- [Announcer] Coming up on "Dystopia Daily."
- Did you feed your grandma Play-Doh?
- Why do I feel like this is 11 fetishes
combined into one experience?
You're not the main character!
Content. (chuckles)
That's what she said.
Hi, I'm Dan and welcome back to "Dystopia Daily"
because every day on the internet we're reminded
of how social media slowly kills our brain cells
until you are like me with one lonely sphere
bumping around an empty cold cave.
(upbeat music)
It is once more time where I actually try participating
in the culture of this website and just make some regular,
relatable, reactionary content to just try and get over it.
This is SAWYD. some shit a YouTuber would do.
- [Staff] You said it wrong.
It's SSA.
- I can't fucking read.
One of my favorite kinds of YouTube videos
that I watch all the time but we never dare post on Main
is straight up reacting to funny TikToks,
and I love this shit, okay?
When I sit down to watch a YouTuber and, you know,
it's just it's your YouTuber
with that sense of humor you like,
laughing along with some clips,
it's like you're just in voice chat with a friend.
It's warm, it's cozy, it's casual, it is unoriginal,
uninspired, lazy, plagiarative, pointless content.
Let's do it.
I asked you guys to send me your fave funniest TikToks.
So as well as being an indicator of your taste level,
this is on you.
If I like what I see, I can like it
and then you can help save my desperately default algorithm
and make this shit chaotic.
Now, as I'm sure you've realized by now,
something I'm a fan of is trying to dress up
some simple shit with a theme to try and make it
look more creative than it actually is.
Hi.
So just reacting to some funny videos?
No, why not make it a challenge where you try not to laugh?
Now look, here's the thing about try not to laugh videos.
If the appeal is watching a YouTuber react
and the whole point of try not to laugh is to not react,
surely you're just watching someone's face
cover half of a fucking TikTok.
Now, okay, someone genuinely try not to crack,
especially with a four foot on the line can be fun,
but I personally just can't believe
it is that hard to not laugh.
So you want a challenge?
How's this?
If you laugh, you lose.
If I laugh, I instantly die!
I will just fucking die right here on this couch
and decompose next to my buddy here,
and you can all react to my final funeral.
How's that?
Wheelbarrow of tomatoes.
Life's on the line.
Here we go.
(goats chewing)
Next.
(door squeaks)
- [TikToker] Oh, I got the loudest
coffee maker in the world.
Watch how loud this is.
- Did you feed your grandma Play-Doh?
How many times did I have to?
- [TikToker] Watch how loud this shit is?
- Stop throwing the rock.
Stop the brick roll.
- [Son] Mom, what the fuck did you just do?
- And lastly.
- [Speaker] Whatever daddy wants, daddy gets.
- Wow, I'm still here.
Well, there we go.
Sorry to disappoint you.
Can I actually just enjoy the videos now?
Fun challenge!
But for real, what the fuck was that one in the middle?
I'm just gonna have to revisit that for a second
'cause I just wanna enjoy my life.
- [TikToker] I got the loudest coffee maker in the world.
Watch how loud this shit is.
- Did you feed your grandma Play Doh?
How many times did I have to?
- Why would you rob yourself from the joy
of being able to experience
whatever the fuck just happened in that?
Okay, let's react.
But first, a word from today's sponsor.
All right, what's the plan?
Am I just sponsoring myself again?
Jesus Christ, this is so depressing.
- [Staff] We actually got a sponsor
- Wait, we actually we have a real sponsor?
Oh cool. Who is it?
Is it Apple?
Balenciaga?
Pringles?
- [Staff] NordVPN.
- Actually, like unironically I'm sponsored for Nord VPN.
Okay.
- [Staff] I mean, you did buy an entire skeleton.
- Hi, when I'm trying to hide what I do online
'cause I'm a sussy bussy, I use NordVPN.
Having a virtual private network is perfect for me right now
as I'm on tour through the USA.
'Cause I can set my location back to Britain
and access Phil's Netflix account to be a cheap ass,
and binge watch "The Office" from the start
so I can pretend I'm friends with Jim and Pam
instead of, you know, prioritizing my own needs.
It's perfect for anyone who doesn't like the idea
of ad trackers getting to know you
or if you don't want your ISP
to spy on your...
Pog streamers.
It's available on so many platforms.
Windows, Android, iOS,
Linux? (chuckles)
Someone actually use Linux?
Really? Okay.
It's probably available on your wifi vibrator.
And thanks to "Dystopia Daily,"
this powerful tech company has a special offer just for you.
Just head to my unique URL, which is on screen now.
It is what's it?
It is risk free with Nord's 30 day money back guarantee.
(finger snaps)
Okay, that was dirty.
Oh God, you are not worth it.
Don't film this.
So just to clarify, I'm gonna like
probably every single one of those
Goats just shoving shit in their mouth.
Yeah, sure.
Home interior malfunctions,
coffee machine with the Pikachu rug and the Rick roll.
And what is?
- Twizzies.
Twizzies.
(Dan screams)
- This is why I need your help.
Okay, why is a 50 year old man squealing
and looking at Haribo?
Why?
Okay right, but here's like, for real.
Why would I want, why would anyone want to see that?
Let's react.
Okay, let's get cozy.
Let's just hang out.
I'm just with you.
Sat as I'd say in bed.
That's fucking weird.
Made it weird.
I'm sat on the floor across from you.
I'm just...
This is a YouTube video.
Let's stop making it fucking crazy, right?
Let's react.
- What did they call Aladdin when he went vegan?
Saladin.
- Okay, jelly shot.
Okay, that was like a whole in and out experience
of one man's digestive system.
(man vomits)
Well, we learned one thing that this guy can't do,
and that's on the internet now.
And you were wondering how the back of his throat works
with those dangly things.
We got our answer.
(automated voice babbles)
- Hank?
What? (laughs)
You know, I was complaining about my last brain cell.
That was it. (laughs)
This is the kinda shit where it's like,
what speaks to you emotionally and spiritually?
Just that.
I don't need a seven hour video essay
about someone's fucking trauma.
Just give me whatever the fuck that was.
Playing with dolls.
All right, okay, that is two broken vaginas right there.
Good for you.
I had dolls when I was a kid.
I went to Woolworths and it was like an Action Man Jeep
or a Barbie in a bikini,
and I bought the Barbie in the bikini
and then my mom had this moment in when she was like
is that when I should have known you were gay?
And actually it was because I already had an Action Man
and I just didn't want Action Man to be lonely.
I was just buying a heteronormative companion
for my Action Man.
So it wasn't gay, it was just sad.
Eating hydration with no hands.
Eating?
See, I feel like this guy is just
water boarding himself, right?
Where is this going?
You know, there is an irony here
that this is a ball of smart water.
(man moaning)
Why is he making the fucking sexual noise?
Why do I feel like this is 11 fetishes
combined into one experience?
Oh my God, why is this so long?
I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, there we go.
Yeah, I'm gonna spend about 19 hours on PornHub
trying to explore all the things that that awakened in me.
- [Wife] Dang it, can you grab me a napkin?
- Yeah, I'll get you.
- Oh Jesus!
Is the property destruction worth it?
Is the assault worth it?
Why? There's your TikTok.
- Oh my God, is that a piano
I did not even notice? - Why is this me?
Why am I about to be personally attacked?
- That's so cool. - I don't even remember
how like I, you know? - As I was saying.
♪ Never mind I'll find ♪
- Okay. Okay. (laughs)
I don't do that.
What I do is I wait for just, you know,
those interstitial moments where maybe
someone's doing the dishwasher,
someone's come out the shower,
and then I'll just start really loudly
busting out Fur Elise and they'll be like,
do you play the piano?
I go, no, no I don't.
That's fine.
I was just practicing something.
Stop laughing 'cause you know that's what I did yesterday.
- I'm going thotting, plotting, and trotting.
Don't be going around with your butt cheeks hanging out.
Hoe life or no life.
- Leave me the fuck alone.
Why does this have 2,000 likes?
One left.
This, whatever this is right now,
this sets the tone for the rest of your life.
I could have said day that, but here we go.
- Ava, you want some peanut butter?
- No, not this.
I know. I've seen this.
I don't wanna see.
I don't wanna see it.
I know what this is and I don't wanna see it.
And they know they don't wanna show it.
This is in there with the...
(Dan laughing)
It's not worth it.
It's not worth it for the content.
Have some goddamn dignity.
You don't wanna end up like me.
Now here's the test.
I just liked every single one of those TikToks,
and I'm now gonna refresh my algorithm for the first time.
No, it's dancing.
Why are they dancing?
No one on the train wants to see you dancing.
They're just trying to get to work.
You're not the main character.
For fucks sake!
(Dan laughs)
But for real, it seems like I need to do
another 11,000 of these to just not get unironic dancing
or weird 50 year old men making child noises.
Welcome to TikTok.
Well, look, I wanted this to help
and clearly it hasn't worked yet,
but honestly I'm scared to wake up tomorrow
and see what the algorithm shows me
after this total corruption.
But if you wanna see me on your preferred
3:00 AM doom scrolling app of choice,
oh okay, you can follow me on fucking TikTok.
Where you can expect this.
Thanks, Phil.
Now nobody's showering on the bus.
Hello, Internet.
It's me Dan, your favorite sarcastic self-
Really?
- Now see, I enjoyed doing that.
I had fun, but do I wanna do it every single day?
What do you think?
I wanna see a violent civil war in the comments.
If I just start streaming this content
and post eight videos a day and danisnotinteresting.
Or if you'd rather I just quietly disappear,
have some other inevitable kind of breakdown,
and come back in two years with a three hour video essay
about how my daddy issues made me move to Brazil
and live with a burly man in a shack.
So what other kind of content would you like me
to be curious about?
Find out next time
if I don't just delete my channel on SSAYWD.
(upbeat music)