- One of the most important things
when you're wanting to attract a relationship
is to make sure that you're not wasting time
with the wrong person.
Wasting time with the wrong guy
who's not going to invest in you,
who's not serious about you.
And relationships are interesting,
because sometimes when we meet somebody,
like the spark is there, it's super intense,
and both people invest fully, they pour themselves in fully.
And other times relationships
have a bit more of a slow burn.
For example, it's like an acorn, right?
You plant that little acorn, it has the potentiality
of an oak tree, but it takes time, it takes development.
That little acorn will become a little seedling
and then that little seedling grows
and then ultimately becomes the oak tree,
but it doesn't look like the oak tree along the journey.
And sometimes relationships are like that
where our level of interest is small at first,
but it begins to grow, our level of emotional connection,
our level of commitment, our level of investment
grows and grows and grows
until it becomes this beautiful oak tree of a relationship.
And the challenging thing is you don't know sometimes
whether you're in that slow grow
of the oak tree relationship
or whether you're just with a guy
who's not serious about you.
And so I wanna share with you seven signs
that the guy you're with is not serious about you.
So you can differentiate between something
that really does have potential
of becoming something beautiful
versus something that's just wasting your time.
Now, one thing you wanna keep in mind
is any one of these signs might not be enough
to just determine, no he's not serious about you,
but what you're looking for is a combination of these signs,
'cause the combination of these is gonna be strong evidence
that he may not be at the level of commitment
or the level of investment that you're really looking for
to take something long term.
Now, the first sign that you're looking for
about his level of investment
and whether or not he's serious about you
is the amount of time he takes responding to your texts,
the amount of time he takes calling you back.
That response time is key, because as human beings,
we all prioritize what matters most to us.
So the guy who's not really invested,
the guy who's not that interested, is gonna be real casual,
real lax with his response time.
He can let a week go by, he can let days go by
before responding and that indicates the level of priority
that he's placing on that interaction.
It also is indicating the level of interest
and urgency with which he wants to hear from you.
So in other words, if he's taken a day or two
to get back to you, he doesn't care
whether you text him back right away.
And this is an aha insight.
He doesn't care whether you hit him back.
If you take a day or two to respond back to him,
that's the tempo and the timing that he's on.
And so as you're interacting with a guy,
you wanna make sure you match the tempo,
match the level of investment, and let that level
of timing and investment be a good indicator
of what his level of interest is.
And keep in mind, a guy who starts out slow
might actually pick up pace, that might actually grow
into something where he's more invested.
So when I was first dating my wife, we met,
we were long distance, I was undecided
about how much I wanted to pursue that,
I really didn't want a long distance relationship
but she was awesome.
I was super interested in her.
And so we started texting, talking on the phone.
Casually, days would go by, it'd be like once a week.
But as I got to know her
and as I got more excited about her,
I got more invested in her,
the frequency picked up, it started to progress.
You could see this thing growing.
So what you want to keep in mind
is is the connection, the tempo, the pacing,
the frequency, all of that, is it growing,
is it increasing, is it developing into something?
The second sign you wanna look out for
is he only interested in meeting up
if sex is involved, right?
Like the main thing that he's interested in
is a sexual, physical connection.
Now, of course, that's completely okay
if that's what he wants, if that's what you want,
and you guys are on the same page,
there's nothing wrong with that
if that's the shared intention you both have.
But if you want more than that
and you notice that really he gets hot and heavy with you,
he like pours interest, compliments,
he pours attention on you,
you guys get together, you sleep together,
and then he pulls back
and you notice like he doesn't text you right away
and like he kind of goes dark for a while,
just kind of bread crumbing you.
And then after a week or so, or more than that,
he starts to come on strong again
and shower with you with compliments and attention.
You get back together, you sleep together,
and then it goes back to not a lot of attention,
not a lot of frequency.
That is a vicious cycle.
Really what that shows is that he's just interested
in the sexual interaction and nothing more.
The third sign the guy's not that serious about you
is he's not giving you prime time in his calendar.
In other words, he'll plan a date
for Tuesday night instead of Saturday night or Friday night.
He'll plan a date for like Wednesday afternoon,
late afternoon, instead of like Sunday brunch time, right?
Like prime time.
We reserve the prime time, our prime time off,
for things that we love doing the most,
for people that we love hanging out with the most.
And so if you notice that those windows of time
are being reserved for other things
and he's really just squeezing you
into the Monday through Thursday window,
and those are his work days, right?
Then you notice, okay, he's not prioritizing us
in our connection to the level
that it's the most important interactions he's having.
And that's okay,
doesn't mean that it might not grow into that,
it just shows you that at this point in time,
he's not that serious,
because here's what a guy who's really into you is gonna do,
here's what a guy who's serious about you is gonna do,
is he will literally block off his calendar.
His friends will be like,
"Hey man, you wanna go hang out on Saturday?
Let's go golfing."
And he's like, "Whoa, I might be there,
but I'm waiting to hear back from this girl,
this woman, to see if she's gonna go out with me."
He was like, "Hey man,
you wanna go surfing on Sunday morning?"
"Whoa, whoa.
Yeah, I might be there, but I'm waiting to hear back
if I'm gonna go to brunch with this woman."
Like that guy, he's literally holding it for you,
waiting for you to confirm.
That's the guy who's super into you,
that's the guy who's super serious about you.
The fourth sign that shows he's not that serious
is if he dangles commitment,
dangles like this next step out there,
but never actually follows through.
So this is the guy that says,
"You know, I'm gonna move to your town
when X, Y, and Z happens."
Or the guy who says,
"I'm gonna be able to spend way more time with you
when I'm done with this project at work."
Or the guy who says,
"I'm gonna be able to invest way more with you.
Like, we're gonna go on this trip together
when these other things happen."
And that never comes.
And there's always something that puts it off,
that always something that pushes it further out
into the future.
But he's dangling this carrot.
His words are great, he's pouring love into you,
he's telling you he's committed,
he's telling you he's got that roots of commitment,
but he's not showing it,
because if he were actually showing it,
then he would be arriving on your doorstep,
he would be moving to your town,
he would be taking you out on these times
with his frequency, right?
So what you wanna do is look at his actions
way more than his words.
I call this giving him the silent movie test.
Silent movie test is where,
remember the old school silent movies
where it was just music, but nobody said anything,
it was just all subtext and titles?
But you got to see everybody running around,
because men do ultimately what they want to do deep down.
And so if they're hungry, they're in the kitchen,
if they're tired, they're sleeping in their bed, right?
If they want to play, they're off playing.
They want to be with you, they're with you.
I remember as I was courting my wife and we were dating,
like my heart was just full of love.
I was like, "How can I make this special?
I know we're not living even in the same town,
but how can I make this special?"
And so Valentine's Day came around
and I wanted to be with her and I wanted to be a surprise.
So I cleared that day on my calendar.
Actually, the next two days.
I bought a ticket, I flew down to Southern California,
I surprised her, the doorbell rang, her dad opened the door,
I was there all dressed up,
ready to take her out for a great dinner.
And I told her that
we're gonna do a date night long distance,
that we're gonna watch a movie together with popcorn.
I asked her to get all dressed up
as if we're actually going out,
do your hair, makeup, the whole thing.
And she was like, "Okay."
And I said, "I'm gonna do the same thing."
So when the doorbell rang,
if she had actually leaned into that,
she would've been ready to go for dinner.
Doorbell rang her dad walks me into the back bedroom
where she's ready for this date night
with me virtually watching movies.
And I'm praying that she actually got ready, right?
'Cause that would be an awkward moment.
And we're gonna go to dinner and she's not all dressed up.
And I open the door and there she is, man, fully.
She's sitting on her bed and she's full got a dress on,
makeup done, hair done to the...
Like, she looks amazing.
And I was like, "Man, this is a woman who's meeting me
right at this level of interest."
You want a man who's gonna meet you
at your level of interest.
And she turns and she looks at me and her jaw drops.
She did not expect me to be in this house.
And she burst into tears.
Like she's like, (cries)
Like she was so moved that she burst into tears.
And I'm like, "No, don't cry.
We're here for a good time."
And I gave her a hug and she like fixed her makeup
and we went out and had an amazing Valentine's Day.
But what creates that?
What creates that is a level of commitment
to pursue this relationship,
a level of commitment to create something special.
The guy who's really into you,
he's not gonna be dangling some carrot to say,
"One day, one day this is gonna happen,"
and it never happens.
Ultimately, I moved to be with her, because I was invested,
I was committed in exploring the relationship.
I didn't know if I was gonna marry her,
but I knew I wanted to find out
and I wanted to give it a real shot.
So the guy that's into you
is gonna be invested enough to give a real shot.
And what that looks like
is those things that he's talking about,
he actually follows through on.
Now the fifth sign that he's not that committed,
and this one is fabulous, because it's like everywhere,
is that he downplays important moments,
because he's playing Mr. Cool, right?
He is like, "I'm Mr. Cool. I'm not really Mr. Romantic.
I don't really do that stuff.
I don't really like, you know,
make a big deal outta birthdays.
I don't make a big deal out of Valentine's Day,
I don't give people cards, I don't give people gifts."
Like whatever archetype he's identified himself with
is like this Mr. Cool, "I'm not romantic.
I don't really wear my heart on my sleeve."
And so the important moments to you,
like the birthdays or something special happening at work,
something where he would celebrate you, you know,
the two of your anniversary, things like that,
he doesn't really celebrate,
he doesn't make a big deal out of them, he forgets them.
That guy, his level of commitment is revealed in that way.
Now I'm probably gonna get some pushback
from guys on here saying,
"Well, I'm just not good at remembering things like that.
And, you know, like, I just don't remember anniversaries."
Let me tell you dude, you remember what matters to you.
You remember all the things that are super important to you.
So this is like that wake up call
that says results never lie.
Whatever is most important to us, we're gonna prioritize.
So here's what's fascinating.
I've seen so many guys be with one woman
and is like, "I don't really wear my heart on my sleeve,"
and this and this and that.
And then they get with the woman
that they're actually gonna marry. (chuckles)
They get with the woman that they really want
and then all of a sudden, they're doing things
they've never done before, right?
They're buying 'em flowers,
they're taking 'em on romantic getaways,
like they're writing poetry, because that woman
has awoken something in them that says, "Oh wow.
Like I feel different than I've ever felt before."
So if your man is playing Mr. Cool, know this,
there is a man for you who is going to rise up, step up,
and bring the noise, bring the energy, bring the heat
when it comes to celebrating important moments.
Why?
Not because that moment matters to him,
but because you matter to him
and that moment matters to you.
That's why he's willing to invest,
that's why he's willing to to celebrate,
that's why he's willing to get outside of his comfort zone,
because he's invested and he's committed.
And the sixth sign that he's not that committed
is that he's only around when it's convenient, right?
It's only around when it's gonna be something fun.
Like the two of you have got a date night.
"Great, this is fun."
The two of you have got gonna hook up.
Great, that's a whole lot of fun.
The two of you are gonna go on vacation together.
That's a whole lot of fun.
Moving day?
You need help moving all your stuff out of your house?
And all of a sudden, like he's got work,
he's got other things to do, you know,
he's got commitment somewhere else,
and unfortunately he can't be there.
The two of you are in an argument
and there's some rift or some friction and whoop,
he just pulls away and he's just trying to wait
for that storm to calm until you can just kind of push it
into the past or brush it under the carpet.
But he's not willing to like stand
in the heat with you to solve it.
That's the guy who's committed
is the guy who's gonna show up when it's not convenient.
He's gonna show up to the family function that is no fun,
that is all bunch of people he doesn't know,
he doesn't want to be there,
but he's gonna make the effort to get to know your family,
because you love them and he loves you.
Or it's moving day and he's gonna show up and help you move.
Or it's that fight that you guys have had
and he's gonna be the first one to reach out and say,
"Hey, let's talk and let's resolve this.
Let's figure this out."
And the seventh sign
that he's not that serious about this relationship
is he is extremely uncomfortable
talking about his feelings, right?
Like he's Mr. Squirmy and like Mr. Change-The-Subject
and Mr. Like-Do-We-Have-To-Talk-About-This?
And like he's really uncomfortable.
Now, as I said at the very beginning of this video,
any one of these signs isn't enough to say,
"Well, that alone means he's not serious."
But when you're looking at a combination of these,
this is a good indicator that his level of commitment
isn't probably where yours is
or isn't enough to really let this thing foster and grow.
Because many of us
aren't trained to talk about our feelings.
You might not be trained to talk about your feelings
and really understand exactly
how you feel and where you are.
A lot of guys aren't trained on how to do that,
don't have a lot of experience with that,
and so it's gonna be uncomfortable.
But the question is whether or not he engages,
whether or not he tries, whether or not he goes there,
because we're willing to be uncomfortable
for a relationship that matters to us.
The relationship that's casual, it's like,
"Oh, that's too much pain for the payoff."
We don't want to go through that,
we don't want to invest in that.
And so the guy who's willing to stand in that fire with you,
talk about his feelings, understand where he is.
I mean, the second point to this
is the more interested he is,
the more clear he is about how he feels and what he wants.
So all of this leads to this central idea
that the faster you can identify a relationship
that's going nowhere and clear it out of the way,
the faster you can make room for the right guy in your life
and create something magical and amazing and special.
So my question for you is
as you've gone through relationships,
what are the primary indicators that let you know
that the guy that you're seeing
or talking to isn't that serious
and it's time to let him go?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)