(upbeat music)
- Hello, and welcome to being well.
The podcast where we learn,
how to increase every day happiness,
build in our strengths,
and get the most out of life.
I'm Rick Hanson, a psychologist and author,
who studies how we can change our brains,
and our minds and lives for the better.
Our inaugural episode went up just a few days ago.
If you missed it, I strongly suggest giving it a listen.
Since the material in it supports the practice,
in this episode.
On this episode,
we'll do a simple guided experiential practice,
focusing on being on your own side.
A lot of people find it much easier to stand up for others,
than they do to stand up for themselves.
In this practice will explore some ways
to cultivate a deep sense of being a friend to yourself.
Just as you are too many other people in your life.
Alright, I hope you enjoy it.
(soft music)
So I'd like to segue right now, into doing our practice.
So a little bit about how to do practice is,
first of all take care of yourself,
you know, feel very free to adapt my suggestions,
to your own needs.
And feel very free to ignore them entirely.
Here, for example, I suggest something,
and you wanna do something else that's fine.
Or if our suggested something that's useful to you,
and I keep on going,
feel really free to just stay with
whatever is useful to you.
Second, if anything comes up for you,
that's just too much, too uncomfortable or to disturbing,
it's really okay to stop the program or tune out,
you know, open your eyes if they've been closed,
look outside rub your feet on the floor,
get a drink of water, do whatever works for you.
And third sometimes what happens is,
you try to do something in a guided practice,
but you had a block,
something else comes up for you.
And then you have a choice.
Do you pursue that block,
or do you stay with whatever it was,
that you were initially working on.
You know such as as will soon move into,
the experience of being on your own side.
That's kind of a choice,
sometimes it's useful to look into the block.
Generally though,
I think it's good to sort of note the block, you know,
sometimes it's a very familiar block,
like self-criticism, or distractibility,
and then, you know come back to the practice itself,
because you can always think about that block later.
All right?
So, on the basis of all that,
now I'd like to do a little practice with you,
to begin to build up the neural structures that support,
this fundamental stance,
of being on your own side.
So with your eyes open or closed to begin with,
please bring to mind sometime,
when you really stood up for somebody else.
You were really supportive or you protected them,
maybe you spoke up on their behalf.
Maybe it was a situation where you really
couldn't do anything outwardly,
but internally, boy you were really a strong ally.
You were with that person,
the two of you were together.
You were on their side.
You were a friend to them.
You were for them.
Not necessarily against others,
probably not against others,
but definitely for them.
So your brain to mind a time when this was true.
Maybe multiple times multiple people stood up for,
you encouraged,
you were determined on their behalf.
And explore what this stance,
of being for someone is like as an experience.
For example, you might find that
you're sitting up a little straighter.
Or being for someone has a quality of determination.
What's your face feel like,
what's its expression when you're determined,
when you're really on the side somebody else?
Maybe there's a particular look in your eye,
the feeling in your eyes,
when you're on the side of somebody else.
How about warm-hearted feelings,
such as compassion,
the wish that these beings, these people,
perhaps others, besides people,
not suffer.
Or a quality friendship,
or maybe there's a certain vehemence inside yourself.
For not tipping into problematic anger or rage,
but there's a certain fierceness, serious,
energy, vitality in you,
on behalf of those who you are for.
What's that feel like in your emotions or body?
And then the key step,
knowing what this experience is like,
what the stance,
of being for someone as life like,
then apply this stance to yourself.
You might imagine yourself outside you,
or you might imagine certain difficulties or challenges,
or situations you're dealing with in life these days.
And see if you can sustain this feeling,
this stance that you know it is like,
to be for someone,
see if you can sustain it for yourself.
There could be a sense of determination, for yourself.
Or a sense of, "Hey, I'm matter too."
Not getting exaggerated about it,
or you know, arrogant or conceited,
just simply that same quality of healthy,
alliance with some advocacy for somebody else,
applying that to yourself.
For example, you could explore particular situations,
or particular issues in your life,
maybe pain in your body,
or some conflict with another person,
or a good be a difficult situation like tough job,
or a child with special needs,
or a relationship breakup,
or financial difficulty that you're grappling with.
And Explore what it could be like, to sustain a feeling,
of you know, "I wanna help myself.
I wanna do what I can to make things better.
My life matters.
It matters to me."
Try to imagine how you would act,
or what it would look like if you were on your own side,
and a tricky relationship.
Or in dealing with a challenging situation.
Keep regenerating,
keep bringing up,
this feeling determination,
of strength on your own behalf.
Get a sense of this feeling,
of being a friend to yourself,
with its combination
of understanding why it's principled and moral,
and good for others to be on your own side,
as well as there's a feeling in the body,
of being a friend to yourself,
also a sense of warmth and care for yourself,
and good wishes.
Get a sense of this stance of being on your own side,
sinking into you.
Kind of like you're giving over to it.
You're letting this sense of being an ally to yourself,
establish itself, and yourself more deeply.
So we are now finishing up this practice.
It's good to let a practice keep reverberating inside,
and not shift out if it abruptly.
And keep coming for this practice,
even as it ends in some kind of formal way.
(upbeat music)
That's it for this episode.
I hope you enjoyed that guided practice.
It's nice to take a moment out of the day,
to really recenter and be with yourself.
If you'd like to support the podcast,
please consider subscribing or leaving a comment.
And join us next week,
when which I'll have a world-renowned happiness expert,
as our first guest.
Thanks again for your support and be well.
(upbeat music)