- Believe it or not, the last time
that we did this, the internet was a lot
more sane, so yikes.
Hey there, you like to buy things online, right?
Of course you do.
You can buy pretty much anything online these days,
and I really do mean anything.
And if you're feeling adventurous or just bored
or really just wanna waste your money,
all of the above is possible,
especially if you buy the following things.
(light music)
(mouse clicks)
(package sails)
(package crashes)
Here are the 10 craziest things that you
can buy online, part two.
Number 10 is line stand-in. (mouse clicks)
Buying the latest gaming system, video
game or movie premier or even concert ticket
is exciting, but the whole physically
standing in line thing, pbbt, lame.
That is, unless you do a little online shopping
and rent yourself a line stand-in.
These hard workers take from you
the last job that you ever want to do,
which is waiting.
Look at you, all impatient, this generation, man.
There's a lotta options, but one of the most
popular ones is LineStanding.com.
The stander will charge an hourly rate
and will literally stand in line holding
a little sign with your name written on it
as if they were your limo driver.
I know I'm making fun of this,
but it actually makes a lot of sense.
Imagine showing up a minute before the store opens
and getting a game before the guy behind
you, who's been camped out for a day and a half.
That's definitely worth paying for,
and, also, the guy behind you should get a life.
Number nine is a modernized pet rock.
(mouse clicks)
Yep, the weirdness continues.
Many moons ago, it wasn't uncommon for kids
to have pet rocks!
Yeah, kids used to be much simpler.
These ridiculous stones were used
by parents claiming that it would determine
if a child was ready for the responsibility
of having a real pet.
Yeah, I totally see the correlation there.
Really, they were just boring paperweights
that helped change the minds of kids on that subject.
Yeah, Timmy, you don't have to feed the rock,
but you do have to feed a cat or a dog,
and they poop, a lot.
Well, believe it or not, today there's
a modernized version of the pet rock,
and this one's got a USB charger.
Now, you might be asking, but what's that there for?
And the answer's likely not going to surprise you.
It's there for no reason.
Seriously, I'm not joking.
It's really bizarre and weird.
But, actually, it's also kind of genius,
because the ads that run for these pet rocks
have the USB in them, which makes people intrigued.
It's really just brilliant marketing,
because it's bringing a really old technology
into the new age.
Now, Timmy, remember to charge your pet rock.
We wouldn't want it dying on us.
Ha, ha, ha ha!
Number eight is a celebrity's time.
(mouse clicks)
Celebrities are important people who are
seemingly always busy, too busy to notice
the rest of us normal people on the street
or at a premier.
That is, of course, unless the reason that
you're encountering that person is literally
because you've purchased their time on the internet.
Oh, Tom Cruise, it's a pleasure to meet you.
So I spent uh $10,000, and jumping
on the couch time starts now.
For the right price, a big-shot movie star,
singer, athlete or even a politician
will appear at your function, chatting
and taking pictures with your guests
or even just hanging out with you and your family.
What a stupid concept!
Like, who's gonna buy this?
Okay, anyway, let's continue.
And if you're really lazy, you can even
hire a millionaire concierge who acts
as a middleman and essentially rents you
the celebrity of your choice's time.
Sure, it takes away more money than the average
online shopper has to their name,
but, if you can afford it, your favorite
celebrity could be on hand to watch
you blow out your birthday candles.
Number seven is urine-powered batteries.
(mouse clicks)
Mm, nope.
Just because something is crazy for being
purchasable online doesn't mean that it's not useful.
And for that matter, kinda cool?
Mind you, when it comes to this particular
product, all that usefulness and coolness
comes with a bit of a gross factor.
That is because today, you can buy yourself
a urine-powered battery!
Splish splash, okay, we can charge the phone now.
Developed in early 2016 as a joint venture
between the Queen Mary University of London
and the Bristol BioEnergy Center, this battery
contains a microbial fuel cell that can
be charged using, you guessed it, human pee-pee!
But as weird as this is, believe it or not,
it's not the first time that such a device
has been made, as there will soon be a variety
of these kind of power sources available.
Who knew that there was such a demand
for pee-powered technology?
In fact, today you can order your own short-duration,
urine-powered batteries online from companies in Japan.
Oh ho, these come from Japan.
That makes a lot more sense.
Number six are serial killer fingernails.
(mouse clicks)
Why does this exist?
Serial killers oddly have a huge following
with people seemingly awed by the choices
that these evil men and women made during their lives.
And so enamored are some that they will flock
to true crime auctions and memorabilia websites
in order to get their hands on something
the murderer owned, touched or even something
that was once a part of them,
like fingernails.
That's right, if you're a crazy person
who just has to have the piece of a serial killer,
you're in luck, because sick men like
Roy Norris from the Murderer Mac Team,
have realized their body parts, however small,
can make them some fast cash.
Here, here, here, here, here.
There ya go.
Now, before you think, pbbt, no one would buy this,
Norris has actually sold several of his
fingernail shavings online for $10 to $12 a pop,
and he's not the only one.
Multiple inmates have sent hair to the highest
bidders, adding a certificate of authenticity to boot.
Okay, gotta move on.
Number five is excrement.
(mouse clicks)
Oh God, you knew poo was gonna be one of these.
We live in an age where it's insanely
easy to get revenge on someone through the mail
while maintaining anonymity.
Yes, I have a PO box.
Please don't get any ideas.
I'm not eye dubs.
In a world of exploding glitter cards
and embarrassing fictional medical
procedure reminders being physically mailed out
yet arranged via the internet,
it is truly a prankster's paradise.
So I guess it was just a matter of time
before numerous online companies
began popping up offering the ultimate
unwanted package, poopy!
Websites such as PoopSenders.com, and I almost
don't even wanna tell you guys that,
'cause some of you are gonna go there,
guarantee that the victim of your ire
will receive a healthy heap of some of the nastiest,
stinkiest, fresh poopy packages anyone's ever seen.
And the reviews confirm the quality of the product,
as many are pleased to hear that their
boss or rival are complaining about the box
of crap that a secret someone sent them.
Gross.
Seriously, this is like a twisted secret Santa.
Please don't go there.
Number four is a UFO detector.
(mouse clicks)
If you're looking for the perfect gift
to give the tinfoil hat-wearing alien
conspiracy theorist in your life,
than your search is over.
Introducing the UFO Detector,
a real-life product that you can purchase
online right now.
Incredibly, unlike most mind-boggling
items for sale on the internet, this device
is actually available on Amazon,
and the sellers are very serious
about what they're offering.
When it first came out, the product had
stellar reviews, and, today, the Amazon
page for the UFO Detector has people commenting
that they feel much safer knowing that it's
looking out for them, while others are giving
it a one star, claiming that it costs
way too much and, uh, it doesn't work.
Oh, big surprise.
And there's even one unfortunate reviewer
that set up the device but says that they're
still being abducted by extraterrestrials
on a regular basis.
Yeah, I have the feeling that's the least
of that guy's problems.
Number three is a baby's name.
(mouse clicks)
Pbbt, new moms have it rough.
Think about it.
After nine months of carrying a human around,
your mom then had to support you, feeding
and changing you for years until you
could do those things for yourself.
Well, believe it or not, some women can
actually make a birth an income opportunity.
I'm looking at you GoldenPalace.com
And, yes, this actually happened.
On May 19, 2005, Richard Rowe, the CEO
of GoldenPalace.com, an online casino,
released a statement congratulating the parents
of a newborn baby in Trenton, New Jersey.
Just prior to that, the casino won an eBay
bidding war for the right to name the baby
whatever they wanted, and, naturally,
they settled on GoldenPalace.com.
How's that even legal?
The baby's parents earned a whopping $15,000
for selling the name, prompting other
pregnant parents to create similar auctions.
Okay, I'm done.
(record scratching) This is just.
We got two more?
Oh God.
Number two is an imaginary friend.
(mouse clicks)
Plenty of kids have imaginary friends when they're young.
Heck, I had three,
until they formed a gang and felt that
they could do better without me. (crying)
Ugh, but if they don't abandon you,
like they did to me, you'll likely find
yourself outgrowing that necessity of having them.
Well, that is until you sell them
to the highest bidder on eBay.
That's right, a number of people have
actually put their imaginary friends
up for sale in an auction, claiming that
they'll make loyal companions to those who purchase them.
Ugh, this is like selling a ghost in a jar
or a fart in a jar.
Same thing, I guess.
Apparently, selling them is good for a person's
mental health, because in 2007, such an invisible
friend was sold for a whopping 2,750 bucks!
And many others continued to pop up
on the site varying in price.
Yes, you too could drop a few hundred,
or even a few thousand dollars, on a new bestie!
Shoot, give me a few thousand dollars.
I'll fly out to your house right now
and be your bestest friend.
And number one is uranium ore.
(mouse clicks)
Attention James Bond villains, why go about stealing
dangerous materials when you could just buy them online?
Mind-blowingly, you can actually purchase
real, radioactive uranium ore over the internet.
United Nuclear's website offers the isotope
along with chemicals, testing equipment
and other fun scientific stuff,
stuff that will inevitably cause cancer.
Yes, there's a disclaimer that says that
purchasing such ridiculous items do not
require a federal license or permit,
so, basically, anyone with enough money
can literally buy uranium.
That being said, you may be thinking
nobody would actually buy such a thing
over the internet in our day and age.
But you'd absolutely be wrong,
as they're apparently often sold out of isotope.
Sure, it might cost you 200 bucks for a small rock,
but can you really put a price on giving
yourself and your family radiation poisoning?
Woo!
Time to pay the bills.
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Thanks, Squarespace, for sponsoring this video.
I appreciate ya.
Seriously, don't go to any of these websites.
Like I said, not sponsored, and a lotta them
are just, huh, weird, weird beyond measure,
especially that last one.
Ain't nobody got time for cancer,
so watch out for yourselves, would ya?