♪♪
THIS IS "THE DAILY BITE."
I AM JORDAN.
THIS IS OUR SET.
LOVELY. YEAH?
UH, WE GOT OUR CAMERAMAN CHARLES,
A.K.A. "CHOPPED LIVER," OVER THERE.
NO. WELL, DON'T -- DON'T CUT TO HIM.
CUT -- NO, DON'T.
COME BACK TO ME.
TO ME, OKAY?
THIS IS WHERE THE SHOW IS, ALL RIGHT?
PBHT!
REMEMBER WE HAD TO WATCH
THE BORING CAMERA GUY CHARLES?
[ SCOFFS ] NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
NO. OKAY. START THE SHOW.
Announcer: IT'S FRIDAY, AND SHARK WEEK STARTS SUNDAY.
I'M TAKING THE DAY OFF
AND GETTING MY LIVING ROOM READY FOR SUNDAY NIGHT.
OKAY, BOSS, I-I'M NOT TAKING THE DAY OFF.
TODAY ON "THE DAILY BITE,"
IT'S ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF "DICKIE DONE DID IT!"
PLUS, SOME MORE ADVICE FROM THE CAPTAIN,
AND YAMANEIKA IS WATCHING "RONDA ROUSEY UNCAGED."
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ONE OF OUR FAVORITE PARTS OF THE SHOW.
IT'S "DICKIE DONE DID IT!"
THIS ONE TIME, DICKIE
SWAM OUT ON A BIG BOARD THAT LOOKED LIKE A FEMALE SHARK
TO ATTRACT MALE SHARKS.
NOW, BEFORE YOU SAY IT, NO, THIS ISN'T A CARTOON.
IT'S REAL LIFE.
LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
DO IT, DICKIE.
[ MID-TEMPO R&B MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ OH, OH, YEAH ♪
♪ SAILING THE SEAS OF LOVE ♪
♪ OH, WON'T YOU THROW THIS FOR YOUR LIFELINE? ♪
♪ BE A LIFELINE ♪
♪ SAILING THE SEAS OF LOVE ♪
Chivell: THIS IS A BIG GIRL SHARK.
IT'S CALLED PARTHENOPE.
IT COMES FROM GREEK MYTHOLOGY WHERE THEY USED TO USE SIRENS
TO DRAG SAILORS TO THEIR DEATH.
NOW WE'RE GONNA TRY TO USE HER
TO DRAG COLOSSUS UP FROM THE DEEP.
Narrator: PARTHENOPE IS LAUNCHED AS A TEST.
Chivell: INSTANTLY, THE SHARK JUST CAME UP
AND TOOK A BITE OUT OF IT.
-SO YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT TRYING THIS? -YEAH.
Fallows: DICKIE, GOOD LUCK HERE.
THANK YOU.
OKAY, BIG GUY'S COMING FROM YOUR RIGHT.
Chivell: STILL THAT BIG FEMALE.
DON'T WORRY YET.
I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU GUYS SAY, "DON'T WORRY YET."
Narrator: NOW THE COLOSSUS-SIZED SHARK MOVES IN TO INVESTIGATE.
WATCH OUT, DICKIE.
DICKIE, I DON'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF THIS, MAN.
LET'S GET OUT OF THERE.
THE BIG SHARK IS NOW BETWEEN DICKIE AND THE BOAT.
SHE'S A [BLEEP] BIG [BLEEP]
Narrator: DICKIE ESCAPES
JUST AS PARTHENOPE IS NAILED BY A BIG FEMALE GREAT WHITE.
Chivell: AND EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T FIND COLOSSUS,
I THINK IT WAS WORTH THE RISK,
AND OBVIOUSLY ONE OF THE CRAZIEST THINGS
I'VE DONE IN MY LIFE.
♪ SAILING THE SEAS OF LOVE ♪
[ 1960s SURF MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪♪
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO HEAR FROM A "SHARK WEEK" ICON.
I TECHNICALLY DON'T COUNT AS A "SHARK WEEK" ICON,
SO IT WON'T BE ME.
IT'LL BE SOMEONE ELSE.
SPOILER -- IT'S THE CAPTAIN
HELPING SHARKS OUT WITH THEIR ROMANCE PROBLEMS.
IT'S RIGHT IN HIS WHEEL --
WHEELHOUSE.
IN HIS WHEELHOUSE.
♪♪
"DEAR CAPTAIN, SINCE BEING TAGGED,
I'VE BEEN GETTING ALL THE BABES.
THEY'RE SO INTO MY PIERCINGS.
I WAS WONDERING IF I SHOULD GET ANOTHER."
ABSOLUTELY NOT, MY FRIEND.
TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS TOO MANY TATTOOS.
YOUR CAREER OPPORTUNITIES ARE GONNA GO DOWNHILL.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE GONNA BE ANSWERING BOGUS SHARK LETTERS FOR A TV SHOW.
♪♪
[ WATER SPLASHES ]
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO CHECK IN WITH YAMANEIKA SAUNDERS,
WHO'S TAKING A LOOK AT SOME UPCOMING "SHARK WEEK" SHOWS.
LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
ANOTHER EDITION OF "YAMANEIKA VISION."
[ WATER SPLASHES, NEEDLE SCRATCHES RECORD ]
♪ SHE BE TUCKIN' MONEY, LOOKIN' BOURGIE DOWN A RIDE ♪
♪ ON A BOAT ♪ -♪ SPLASH ♪
RONDA ROUSEY.
♪♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
UM...NO CAGE?!
EVEN YOU FIGHT, YOU'RE IN A CAGE.
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF OUT
OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL ELEMENT THAT YOU TRAINED FOR --
CAGE FIGHT?
♪♪
I FEEL LIKE THIS SHOULD BE ON PAY-PER-VIEW.
HEY, GUYS, TUNE IN TO WATCH "RONDA ROUSEY UNCAGED,"
ONLY ON SHARK WEEK.
IF I WAS A MAGICIAN --
DOVES, DOVES, DOVES! --
I'D KEEP THIS EPISODE GOING FOREVER.
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY FOR BOTH OF US,
I'M ONLY A LEVEL-3 SORCERER,
AND IF THERE'S ONE THING WE ALL KNOW ABOUT SORCERY,
IT'S THAT IT DOESN'T WORK ON ANYTHING SHARK-RELATED.
SORRY, FOLKS.
LOOK, WE'RE OUT OF LUCK FOR NOW,
BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK HERE TOMORROW.
ABRACADABRA AND GOOD NIGHT...
FOR NOW!
♪♪