But let's move on to our main story,
the Hillary Clinton campaign.
Ever since she's clinched...
clinched the Democratic nomination,
she has slowly been building up steam.
Her previous rival has intimated that he's dropping out,
she's ahead of Trump in the polls,
and recently, she gained a powerful new ally.
U.S. senator, Elizabeth Warren,
has made her debut on the campaign trail
with the presumptive Democratic nominee, Hillary Clinton.
NEWSWOMAN:
joining forces today for the first time in the campaign.
Hillary Clinton
because she knows what it takes to beat a thin-skinned bully
who is driven by greed and hate.
Oh... yeah.
(laughter)
That's Elizabeth Warren's badass fighting style.
Float like a butterfly, sting like the librarian
who just shut up your friends in the library.
(laughter)
But getting Elizabeth Warren to campaign with Hillary
is actually a really big deal.
First of all, Elizabeth Warren is one of the leading voices
in the fine art of trolling Donald Trump.
And
top progressive icons today.
It's basically Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren
and Flo.
-That's it. -(laughter)
Now, that's progressive.
So Clinton's main challenge is to unify the country,
and this new alliance with Warren is a really good sign
she might be able to do it, because until recently,
they hated each other.
Elizabeth Warren has ripped Hillary Clinton in the past.
-Yes. -You know, in her book about bankruptcy.
I mean, there is real... some real poisonous history there.
...the credit card companies.
She has taken money from the groups,
and more to the point,
she worries about them as a constituency.
Yeah, but... she only said those things
because she was hungry.
People say crazy things when they're hungry.
Once I asked my wife for a divorce when I was hungry.
Yeah. And I'm not even married.
You see how crazy hunger makes you?
You know what, though, this is... this is genuinely
what I love about politics in America.
People can spend years (bleep) on each other,
and then when it suits their needs,
(British accent): I'll flip your flopper.
I believe, uh, this is what political scientists refer to
as Reverse Taylor Swifting.
Yes, you see, they
-but now they have mad love. -(laughter)
But, uh, let's take a second here to comment
on what a historic moment this is.
For the first time in American history,
the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee
is a woman, people...
and
by another qualified, powerful woman.
-(cheering, applause) -I am sure... I am sure...
that the news recognized this.
Hillary Clinton being joined by Senator Elizabeth Warren.
Did you see the matching pantsuits?
Did they select their outfits together?
Well, the good thing is that
they're actually selling those painting smocks
on the Clinton Web site and signing them.
You know that the Blues Brothers were, uh, John Belushi
and, uh, Dan Aykroyd.
The Blues Sisters-- there they are right there.
Not only did they have the matching suits,
they had the matching hair.
To see Hillary and Elizabeth Warren
in matching shocking blue pantsuits,
shrieking at the audience...
Yeah, and, I mean, to see all of us "news pundits"
focusing on tabloid-level wardrobe minutiae
with these female politicians
in a way we never do with their male counterparts,
who are always wearing the exact matching outfits
-(cheering, applause) -is equally shocking.
(imitates gagging)
I'm easily shocked.
So... it's the beginning of a Clinton-Warren friendship,
but with all the beginnings must come some endings.
And it looks like Hillary may have finally reached
the ending of her Benghazi.
You know Benghazi? The terror attack in Libya
that inspired thousands of pages of reports,
multiple attack ads, and even a Michael Bay movie.
The point is, Republicans have been desperate
to find any evidence to blame Hillary Clinton for Benghazi,
but after multiple investigations,
they couldn't prove it, so they launched
one final, special, super-select investigation...
and it was run by this dude--
South Carolina congressman, Trey Gowdy.
He came in and made it all personal.
He made it his personal quest
to find out everything that happened in Benghazi,
no matter how damning it was to Hillary.
We're gonna follow the facts wherever they go,
and-and if that impacts people's perception
of her fitness to be commander in chief, so be it.
(impersonating Gowdy): So be it!
(exclaims)
That's right.
Trey Gowdy was determined to get to the truth
about Hillary and Benghazi. Yeah, it was gonna be
his happiest day since he was a penis
that wished on a magic condom to become a real boy.
So, yesterday,
after two years of the investigation,
he finally issued the final report.
After a two-year, $7 million investigation,
the authors of the report make no new accusations
and provide no new evidence of wrongdoing
against the former secretary of state Hillary Clinton.
Of course you found nothing!
This was the ninth official investigation.
You don't discover new things the ninth time.
If it hasn't changed in the first eight,
what makes you think it's gonna change in the ninth?
It's not like in the ninth
is suddenly gonna go, "You want to play a game?
"Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos.
It's new, it's the ninth time."
So now Trey Gowdy has spent two years
with nothing to show for it. Nothing to show for it,
except multicl... multiple follicle crimes
that he calls haircuts. What the hell is this?
Look at this guy. The dude looks like
a Michael Douglas movie that's been squeezed
to fit on your screen, that's what that looks like.
And look, that's not a partisan thing.
It is widely understood that there's nothing here
that changes anything, no matter what
Trey Gowdy keeps saying about new information.
I actually trust you to read the report.
You read the report.
Well, I'm asking you to read it.
I'm actually proud of what we found
and I think it's new.
To the Democrats' claim there's no new information,
I haven't heard much about this White House meeting.
I'm gonna tell you there's new information.
I've got information, man.
New (bleep) has come to light.
A-And, (bleep), man...
B-By the way, just by the way, real quick,
the report he's speaking about is 800 pages. Yeah.
You can't just tell people to read 800 pages.
You know when you say that, no one's actually gonna
go out and read the 800 pages.
I wouldn't even read 800 emojis.
That is not something you could say.
Look, look, here's my point.
I understand Republicans hate Hillary.
But at some point you have to admit
that this isn't where you're going to get her.
All you've done is waste seven million dollars
of taxpayer money and your own credibility
on a personal grudge. Yeah.
Could Benghazi have been handled better? Yes.
Could the state department do better
protecting its ambassadors in the future? Yes.
But you're not getting anywhere going after Clinton.
So, Trey Gowdy and company,
you've done the proper amount of investigating and then some,
and still, you've come up with nothing new.
So, fair warning, my friends-- if you're not careful,
and you continue on this path, it's only a matter of time
before you fine yourselves
holding your next hearing on PornHub.