Let's begin with Fox News, which yesterday agreed
to pay $787.5 million for saying
Dominion Voting Machines helped Joe Biden steal the election.
Although now that more details of the settlement
have come out, it turns out it's not all bad news for Fox.
REPORTER: The deal sparing Fox from what would have been
a very high-profile trial with some of the network's
own stars likely testifying.
REPORTER: Dominion's legal team says
there will be no on-air apologies
or retractions on Fox News.
In a statement, the network is saying,
"This settlement reflects Fox's continued commitment
to the highest journalistic standards."
[laughter]
That's right, high journalistic standards,
like this.
The green M&M got her boots back, but apparently
is now a lesbian maybe.
Yeah.
Look, I'm happy for Dominion, but Dominion was not
the only injured party here.
What about, you know, our faith in democracy?
There are people who will not trust elections
for the rest of their lives.
And I have to talk to those people.
[laughter]
I'm going to be arguing with them at Trump rallies
every four years for the rest of my life.
And you know what?
I'm not naive.
I didn't expect this lawsuit to restore
our country's faith in elections or even for me
to get a little cashola.
No.
But I was at least hoping to get a couple weeks of joy
out of seeing Sean Hannity up there on the stand, sweating
through his shirt like a beached manatee.
[laughter]
Would that have saved democracy?
I don't know.
But it would have been nice to see.
We're not going to get any of that.
They don't even have to apologize on air.
And, frankly, we deserve that, bare minimum.
[cheering]
Yes, you deserve that.
And you know what?
If the settlement won't give it to you, then I shall.
There is much fallout this evening,
and there will be for months.
We are admitting that we lied to you
for saying the wrong things about the-- the 2020 election.
Now, why is that?
Well, the truth is Donald Trump lost the election.
And, no, we didn't tell you because we
don't care what you think.
Now we have to pay hundreds of millions of dollars.
We were wrong.
We are completely irresponsible,
and we're sorry, America.
I'm sorry for repeating something that was untrue.
I'm sorry.
I just got to take a quick break and go cry in a closet
while squeezing a stuffed animal.
Thank you, Tucker.
Well said.
[cheering]
Let's move on because, luckily, there
are people out there doing the hard work
of real investigative journalism,
people like Bruce Willingham.
He runs the McCurtain Gazette-News out of Middle
of Nowhere, Oklahoma.
Now, Bruce suspected that the local sheriff
and other officials were doing county
business after meetings ended.
So he secretly recorded them.
And when he played the tape back,
he heard them talking about him and his son,
who is also a reporter, and it was not flattering.
REPORTER: The recordings captured the group talking
about hiring hitmen to kill the reporters
and where the bodies could be hidden.
Ho-- holy shit.
You can't threaten to kill journalists
in a council meeting.
Keep that shit on Twitter like a normal person.
Although you can tell that some people
were a little more integral to this plot than others.
Because one guy was like, I know two hitmen.
And another guy is like, and I know two holes.
[laughter]
Yeah, thanks for the contribution, Larry.
We'll let if we need to use your connection
with the-- the holes.
And, by the way, how strapped for time
are people in this town that they
have to predig murder holes?
Are you so [bleep] busy that you can't do the hole
after you do the murder?
Or maybe it's like carrying an umbrella.
Like, the day you don't have the hole
is when you end up killing someone.
[laughter]
Now, look, it would be bad enough
if plotting to throw local journalists into holes, predug
or otherwise, was all that the county sheriff and his friends
were caught doing on these tapes.
But guess what-- they moved on to something else.
REPORTER: On that same audio recording,
the people talking shared their dismay
that lynching Black people is no longer acceptable.
[groaning]
Wow.
Someone tell these cops that they have
the right to remain silent.
And you could tell this thing was going to go badly as soon
as they said, back in the day.
No sentence in the South ever goes well after the phrase,
back in the day.
It's never like, back in the day,
we lived in a rich, multicultural tapestry.
[laughter]
What's crazy is these reporters weren't
even looking for racism and assassination plots.
They were hoping to catch improper meeting procedures.
It's like if you put a security camera up in the office
to see which employee was stealing your yogurts,
and you caught them doing a human sacrifice.
You'd be like, oh, my god, I've stumbled
upon the most unholy rituals--
oh, my god, they're eating my Chobani!
For more on this story, we go live to Oklahoma and Roy
Wood, Jr. Roy.
[cheering]
What's going on, man?
Roy, this-- this is an astounding scoop.
Shady sheriffs caught talking about murder, hitmen,
being racist, what a story.
Mm-hmm, and Thank you for sending me
exactly to where it happened.
Jordan--
[laughter]
--here's the thing.
If you put a recorder next to any sheriff--
any sheriff for just a few minutes,
you gonna hear some racism.
That's why I don't trust--
I don't trust none of these sheriffs.
I don't trust Andy Griffith.
I don't trust Woody from Toy Story.
And I damn sure don't trust none of them Paw Patrol dogs.
They shady.
Oh, come on.
Oh, are they all cops?
I don't know, but either way, I don't trust them.
And if I'm being honest, I'm kind of
surprised that this recording wasn't more racist.
Really?
I mean, they were saying it's too
bad they couldn't kill Black people like back in the day.
Yeah, back in the day.
So we canceling people for reminiscing now?
[bleep] can't take a walk down memory lane?
That's all they did.
Either way, they know they can't do it anymore.
That's why when they was on tape,
they were talking about killing white people.
That's progress.
That's what Martin Luther King was talking about.
No, no, it's not. No.
That's what Martin Luther King was talking about.
That's not what he was talking about.
I had a poster of his speech in my college dorm room, Roy.
And they're not just talking about killing
white people, Roy.
They're talking about killing white journalists.
We need to protect these lion-hearted,
ivory-skinned, Michigan-born reporters,
whoever they may be.
Klepper, stop being a bitch, man.
They are-- they are--
What you so scared of, man?
I'm not saying that they should kill white--
I'm not saying that they should kill white people.
I'm saying we can agree that it's better
than killing Black people.
No--
[laughter]
Roy, we cannot agree on that.
Oh, so you're saying it's better to kill Black people.
No, no. Roy, I'm not saying that.
- Well, that's what you said. - I'm not saying that, Roy.
That's just what you just said.
That's not what I'm doing.
Roy, I want them to kill us both equally, all right?
OK, OK.
These cops shouldn't be talking
about killing anybody anyway.
Yeah, but can you blame them?
Look at this small-ass, janky-ass building, man.
They work in this building every day.
If I had to spend my whole day in a space that small,
I'd be racist too.
Old tiny ass, no ventilation having ass place.
Look, man, if you're a white man,
and your life has led you to a job in this building,
you've got to blame somebody.
[laughter]
Might as well be us.
This-- this look like the third house
from the Three Little Pigs.
OK, Roy-- Roy, yeah.
OK, enough about the building.
Let's talk more about the audio recording.
Yeah, let's talk about the audio recording.
Let's talk about the audio recording
and how they weren't able to see a tape recorder
in this small-ass building.
JORDAN KLEPPER: OK.
The tape recorder probably took up half the room.
You know they felt the heat from the batteries.
They was probably in the room just looking over--
oh, I'm sorry.
What did you say about lynching?
I can't hear you over this tape recorder.
OK.
What do you think should happen to these officers, Roy?
I think what should happen to the officers is very
simple, Jordan.
They plotted a murder, which, last I checked, is a crime.
So for the good of society, we cannot entrust
these types of people with protecting
the citizens of Oklahoma.
They have to be locked up.
They have to be placed in solitary confinement.
Because then they'd have more breathing room
than they had in this damn tiny-ass building!
It's small, man.
You can't even fart in this bitch.
I'm sorry I asked.
Roy Wood, Jr., everybody.