It's about 8:30 in the morning here in Saigon and I'm pretty nice guy.
I left the room because Brittany is sleeping and I didn't want to wake her up.
I'm going to call my brother right now who I haven't talked quite a bit since I've been
doing a lot of traveling.
I'm about to get on the phone with him right now to catch up.
I sit here this morning thinking about the nice guy and it makes me cringe.
The nice guy is a personality type or trait that I remember taking on years ago.
I'm 32 right now at making this video and I remember when I was in my high school and
college years, being that nice guy.
You might be asking, what do you mean by nice guy?
I believe the definition of the nice guy is a guy who acts nice in order for people to
like him.
That’s what a nice guy is doing and this happens a lot in dating.
A guy do anything and trying to be as nice as possible to get a girl to like him, to
become attracted to him so that he can form a relationship with her, but it goes even
deeper than that.
I think guys do this in all areas of their life.
They do it in their work, with friends, family and relationships.
It's a problem because you end up pushing away the true you, your real thoughts and
opinions.
You take on this other layer of your personality that prevents you from accessing the true
you.
You're putting on this layer of being sweet or nice just for you to get something.
I don't want to be too harsh on the nice guy.
I don't think it's purely manipulative, although it may anyways it is.
I also think it's a way of acting out of fear.
You're scared to get rejected, for people not to like you.
Whatever is going on in terms of your psychology, you got to make sure that everything and everyone
around you likes you and that’s positive.
If that doesn't happen, that is very painful for you, so you try to be the nice guy in
so many situations.
If you relate to this, comment down below.
I know there's a few of you out there and completely relating to this.
That was a lovely conversation.
Let's move on with the day.
The first thing that you have to understand is when it comes to being Mr. Nice Guy, women
are not attracted to that.
What do I mean by that?
Does that mean that you should be a jerk and they should be an asshole?
No, of course, women like a good guy.
We're talking about the nice guy syndrome, the guy who is very agreeable, doing anything
he can, trying to serve a woman in any way to get her to like him.
These are all a sign of weakness.
When you're acting like a nice guy, showing those qualities are exhibiting those behaviors.
That is exactly what turns a woman off.
Those are not masculine behaviors.
Masculine behavior is when a guy is sure of himself and he doesn't need to say things
to get a girl to like him.
He doesn't need to act in a false and incongruent way for a girl to say, “Oh, I like this
guy.”
Let me tell you right now, that's not how attraction works.
There's something interesting about Vietnamese culture here in Richmond city that I want
to share with you.
It’s a great analogy for what you can do to stop being the nice guy.
What you're going to see here is a lot of cars and a lot of people going.
They're not waiting for other people, they're making sure that they get to their destination
and they're doing it in the safest way possible.
They're not stopping every single second to make sure that they're doing every single
thing or exactly the right way.
Instead, they are going at the pace they need to get to where they want to be.
In some ways, you may be thinking this is very selfish behavior, but in some ways you
have to be selfish.
You have to be acting unapologetically and doing what you want, not just doing things
because other people are going to like you.
We’re having fun, we’re going to check out the pool here and doing another Uber Moto.
Hopefully, I've convinced you enough that the nice guy is not the way to be.
I'm going to give you some how to’s.
How do you avoid being the nice guy?
First of all, let me give you a little bit of homework that's going to help you do this.
For the next seven days, I don't want you to apologize for anything you're
about to do.
Don't say sorry, but of course if you've done someone wrong, that's a different story.
The nice guy, he apologizes for literally everything like apologizing for his existence
in this world.
If you have high self esteem, you should know that you deserve to be in this world.
For the next seven days, do not say sorry and if you agree with that, I want you to
put down in the comments below, “Sorry, not sorry”.
I want to see about 70 to 100 of these in the comments.
Everyday, I do a little workout even though I don't have a gym. Here we go.
All right. Let's keep going.
How else can you defeat the nice guy?
You got to remember that your opinions matter, the things that you have to say, think and
feel.
Do not be agreeable.
Do not just do things that you think other people are going to like, to get them to like
you.
It's going to be more polarizing and more people actually like you when you're able
to speak your mind and your opinion.
If you disagree, disagree.
If you like something and someone else doesn't like it, so be it.
That's the way the world works.
I want to make sure that you are not only doing things for other people, you're doing
things for you.
Remember, it is okay in some ways to be selfish and do things for you.
One thing that ends up happening is if you try to do things just to get people to like
you, if you're saying things to get a girl to like and you don't really believe or agree
with them, and it works, eventually you're going to regret it.
You might end up being with the girl and realizing that she's with the false version of you.
You know what happens to your self esteem when that happens?
It will completely blow up in your face, you're realizing she doesn't like you and she likes
the fabricated version of yourself.
What are your thoughts on the nice guy?
“I think I've had a lot of experience with guys who have been interested in me.
I immediately took the approach where they’re going to become my friend or get to know me.
Not that there's anything wrong with getting to know a girl, but when a guy is coming on
a little too strong or too friendly, it's a turnoff.
In those situations, I was just like, ”Yeah, sure! we can be friends”, but I never saw
them as more than that because I felt like there wasn’t any kind of a game.
As bad as that sounds, there was nothing mysterious. Nothing really attracted me to it.”
Don't forget to subscribe to the channel because I got more videos coming your way.
I'll see you on the next one.