[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> HEY HEY.
ALRIGHT.
GOOD TO BE HERE.
FLEW IN FROM NEW YORK.
STAYING RIGHT IN THE HEART OF WEST HOLLYWOOD.
GREAT NEIGHBORHOOD.
THE GAY PRIDE GOES RIGHT BY MY HOUSE EVERY DAY.
I LIKE A GAY AREA.
YOU KNOW WHAT IS NICE ABOUT BEING GAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WONDER EVERY OTHER DAY IF YOU'RE GAY.
[LAUGHING] >> I LIKE DUDES, I'M GOING TO
WORK.
YOU CAN JUST ENJOY A POOL PARTY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE CONFUSED.
I LOOK AT GAY MEN LIKE MARIJUANA.
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER IT WAS NOT FOR ME.
NOW IT'S ACCEPTABLE.
YA I'LL DABBLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> YA.
I DON'T KNOW I'M A WEIRD GUY.
OUTSIDE OF THIS I DON'T LIKE ATTENTION.
I NEVER ORDER FAJITAS.
TOO MUCH, YOU KNOW.
JUST TRYING TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
SOME GUY COMES IN.
CAN'T YOU JUST FINISH COOKING THAT BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE
KITCHEN.
MAN, ORDERING FAJITAS ALIKE A FRIEND THAT VAPE TAOZ MUCH.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, BUT IT'S EMBARRASSING.
YA, THEY SHOULD HAVE A WAY FOR GUYS LIKE IN TO ORDER THEM.
I WILL TAKE THE CHICKEN FAJITAS INTROVERT STYLE.
YOU GUYS I'M A LITTLE HUNGOVER I WON'T LIE TO YOU.
I HAVE TO CUT BACK ON THE DRINKING.
SAD I HAVE LOST FRIENDS TO SOBRIETY.
YA, ALCOHOL IS THE ONLY VICE WHEN SOMEONE QUITS YOU GET
ANNOYED.
YOU KNOW, YOUR FRIEND IS LIKE I WILL QUIT DOING CRACK.
YOU'RE NEVER LIKE, WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I FEEL LIKE IF I'M ADDICTED TO ANY DRUG MY DRUG OF CHOICE IS
BEING LATE.
I KNOW YOU CAN'T SMOKE IT OR SNORT IT.
IT'S LIKE A DRUG.
YOU HAVE TO BE AT WORK AT 9:00.
YOU HAVE TO BE AT WORK AT 9:30 YOU'RE UP.
HOLY HELL YOU LOOK LIKE A DRUG ADDICT.
YOU GET TO WORK IT'S LIKE YOU'RE COKED UP.
I'M SO SORRY.
I HATE MYSELF.
I'M GAY.
I LOVE YOU.
SO, SAD.
YA, I HAVE LOST JOBS, RELATIONSHIPS, FRIENDS HATE ME
NOW.
I DON'T KNOW EVERY TIME I'M LATE IT'S LIKE A DRUG.
I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
I FEEL LIKE HELL.
I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON.
A WEEK LATER, I'M LATE ALL OVER.
I'VE OFF THE WAGON.
IT'S FREE AND LEGAL NO, CURE OF IT EVEN IF FRIENDS AND FAMILY
GET TOGETHER.
MARK IS ALWAYS LATE.
WE HAVE TO HAVE A INTERVENTION.
BY THE TIME I SHOW UP THEY'RE GONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT IS A SNEAKY DRUG, CAFFEINE.
WE'RE ALL ADDICTED.
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE AN ADDICT.
YOU WAKE UP THE FIRST THING YOU WANT.
YOU TURN ON THE COFFEE MAKER.
YOU MAKE THE DRUGS AT HOME.
THERE IS AN APPLIANCE FOR IT THERE IS NO MR. METH.
YOU LOCK LIKE A ADDICT.
OPEN A DRAWER, PULL OUT THE BAG, COLUMBIAN, RIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> OH, YA.
THEN YOU GET TO WORK EVERYONE IS CRACKED OUT.
I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT COFFEE.
NO COFFEE NO WORKY.
YA, I WORKED AT A OFFICE A MEAN LADY CAME IN EVERY DAY.
I'M NOT TALKING TO ANYONE UNTIL I GET A CUP OF COFFEE.
I WAS LIKE GREAT, HIDE THE COFFEE.
YA.
I WAS AT A COFFEE SHOP EARLIER .
SO BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THIS CITY IT HAS TO BE HARD TO BE A LADY.
YOU'RE CONSTANTLY JUDGED BY YOUR LOOKS.
I HAVE A FRIEND WHO A A COCKTAIL WAITRESS.
SHE WAS FIRED FOR GAINING WEIGHT.
ALTHOUGH I SEE POLICE OFFICERS OVERWEIGHT EVERY DAY.
SHOULDN'T THEY -- SHE IS BRINGING CHICKEN WINGS TO A
TABLE.
SHE MAY EAT ONE.
THESE ARE POLICE.
I WENT TO EUROPE THEY DON'T HAVE GUNS.
THEY ARE CHASE AND TACKLE.
IN AMERICA, WE ARE LAZY.
I'M NOT RUNNING, BANG.
A CAR, BICYCLE.
NO MORE GUN, SWORD.
YOU HAVE TO GET IN THERE.
YA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> YA.
>> YA, IT'S GOT TO BE INTIMIDATING TO BE A LADY.
MY EX-GIRLFRIEND WAS PARANOID.
SAID I WAS CHEATING ON HER.
GO THROUGH THE CELLPHONE, SOCK DRAWER, SNIFF ME, LOOKING FOR
CLUES.
I'M SURPRISED YOU DON'T SEW MORE FEMALE DETECTIVES.
WOMEN WOULD BE AMAZING.
INTUITIVE AND PERSISTENT.
I FEEL YOU WOULD CRACK EVERY CASE IF YOU FELT IT WAS
PERSONAL.
THAT'S THE KEY.
MAN THIS GUY KILLS PEOPLE IN FRESNO.
HE'S ALSO SHEET KHA *ETING ON HI WIFE.
GIVE ME THE FILE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> THANKS A LOT I'M KEVIN HART.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> James: GREMARK NORMAN.
SEE HIM SEPTEMBER 28 AND 29 AT GOTHAM COMEDY CLUB IN NEW YORK
CITY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BAck THAT WAS REALLY GREAT.