Translator: Carl Luc Campbell Reviewer: Denise RQ
We cling to our core beliefs most when we feel they're under attack.
They're constantly under attack by the ignorant, by the provocateurs,
by those with genuine philosophical disagreements with us.
When I'm feeling misunderstood or angry, or in debate,
what I'm actually saying is I want you to buy my perspective.
Conflict is the universe's way of saying,
"You both have something the other needs to hear."
Interestingly enough,
conflict is when we're the least effective at selling our perspective.
Conflict makes us terrible advertisers.
So today, I'd like to talk about advertising and conflict.
I'd like to talk about advertising you to sell your perspective.
Don't get mad, get Mad Men.
I've done a lot of advertising.
I'd advertised for everybody from Nintendo to Always feminine hygiene products,
to not one but two taco brands,
and all this advertising taught me
that it's actually pretty simple to advertise something.
Three steps:
Step 1: know your audience.
Step 2: know your product.
Step 3: keep it simple.
So you might be asking yourself: If it's that simple,
why do companies pay millions and millions of dollars
to guys like me to advertise on their behalf?
And the answer is, well, tacos.
Stay with me for a second.
Pretend you work for a taco company:
Taco Taco Taco Inc.
You wake up, and you think tacos.
You go to work, and you talk to your taco co-workers
about maybe that taco promotion that you're going to get.
When you go home, and you see you're taco-funded family,
no matter what's actually on the dinner table,
it was put there by tacos.
(Laughter)
Everything, to a taco company is tacos.
These companies are filled with very intelligent people,
people with their advanced degrees and their MBAs.
These people have decades of experience.
They have the backing and trust
of the world's largest corporations behind them.
But every single one of them,
every single one of the people I've advertised on behalf for
has displayed this sort of taco obsession.
Just for, you know, Super Mario or Always Infinity pads.
The truth is we're all obsessed with our own version of tacos.
That thing that fuels us, that's so important to us,
that feeds us.
For some of us, it's our gender; for others, it's our race;
for others, it's our politics.
When these things are under attack,
we become really inneffective advertisers,
we just cling so hard to them that we can't see past them.
Mine is sexuality.
I came out when I was 25 which is already a deeply odd experience,
and it was made odder by the fact
that a lot of the older people in my life just didn't get it.
Take Norm.
Norm is 60, he helped raise me, and he's a real man's man.
Ex-cop, ex-US marshall, kind of built like a linebacker,
and when I came out to him, his response was metered but direct,
"Benny, you've always been a slightly awkward goofball;
and uh, how do you know you're actually gay?
Maybe you just haven't found the right girl yet."
Now, look.
Gay people coming out deal with this question on their sexuality
all the time.
The reality of the situation is that's it's infuriating.
Let me try to get you to get it.
When your computer just won't work right,
and you spent days or weeks trying to make it work right,
hitting it and stuff; and finally, you're done with it, and you're just like,
"Fine, I'll call customer service, or I'll take it into Best Buy."
You go "Hey, here's my computer, it's broken."
The first question they ask you is, "Did you try rebooting it?"
(Laughter)
It's like, "Yeah, yeah, I tried rebooting it,
and the computer is still super gay."
(Laughter)
(Cheers)
(Applause)
But that's angry Benny.
That's Benny in conflict, screaming,
"You homophobe! How could you ever think that this was a choice?
How could you ever think I chose this, you bigot!"
But Benny, don't get mad, get Mad Men.
Step 1: know your audience.
For some of my career,
I was what's called a 'planner' in the industry,
and basically, the role is 'professional people person.'
It's my job to gently remind everybody involved in the process
that people don't care that much about tacos.
Most people in the process start advertising with the product
and rightfully so.
It was my job to actually start with the audience,
to think about what's on people's minds, what's going on in people's lives
and then connect that back to tacos.
When you do this work, you realize all of us, every single one of us--
we walk around in our lives like we're the star of our own movie.
Everyone else is an extra, and everything else is background.
Even tacos.
We always talk about how many ads we see a day
and how much they influence us.
Here are the numbers.
But with all these numbers, and all the ads that we see,
we're so sort of the stars of our own movie
that we actually only act on 12 ads a day.
When you internalize this reality,
you realize that your job in conflict is not to win,
it's just to be one of those 12 ads that maybe breaks through.
Don't get mad,
get Mad Men.
Well, actually - Sorry, TEDx talk!
So, how do you do this? How do you break through?
You have to pretend you're the person on the other end of your anger.
We call this in advertising 'seeking the human truth.'
How do you do this?
Actually, it's been something you've been doing since you were a kid:
pretend, be curious, ask questions.
I don't know why Norm might think I could choose to be gay,
but I can pretend.
What is his life like?
Where did it start?
How did it lead to this infuriating reboot gay computer moment?
The reality of the situation is, when I guess like that,
when I'm curious and when I pretend,
I may not be right.
Let me give you an example.
I am a gay man who worked on the Always Infinity Pad project.
The closest thing I'm every going to get to a period
is when I'm reading my Kindle at night with my glasses off.
I can tell you from experience, when you take a guess,
when you pretend, and you're curious, and you ask questions,
when you finally take a guess it's going to be kind of right,
even if it's right in an odd way.
Remember back to those 12 ads that we act on.
Being right in an odd way is better than being very right in an average way.
Because it's all about what's going to break through.
Don't get mad, get Mad Men.
Advertising step 2: know your product.
So, everybody sort of knows that tacos are awesome,
and it's the job of an advertiser
to express that taco awesomeness in a compelling way.
We call these 'reasons to believe' or product attributes.
We spend days and days and days being immersed in tacos, basically.
I've been to a taco factory, I've eaten with families eating tacos,
I've had serious and genuine philosophical discussions
about the role of tacos in our lives.
What's the most compelling part of the taco?
What's the taco's 'reason to believe'?
It depends on your audience, and that's why we started there.
Some people like it spicy.
Some like it soft. Some like it meaty.
Some like it buffet-style.
The key thing to remember about all these 'reasons to believe'
is that they're not opinions.
Everybody assumes that the taco salesman loves tacos.
Nobody believes him when he says it's delicious and amazing.
Can you imagine if we sold and advertise products this way?
"Buy tacos because we think they're awesome!"
"If you disagree with us, you're an asshole!"
Like-- No!
Everybody expects the taco salesman to love tacos.
You have to focus on the 'reasons to believe' which aren't opinions,
the tangible things in your product that might connect on a human level.
So, Benny: the super-gay product.
I tried sleeping with women, twice.
And it didn't work, twice.
People seem to think I'm goofy and funny,
and that's always a nice way to approach hard conflicts.
Norm's always said he thought I was thoughtful and curious.
I can use that, combined with the fact that it took me 25 years to come out
to maybe convince him.
The final step in advertising is: keep it simple;
and it's something that most ads, let alone people, are awful at.
Here's the reality:
with so many messages and only 12 shots in a day,
you have to keep your message to 15 words or less;
one sentence, no ands or buts.
This is where the rubber hits the road,
because you're going to be insecure, you're going to be a little scared;
"What if all my audience guessing is wrong?"
"What if my product is actually not that good?"
Decades of experience have taught me
that effective advertising requires this sort of bravery.
You must be courageous enough in your product and your audience
to take one shot.
So what's my single most important thing in the situation with Norm?
I just want to let him know
that we're both human beings who can't help whom we love.
so, with all that advertising thinking, what was the outcome?
Norm looked at me and said, "How do you know you're gay?
Maybe you haven't found the right girl yet."
I looked at him, and I paused
and instead of getting angry or calling him a homophobe,
I said, "You know what, Norm? You're right.
Maybe I haven't found the right girl yet in 25 years,
and maybe, just maybe, in 60 years you haven't found the right guy yet."
(Laughter)
He looked at me, and there was silence,
and I feared for my face, but only for a moment,
because he quickly smiled broadly and brought me in for a hug,
and said, "OK, OK, I get it, I get it."
Now look, I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do.
You're not going to stop in the middle of an argument
and say, "Let me think like a Mad Man,"
but we're always involved in some sort of conflict or debate.
We can look at our past and most recent conflicts
and try to figure out how we can sell our perspective using advertising.
So, next time you're in a conflict, use your inner Mad Man,
and get your head out of your taco.
(Applause)