A LOT GOING ON IN THE NEWS.
LET'S JUMP RIGHT INTO IT.
THERE IS EVEN MORE FALLOUT FROM THE SPECIAL COUNSEL'S RUSSIA
REPORT.
LAST NIGHT IT WAS REVEALED THAT ROBERT MUELLER SENT A LETTER TO
DONALD TRUMP'S ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM BARR CRITICIZING BARR
HE'S SUMMARY OF THE REPORT AS BEING OVERLY FAVORABLE TO TRUMP.
IT IS ALMOST LIKE THE GUY TRUMP SPECIFICALLY HIRED WAS BIASED
SHOW.
(LAUGHTER) WHAT?
MUELLER'S LETTER SAID BARR HE'S SUMMARY CREATED QUOTE PUBLIC
CONFUSION ABOUT ASPECTS OF THE RESULTS OF OUR INVESTIGATION TO
WHICH BARR SAID YEAH, EXACTLY, YEAH.
(LAUGHTER) THE SPECIAL COUNSEL ALSO SAID
THAT BARR'S FOUR PAGE SUMMARY DID NOT CAPTURE THE CONTEXT OF
THE FULL MUELLER REPORT.
THIS IS LIKE THE PRESIDENTIAL EQUIVALENT OF THE BOOK WAS WAY
BETTER THAN THE MOVIE.
YOU KNOW?
PEOPLE WERE SO UPSET ABOUT ALL OF THIS THAT THE HASHTAG IMPEACH
BARR WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER LAST NIGHT IT WAS EVERYWHERE.
TWITTER HASN'T GONE AFTER A BARR LIKE THIS SINCE ROSANNE.
(LAUGHTER) BUT IF BARR WERE EVER IMPEACHED,
IF BARR WERE EVER IMPEACHED HE COULD ALWAYS GO BACK TO HIS OLD
JOB, BEING THE FATHER HARRY POTTER NEVER WANTED.
(LAUGHTER) AND THEN TODAY TO CONFUSE
MATTERS EVEN MORE ATTORNEY GENERAL BARR TESTIFIED IN FRONT
OF A SENATE COMMITTEE AND SAID THAT HE HAD A PHONE CALL WITH
ROBERT MUELLER WHERE MUELLER DESCRIBED BARR'S SUMMARY AS NOT
INACCURATE.
HE CLAIMS MUELLER SAID IT WAS NOT INACCURATE.
I MEAN THIS IS TURNING INTO A REAL HE SAID, HE SAID, HE SAID,
HE SAID-- WHAT I AM SAYING IS THERE IS NOT A LOT OF WOMEN IN
THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION.
(LAUGHTER) THE ATTORNEY GENERAL TESTIFIED
UNDER OATH, SO IF HE IS LYING, HE WOULD HAVE TO ANSWER TO THE
HIGHEST LAW ENFORCEMENT IN THE LAND WHICH IS THE ATTORNEY
GENERAL-- I SEE HOW THIS WORKS.
I GET IT.
SO IN SUMMARY, THE SUMMARY ISN'T ACCURATE BUT IT IS ALSO NOT
INACCURATE SO REALLY IT ISN'T NOT NOT ACCURATE WHILE BEING
INACCURATE.
I MEAN NOT, NOT-- YOU KNOW, I AM GOING TO MOVE BACK TO ENGLAND.
I'M'S GOING TO-- BUT THINGS GOT REALLY WEIRD AT ANOTHER POINT
DURING THE HEARING, REPUBLICAN SENATOR LYNDE GRAHAM READ SOME
TEXT MESSAGES AND ENDED UP DROPPING AN F BOMB ON LIVE TV.
HAVE A LOOK.
>> TRUMP IS A [BLEEP] IDIOT, AND CAN'T PROVIDE A COHERENT ANSWER,
SORRY TO THE KIDS OUT THERE.
>> James: IT IS SO FRESH REFRESHING TO FINALLY HEAR A
POLITICIAN TELL THE TRUTH, ISN'T IT?
LINDSEY GRAHAM ENDED HIS COMMENT WITH SORRY TO THE KIDS OUT
THERE, WHICH WAS IMPORTANT BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW KIDS JUST
CAN'T KEEP THEIR EYES OFF SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE HEARINGS.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN MY EIGHT YEAR OLD SON THIS MORNING.
HE WAS LIKE DAD, I'M GOING TO EAT THESE CHEERIOS BUT LET ME
SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT.
MOVING ON IN OTHER NEWS, FACEBOOK JUST MADE A BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT.
THEY REROLLING OUT A NEW DATING FEATURE IN THE UNITED STATES
CALLED SECRET CRUSH THAT LETS YOU EXPRESS A ROMANTIC INTEREST
IN YOUR FACEBOOK CONNECTION.
FINALLY SOMETHING CREEPIER ON FACEBOOK THAN THAT COUSIN WE ALL
HAVE WHO IS WAY TOO INTO DISNEY, YOU KNOW?
(LAUGHTER) ADAM, ARE YOU AT DISNEYLAND
AGAIN, WHAT?
WHY?
YOU ARE 55.
AND FINALLY, HERE THE STORY FROM MY HOMELAND, SCIENTISTS IN
SUFFOLK, ENGLAND WERE RECENTLY TESTING FRESH WATER SHRIMP FOR
CHEMICALS AND THEY MADE A SHOCKING DISCOVERY.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE SHRIMP TESTED POSITIVE FOR COCAINE.
YEAH.
A SHRIMP IS NOT THE ANIMAL I WOULD EXPECT TO TEST POSITIVE
FOR COCAINE.
A HAMSTER MAYBE, A WOODPECKER, DEFINITELY.
A SHRIMP, I DON'T SEE IT.
I DON'T-- IT IS SURPRISING.
SHRIMP USUALLY JUST STICK TO COCKTAILS.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
YOU KNOW WHAT, NOW I THINK ABOUT IT, RIGHT, WE'RE ALL SHOCKED
ABOUT THIS, BUT THE SIGNS THAT SHRIMPS WERE ON COULD CANE,
THEY'VE BEEN COCAINE, IT THEY HAVE BEEN THERE ALL ALONG.
IF YOU JUST WATCH THEM CLOSELY ENOUGH, SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT.
(APPLAUSE) I KNEW IT.