Coming out doesn't happen all at once.
It is a process that starts with yourself.
your friends, your family,
and in my particular case, it meant coming out in my church community.
My name is Miwaza.
I live in Tokyo and I identify as queer.
[what does LGBTQIA+ stand for]
[how to come out to your parents]
[what is intersex]
Tokyo
Last year was probably one of the toughest periods of my life.
Some time ago, I confided in a friend from church that I was queer.
He was a childhood friend and he was very special to me,
so last year I couldn't help telling him that I had a new girlfriend,
as I needed to share news of my new love.
He told me that if I did not change my lifestyle,
that I would have to leave the church.
Then a few days later he outed me to other church friends.
It really hurt to be betrayed by such a close and trusted friend.
The church is currently not a safe and loving environment for me.
I was sad I had to leave because of my faith
is a big part of who I am.
[history of LGBTQ in Japan]
Being queer in Japan is easier in lots of ways.
It's rare to be harrassed on the street for being queer as such.
However, it's harder in a different sense as
most people have no real understanding of the LGBTQ community.
Japan is very much a heteronormative society.
Male, like men, should look like this,
women should look like this.
They're expected to act a certain way, do certain jobs. [How to meet other queer women in Tokyo]
I think this is one of many reasons why people tend to stay closeted here.
I felt lonely and isolated in my journey
coming to terms with my queerness.
I felt trapped,
I didn't feel accepted anywhere,
I grew incresingly depressed with nowhere to turn.
I was so full of despair,
that one day I decided to ignore a red light,
and biked out into traffic.
I got hit by a car from the side very badly.
I was desperate for the confusion,
and pain to end.
My girlfriend broke up with me the next day.
I was a mess physically and emotionally,
and had no choice but to tell my siblings what was going on.
I couldn't survive this fear on my own anymore.
I had to tell my parents,
I didn't want them to find out through the church.
My biggest fear was that my parents would disown me,
and I wasn't sure I could survive that.
When I told my eldest brother of six siblings, he said
"Miwaza, first of all, that's most unlikely to happen,
and if it does, you'll always have us."
This gave me the hope and confidence to tell my parents everything
In the end, my parents did not disown me after I told them.
I mean, it's still like we're on the journey
and my parents are
not accepting of my lifestyle,
but I also feel hopeful and optimistic
'cause I finally got to stand on the first, like the starting line.
At last I had found confidence in my chosen sexual identity
because I learned how to choose the path of love rather than fear.
In the past, I almost threw away my life
because of the guilt and blame I felt from the people around me.
Now, I surround myself with people who make me feel secure and loved.
I now realized the importance of having people
I can truly trust and rely on,
which is why from now on I will continue to choose the path of love.
Slowly but surely, I'm living my life outside the shadow of fear and doubt.
Finding answers.
Finding understanding.