My wife is so insecure. Hi, my name is Paul Friedman. I founded
The Marriage Foundation and let's talk about this because
there's a reason why you're saying that. Maybe she is jealous,
could be that that's what's indicating to you
that she's insecure or maybe she expresses it.
And I hate it when I hear psychologists talk about women as being
needy or jealous because it's such a subjective
judgmental thing to look at a person and label them in it.
And it's not a good communication because it doesn't really express
what's exactly going on and I don't like to approach marriage
problems which obviously this should be considered a marriage problem.
I don't like to consider marriage problems as marriage problems
that you have to deal with one at a time. It's not my thing.
My thing is very simple. If your marriage is really functioning
well then you're going to be happy
and the flaws that exist both in yourself and in your wife
are not important and not worthy of being
addressed. I mean it's true. Some people write to us
at The Marriage Foundation and you can too
if you'd like to and they go, "Oh,
my husband always walks in front of me and I say to him, 'why can't you slow down?'
And he gets mad at me," and it's like really?
It means that your marriage as a whole isn't really what you wanted
when you got married. So I'm going to ask you, what did you want when you got
married? And I'm going to tell you what you
should have wanted. You should have wanted two things. You
should have wanted to be happier than you've ever been in your
life and happier than yesterday
every single day. And in order to achieve that happiness and this is the key,
you should have been learning how to experience unconditional love.
I mean you could have anything in this world
but the one thing that matters is unconditional love, everything else you
can buy. You can't buy love which is ironic
because it's the one thing that we are absolutely equipped for is unconditional
love. We got it from our mothers in some
fashion or another and when we're looking to get married
that's what we're looking for subconsciously. There's two
parts of us. There's the biological part sort of an
animal part and then there's the soul part of us, and that soul part of us
is not like you have a soul. You are a soul
actually, you have a body and that soul needs to be fulfilled
just like the body needs to survive needs food,
shelter, protection against threats. The soul has a more deeply seated need
for love and it is love at the same time
and that's where marriage comes in. So if you really
learn how to work your marriage and how to bring those two things to the
fore and work on those two things.
Then your wife's insecurity will disappear
because she will feel protected which is sort of the biological need that she has
and why she married you. And the other part, the deeper part will
be fulfilled that part for love because that's what she needs
too. So it's easy to say, "Oh, my wife is needy, clingy, jealous, blah
blah blah blah. What do I do?" I'll tell you what you do.
You fulfill her. You ever hear the expression you put in
a light the darkness has to go. See this aspect of her as darkness
and your love and expressions of that love, and I don't mean, "Oh honey, don't
worry. I love you." That's nonsense but ongoing expressions
of love that lets her know in her language
that you love her. That's the light coming in and pushing out the darkness
and it's your responsibility. Those were the promises that you made
when you asked her to marry you. You told her you would love her that
there'd be no other, but is that really happening or
does your mind wander? Because you know women are very
intuitive, they pick up on this stuff. If you're not a hundred percent there
that'll make them insecure. So it's on you, I'm just being candid
with you being straightforward. It's on you and I
hear you know all of these complaints because we live
in a very politically charged world with the
women's rights and the women's demands and all of that but what I'm
talking about transcends all of that. Your wife
won't even care, won't even hear that stuff
if you're fulfilling her greatest need for love and protection. That's what it's
all about. So my blanket suggestion
is learn about marriage, read one of my books.
Now if your marriage is collapsing or if you really want to get into it,
get the course for men. But reading one of my books
unless your marriage is collapsing and it's heading towards divorce,
one of the books is plenty and it'll blow you away how much you
learn. You could listen to more of my videos.
Subscribe to the channel but it's not as succinct.
So like this video, let's move on. I'll let you get back to your day and
all of my stuff is based on solid universal principles so you can
trust it. Thank you for spending your time with me.
If you have deeper questions you'd like to ask, you could always write in to our
counselors. It's a free service from The Marriage Foundation other than
that blessings to you, blessings to your wife and blessings to
your family. Everything's going to be okay.
You just have to make the right effort. That's always the key
and then learning what the right effort is obviously,
is the other part of that key. Okay. God bless and take care!
Bye.