- No, no, it's okay.
Don't worry.
I'm sure I can put on my sweater after I do my makeup.
"I'm sure", she says.
(horse trots and neighs)
What up, everyone.
It's your girl Superwoman.
And I'm not good at a lot of things.
Math.
Remembering things.
Safely removing a USB.
Paying parking tickets.
Math.
Remembering things.
But there is one thing I'm good at, and that's flirting.
Obviously.
I mean, can't you tell by all the boyfriends I have?
Look, look at all the boyfriends I have.
JK.
No, just kidding.
There's no boys in my life.
There's no boys.
My life is like the cast of Bridesmaids, okay?
It's just crazy single ladies, and then that one hoe
that thought it was okay to get married.
But either way, I do know the different types of flirting
so, here we go.
Number one: e-flirting.
Now this is the most common type of flirting
in today's day and age, because it happens
through social media.
Like, why go up to a person and speak to them
when you could just like their status?
Commenting on pictures, tweeting one another,
using emojis, that's real.
No one says, "You're beautiful" anymore.
It's just like, "Yo, 100."
What up, t-shirt reference sweater,
rolled up into a t-shirt, reference.
And most commonly, liking each other's Instagram pictures.
Somehow, liking someone's picture on Instagram
has become equivalent to walking up to them
at a social event and starting a conversation.
I have high hopes for our generation.
And although e-flirting is great because you can like,
do it in your pajamas, ooh-yah, you also gotta play it cool
because there is an equation that goes into this.
Number of likes divided by the number of minutes
between each like equals the number of strokes
I want to do to your bosom.
One like.
Okay like, whatever, that could've been a mistake.
Two likes.
Okay well, maybe he thinks I'm cute.
Three likes.
Oh my god, he's totally gonna break up
with his girlfriend for me.
Four likes.
I need to buy a new dress for our hypothetical date.
Five likes.
What will our children look like?
Six likes.
Okay, this guy's a creep.
Seven likes.
I'm calling the cops.
Eight likes.
I'm being attacked by Chucky!
This is not a drill!
You ever look at your phone and you're like,
"What is this new wallpaper I have?"
And it's actually just notifications from someone
liking all of your pictures and you're like,
super weirded out, but at the same time,
you like, screenshot it in case like, one day in the future
you don't feel pretty and then you look at that
'cause like, ssh, I'm the ish, yeah I have
a whole album for that.
Number two: touchy flirting.
Now this is when a person just uses any excuse
to touch you within a conversation.
Hey, how are you?
Touch your shoulder.
Oh my god, that's so funny.
Hitting your leg.
I'm so sorry.
Touching your hand.
But what they really mean is:
You're so hot.
We should probably be together.
Please notice how hot I look in these heels
because I'm literally losing a toe for you.
I shaved my legs just in case.
It's all about body language.
Now this is especially true when you're sitting.
Let me break it down for you,
the science of how a girl sits next to someone she likes.
Let's say you're in a movie theater, okay?
You know, it's you and a whole squad.
Okay, but you want to know if the chick
sitting next to you actually likes you,
so let me tell you what's up.
A girl never sits in a seat like this.
Okay, now, what the eff, is she Abraham Lincoln?
Nah, she always shifts her weight to one side.
You gotta pay attention to which side,
because if she shifts to your side okay,
you know what that means?
That means she want the booty, okay?
But if she's all up over there, on that armrest
and effing Narnia, okay, shifting to the other side,
mm-mm, she don't want no booty, okay?
No booty is to be had.
If she's shifting her weight to the other side,
you might as well just pull out your iPhone
and start playing Adele just like,
♫ Hello from the other side ♫
Body language, okay?
It's the most universal language,
after the McDonald's sign.
Number three: stupid flirting.
This is also a very common form of flirting,
and is most iconically recognized
from Mean Girls, when Lindsay Lohan asks
the cutie in front of her for some help with math,
because she pretends she sucks at math, yeah.
Most people that are great at flirting
pretend they suck at math.
So if you like someone, you start asking them
questions you already know the answer to or,
you agree with what they're saying,
even though you might disagree or,
they might just be plain wrong.
Yeah, okay, yeah, that's correct, yeah.
L-I-L-Y.
Yeah, yeah, one L's fine.
I mean, I mean, I actually spell it L-I-L-L-Y
with two L's, but I mean, to be honest,
it's kind of just like, personal preference, you know.
You just throw that L away.
As long as you give me the D.
JK, JK!
That was a bad joke.
Honestly, in real life, I'm actually really awkward
and like, asexual, so that, that joke, if anything,
was really just me dealing with societal pressures.
No like, for real, I can't even go bra shopping
without blushing, like, I can't.
Another form of this type of flirting is
over-doing all of your reactions and responses so,
laughing really loud to a joke,
or seeming really touched by just,
very basic, polite gestures.
Oh my god, oh my god, I'm sorry.
I just, I'm just really touched by how I sneezed,
and you said "Bless you", because it shows
you not only care about me, but about poverty
and the environment.
Number four, drunk texting.
I said "drunk texting".
I meant to say "flirting".
Well, am I drunk right now?
Number four: drunk flirting.
There we go, nailed it.
Now this is the most straightforward form of flirting,
because usually when you're drunk,
that little filter you have between your thoughts
and your mouth disappears.
Straight up.
Valencia is at the back of a milk carton,
missing because no filter.
You just get straight to the point.
Yo, yo, you wanna do me?
'Cause I wanna do you.
You're like, really cute.
No, stop, you're like, really cute
and I'm not even saying that because I'm drunk.
I'm saying it because I'm, I'm saying it
because I'm not even drunk.
No, I like you.
No, this is not the vodka talking, okay?
This is me.
With vodka inside of me.
So like, what's your deal?
If you're not gay, can we like, hook up?
And if you are gay, can you like, try new things?
No, I'm not drunk, okay.
I'm drunk in love with you, okay?
And with tequila.
You should work at Starbucks, okay?
You know why, you know why?
Because I like you a latte.
(snickers)
And to be honest, this is the best type of flirting,
because it's honest, and should things actually
pop off of that person, they've already seen you
at your worst, okay?
And they accept you for who you are.
A drunken mess.
And that's okay.
This got, this got real deep.
(laughs)
Number five: over kill.
Now, this is the type of flirting that just
straight up goes overboard, either because it's
so intense, or the person just flirts with
everything and everyone.
Oh, you're really gonna charge me for parking?
(giggles)
Oh yeah, I'll insert my ticket, all right.
Oh, what do you mean you want my credit card?
(giggles)
You're so funny.
Yo.
Yo Jessica, why you talking to the parking meter?
This is the person that will flirt with their date,
flirt with the waiter that is serving their date,
flirt with the valet guy,
flirt with the cop that pulls you over.
They will flirt with everyone, and play everyone.
They are literally the VLC media player of humans.
And they have no concept of the right time and place.
I'm really sorry about your grandfather, yeah.
Let me know if you want to go out anytime, okay?
Hey, why don't you give me a call
after your wife is done giving birth?
Stop it.
Yo, comment below and let me know
what type of flirt you are, and if you are a type of flirt
that I didn't mention, you need to comment below
and educate me, and everybody else here,
with your game, okay?
If you like this video, also give it a big thumbs up.
You can check out my last video right there.
It is called "When Your BFF Is In A Relationship".
You can also check out my vlogs right there.
My second channel has, first of all,
we hit a million subscribers, so
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
On that channel, also, we just completed
365 days of vlogs.
That's one year full of vlogs.
Really super exciting.
I'm gonna throw to a montage of that in a second.
Also, if you like my videos and like my channel,
make sure you subscribe to this channel,
'cause I make new videos every Monday and Thursday.
One love, Superwoman, that is a rap,
and cue the vlog montage.
And if you like it, go to that channel.
And zoop!
That plug, though.
Welcome to my daily vlog.
(yells)
I decided to do daily vlogs after my trip.
I'm hungry and I'm sleepy and I don't know what to do.
It's the last day on set,
(squeals)
(speaking overpowered by loud music)
On behalf of Humble and I though,
win or no win,
thank you so much for supporting that.
- Superwoman!
(crowd cheers)
- I'm literally overprepared for everything in life
except this moment, 'cause I really didn't think
I was gonna win.
Oh my god, they're waving at me.
They're waving at me.
- I love you!
- I am not mad about this right now.
So know, that like a month ago,
I made a promo and Photoshopped myself in front of this,
and now, here we are.
(squeals)
I know, this is the best ever.
Four million subscribers.
Bam!
(grunts)
We have five million subscribers!
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
(crowd screaming and cheering)
(squeals and laughs)
The Rock tweeted me!
Oh god, everybody shut up!
"I see you mama what people really mean is funny.
Look forward to meeting you."
I woke up wearing this shirt.
"You are my Rock, my Dwayne, my Johnson",
and I was like, what up t-shirt reference!
- I am, in fact, her Johnson.
I am her Dwayne, I am her Rock.
(screams in unison)