Even though I've made a career of standing in front
of screens and flailing my arms,
I have a secret to tell all of you.
I hate technology.
Every new gizmo and gadget claims to be
highly useful and easy to use.
But if that were true, then why are
we so frustrated by technology all the goddamn time?
I decided to sit down with Marques Brownlee, aka, MCBHD,
who's been heralded as the greatest tech
reviewer on planet Earth, bringing
us endless videos of the newest high tech piece of shit.
But could he convince me to join his techno mania cult?
Marques, you are like the Kim Kardashian of technology.
What you say moves product, and you do have a lot of junk
in your trunk to review.
Has that been said, or are you just?
That's a metaphor, yeah, I'm proposing that.
I like that.
You have dedicated your life to reviewing technology.
Why?
There is a quote you've probably heard.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
If you have a certain expectation
and the tech actually gives you that output you expect,
like that working, I love that.
And when it doesn't work, what does it feel like?
Incredibly frustrating.
Yeah, to me, it feels like an abomination to society.
- It's rough. - Yeah.
Here's my problem.
My brain is melting right now, because I
have to juggle 100 apps just to communicate with eight people.
Mm-hmm.
When I was in college, there were three
ways to get a hold of me.
Call me if you're confident, text me if you're shy,
email me if you're smart.
Now, it's 100 apps.
iMessage, friends, Android, annoying friends, Signal,
pretentious college friends, WhatsApp, annoying family
members, Instagram DMs, horny randos, Twitter DMs,
angry political randos, Evite, psychos, paperless post,
liberal psychos.
That's just messaging, Marques.
Yeah.
So you do have the option to not try any
of the things you don't want.
Until I go to a restaurant, you go, hey, can I get a menu?
Yeah.
And they go, oh yeah, just scan the QR code.
I go, no, no, no, I went to this restaurant
to avoid being on my phone.
And then they're like, oh, you have to also
pay through your phone.
In order to do that, you have to create
a username and password.
- Oh, OK, so-- - Do you see what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just made this, I'll have the tuna melt,
six steps harder.
There's a Goldilocks zone of like going
a little bit into tech and seeing real benefit
before going too far.
But we got to try a whole bunch of bad ideas
before we find one or two cool things Hasan might like.
Marques wanted to prove to me that tech could be useful
and user-friendly by doing what he's known
for, a product demo.
Secretly, I suspected it would turn into an episode of,
"This Shit Doesn't Work."
These new tech-enhanced products
were a smart toothbrush, smart hover
shoes, and a smart printer.
And of course, all of these were supposed to be
as easy as one, two, three.
All right, let's see.
Lean slightly forward to move forward,
slightly backward to go backwards,
and step off to get off.
OK.
Smart toothbrush.
It's got a ton of sensors and it
might be able to shed some light on something
you can do better. - All right.
Let's see how easy it is. - Sure.
Look at that.
Sticker reminding you how easy it is.
Can I plug it in right here?
Yeah.
All right?
All right, this is it? - Yeah.
All right, back to the future.
I can't believe there's no straps.
Says, twist me.
Yeah.
Ah.
What happens when you open it?
Somewhere around, there we go.
There's a tab.
Because the sticker says effortless.
Well, wait, wait.
Why is it going?
Why is it possessed?
Shoot, shoot.
I connect this to app, right?
App Store app.
The problem is, I just don't want my dentist to have
even more info about me. - Why not?
Because I haven't been brushing
the fool happy birthday.
Oh, sorry, it says do not turn the power
of until the initialization is complete.
This takes about six minutes.
We're just going to sit here for six minutes.
Where do I apply?
So if I apply, yeah.
So we have to make an account.
[knocking]
We do have to type a Wi-Fi password.
There's your keyboard.
So you got to type, by the way, there's capitals.
Marques!
I have to switch between uppercase and lowercase?
And then down.
You know relationships end because of stuff like that.
I'll set up my own account.
You're going to use your fold government name?
Yeah, I'm going to do exactly what it asks me to.
I cook by the book, man.
Idiot.
I give it a password.
And then you just straighten your feet?
How do you feel?
I feel like a baby giraffe.
Oh, I have to [inaudible].
Yeah, you want a password again?
Yeah, can you send it to me?
Unable to register user.
Please try.
This is what I'm saying! Try again.
What does it say now? - Doesn't work.
You know what, man? [bleep] this.
How do I get off?
Uh.
It's not your thing, it's my thing, bro.
Oh, you don't.
Please try one more time, third time.
It doesn't work. Login failed.
Login failed!
And we're.
What is it printing?
Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, let's have our final product,
shall we?
I mean.
This shit doesn't work!
It doesn't work!
It didn't work.
I felt like I had just proved to Marques
that his entire life was a lie.
But he had a slightly different perspective.
The goal of tech is really to just work every time
and be as easy as possible.
Yeah.
So I would just say to have patience
with the things that don't work yet,
because maybe they will soon.
But printers are just [inaudible]..
Printers are doomed.
So maybe the way to fix shitty modern technology
is by becoming more patient and understanding users.
[screaming]
Why can you work?
Here's an app.
[whirring]
Open can.
Close, you can!
Close!
The shit doesn't work!
[growling]