.
"One bite of this chip
"would kill a 15th century peasant instantly."
Why?
Have we developed superpowers that they didn't have
in the 15th century?
And why a peasant only?
Would royalty be immune to Doritos Cool Ranch?"
Every time I eat Doritos,
and this is not factually accurate,
I feel like I'm eating poison,
but it tastes so good, and it probably isn't poison.
It's just not an ideal food to eat often.
"Med school be like: identify the nerve."
Oh my god.
Here's a picture of what cadavers bodies look like
when we have to identify nerves.
And you're gonna see how similar it's to this picture.
It's really, really hard.
I would go in, and when you would learn the nerves,
you'd be like, "Oh, these are really clean.
"I get it."
But when they remove all the other landmarks,
and there's only one nerve pinned,
it's really hard to identify where you are in the body.
"What can be smooth but also rough."
Endoplasmic reticulum?
I knew it!
I didn't even read it, I swear.
Wait, why is this funny?
- [Sam] I think the first comment
is someone trying to be sexual.
- Oh, but the whole time I thought endoplasmic reticulum.
What also can be smooth and rough?
I know.
A Brazilian jiujitsu fighter, they're smooth.
They're also rough.
Someone with eyedrops puts eyedrops, eyes drop. (laughs)
Okay, at least I followed along that one.
Okay.
By the way, we overuse Visine because Visine what it does
is it vasoconstricts the arteries in our eyes,
and that's not always good
because if your eyes are vasodilated,
meaning the blood vessels within your eye,
that might be for a reason.
And just forcing them to close shut may not be ideal.
In fact, I know Dr. Glaucomfleckens
is not a huge fan of Visine.
It's one of his greatest fears
or so he told me in our interview.
Didn't you say you hate Visine so much
and it's like your biggest fear?
- It is.
I might have said that.
I do hate Visine more than anything else in the world.
- Yeah, I had to save a gentleman's life
on a transatlantic flight.
(beep)
"A cat.
"A can.
"A CAT scan."
Touche.
"A cat in a CAT scan.
"A cat can scan, a cat can scat a cat in a CAT scan."
Oh no.
"A cat can scan a cat's can in a CAT scan.
"That's my can."
The cat lovers are gonna love this one.
Here's some college advice that I gave to my nephew
but might also work for you.
Check that out.
And as always, stay happy and healthy.
Trust me, I'll shave it,
unless you tell me not to in the comments.
Huge thanks again to Audible for sponsoring this video.