Have you ever swiped your way into a relationship,
but secretly wanted to be swimming along
with other fish in the sea?
Well, some might call that being unfaithful,
others will tell you it's science.
That's right.
Monogamy is considered to be an evolutionary puzzle,
because we as a species haven't always been monogamous.
Yet we always seem to be on the hunt
for our life partner, soulmate, significant other,
or whatever you wanna call it.
And in this day and age, the concept of monogamy
seems even more complicated
with the over-saturation of dating apps.
So, is monogamy real in the 21st century?
Before we go any further, I wanna start off
by defining monogamy, since it can mean
a lot of different things to different people.
We'll be using the Merriam-Webster Dictionary,
which defines monogamy as the state or practice
of having only one sexual partner at a time.
Keywords here are sexual partner.
So we're not talking about someone
you get emotionally attached to.
I also wanna mention that this entire video
talks about society as a whole
and how it perceives the concept of monogamy.
This is not meant to exclude anyone.
Dating is already heteronormative as (beep).
Okay, let's move on to humanity's history with monogamy.
Monogamy has only really been around for about 1,000 years.
Our ancestors, the mammalian group, were nonmonogamous,
which means they would mate with more than one partner.
And prior to the mammalian group,
the earliest primates on this Earth,
about 75 million years ago, preferred to live in isolation
and would only come together to mate.
And they didn't give a (beep) about who they mated with.
As time passed, primates became more social
and evolved to live together in groups.
But only humans became truly monogamous.
Today, other primate species such as bonobos and chimps
mate with multiple individuals in their groups.
And according to science, there's only a handful of animals
across all species that are truly monogamous.
Humans are not part of that list.
So, why did we adapt the idea of monogamy?
Well, a study from 2016 suggests
that as human societies became larger,
the prevalence of STDs put social pressure on partners
to stay monogamous in terms of their mating behavior.
The study also suggests that STDs would have been understood
as a form of punishment for those who were nonmonogamous.
Then, there's the theory of preservation
of an individual's health and their offspring.
This theory focuses on the idea
that as the brains of infants grew
and required more attention from their mothers,
women were less available to mate again after giving birth,
which then led to fathers wanting to nurture
and protect their child by pairing up.
But times have changed.
In present day, only 17% of human cultures
are strictly monogamous.
The rest embrace a mix of marriage types,
with some people practicing monogamy and others polygamy.
In some societies, there are women who marry several men,
married couples who have secret relationships
that last for years, and same-sex marriage
has had acknowledged commitment
long before they won legal recognition.
But what does monogamy look like in a world
filled with dating apps, webcams, porn,
and internet connected sex toys?
Pornography and sex toys have been around for a while,
and aren't usually considered cheating.
Then again, what actually counts as cheating
in the digital age could become highly subjective.
Technology has challenged and altered
the boundaries of relationships and fidelity,
because now vibrators have cameras
and can be controlled by someone
on the other side of the world,
and the porn star you love to watch now has the option
to go live and give you an intimate private show.
So as technology advances these mediums,
people could share sexual experiences
with other individuals, sex workers,
and people in open relationships.
And if teledildonics and online sex
provide safer and better sex
for long distance and open relationships,
these dynamics might become more mainstream down the line.
Dating apps have also made their impact
on the way we date today and our idea of commitment.
Access to dating apps is extremely easy
and instant matches create an ego boost
that can overshadow our quest for love.
People on dating apps are also aware that their date
might be talking and swiping on other options as well,
making it a labyrinth of potential competition.
Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone.
There are countless success stories
of people finding true match on apps
like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Grindr, Feeld,
and the other hundreds of dating apps out there.
I found mine on Instagram.
But all these options might help push
the conversation of monogamy to where it's heading.
Polyamorous open relationships are the future
according to matchmakers, scientists,
and your next match on Tinder.
But much of the conversation around nonmonogamy
currently revolves around how the growing practice
in straight relationships affects the social bonds
that traditionally structures families and adulthood.
And I say straight people because it's long been common
in queer couplings, especially among gay men.
But polyamorous open relationships
have started to get more attention from mainstream media.
An example of this would be Netflix's series Wanderlust,
starring Toni Collette in which her and her husband
start sleeping with other people independently.
There are also celebrities like Scarlett Johansson,
Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, Dolly Parton,
and Angelina Jolie, who have all said
they believe in open relationships to a certain extent.
And despite all the stigma
nonmonogamy carries in many circles,
there's something to learn from open relationships.
Experts say consensual nonmonogamy
can be healthy for couples because it improves communication
if it's executed thoughtfully,
which leads to resolving issues
instead of breaking up, cheating, or just settling.
But opening your relationship also means
you have to be fully honest with each other,
practice safe sex, and manage your jealousy.
And I'm not telling you to go tell your partner
that you want an open relationship right this instant,
because it's not for everyone.
Although we can all learn a thing or two
about communicating better.
If you love each other and want to stay together
until death do you part, you can.
Just know that in the age of Tinder, Ashley Madison,
and Grindr, you'll both have other options
that are just a click away.
Hey y'all, thank you so much for watching Contechtual.
If you enjoyed watching this as much as we did making it,
then please make sure to like and subscribe,
and tune in next Thursday to watch a new episode.
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See you next time.