Woke up this morning and hung out with NerdCubed.
Played WWE 2k16 and lost
Then I went on Google+ and fucked it in the arse.
*laughs*
It's the sequel.
I fucked Google+ up the arse and it was really really good. Oh my god, it was great.
Mine's out of tune again.
Two and three.
God.
There we go.
*screaming* Good night Detroit! *laughter* We love you!
Fuck 'em, I don't play the ukulele enough anyway.
There's literally a cobweb in this.
I've got dust in me too - sex on fire.
So's your ukulele.
Everything in my life's got dust in it.
VAGINA JOKE. *laughs*
I look photoshopped in, my head is smaller than your head.
Emma: That doesn't make sense! I guess it does... Dan: Yeah...
*laughs* We're gonna start singing a Muppets song now.
We should do this absolutely silently.
Ow, my neck.
Ugh.
Rargh
*random noises*
Your neighbors like, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OVER THERE?'
I don't care about your sweatpants, look at my jeans with white crusty stains on them.
It was wax from a candle.
Dan: Mmmhmm. Emma: Okayy? Dan: Wax from a candle bouncing off of swamp gas.
Emma: What? Dan: I ain't touching your jizzy jeans. Emma: THEY'RE NOT JIZZY!
Dan: Jizzy jeans... Emma: My jeans are not jizzy!
Dan: Didn't he do raps with, uh, Will Smith? Jizzy jeans? Emma: *laughing* That was Jazzy Jeff! Dan: Oh!
Can you come up with a Christmas name I can use on twitter? Says heyitspaige4.
Dan: Hey it's Paige Four. Emma: She needs a christmassy name
Dan: Her name is Paige. Emma: Her name is Paige.
Emma: She needs a christmassy name.
Dan: Christmas-sy name for a Page.
How about...
Santa
Pfftt
Who's the better person out of you guys?
*Sniff*
Emma: And we were both pretty fucking evil bastards Dan: We're both monsters. We're both, we're both really quite savage beasts.
I did kill a guy this morning, so...
Emma: Eeergh... I only killed one last week. Dan: Yeah.
He's winning.
Emma: I'm trying to shuffle back, but-- Dan: You're rubbing yourself against me awkwardly. Emma: but because you're sitting down on the mattress
Emma: the mattress is sliding me down. Dan: The memory foam! *giggles* it will never forget us!
Has Emma gotten any taller compared to Dan?
Dan: *LOUD LAUGH* Emma: I stopped-- Dan: *laughs* Emma: --I stopped growing, when I was... twelve Dan (at the same time): Four.
Twelve.
Dust just flew out of your hair!
Emma: I had dust in my hair?! Dan: You have dusty hair! Emma: I'm so old...
*laughs*
Which one of you is the puppet?
I know how to move my mouth. Get your hand out of my arse!
*giggles* *Laughs*
I would hate to be a puppet. You would just literally get fisted every day.
*in deep voice* I'd like to be a puppet..
pPfft
LOVE ME
*thumps* No Dan! Oh!
If you were a pokemon, which one would you be and why?
I really want you to answer this.
Uhhhhh heh
Ditto.
Why?
Because then I could be whatever the fuck I wanted.
I was hoping you'd just say something really horrible about...
That keys one. Fucking keys! I'm still on that!
How many books does Emma need to stand on to be taller than Dan?
Are you gonna go get that complete encyclopedia that you have?
They're hardback huge books!
Emma: Yeah, I know... Dan: Oh my god, you're actually gonna have a massive accident today, aren't you?
Emma (whispered): Yeah. Dan: It's going to be the fault of books. What have they ever done for anyone?
Okay. Taller.
Emma: Taller-- no. Same height? Dan: Still a little, still, I'm a little taller still. Emma: Wait, wait.
You're still taller! One more book, one more book.
Dan: One more book. Well there you just no there-- Is that Ronda Rousey's book? Emma (in a puffed sort of way): Yep.
Just give me a book. I just want to show them that they're pretty much all this size.
Emma: They're all, they're all the big ones. Dan: They're all, that sort of thickness.
*thump* Emma: They're *thump* all big books. *thump*
Dan: Harder books. Emma: This is the actual height difference.
Yeah.
Emma: Hi! *giggles* Dan: Hi.
Right I'm taller than you now.
Dan: You are now, taller than me. Emma: That's taller. Right, fantastic. Good.
Emma: It took seven hardback books. Dan: Seven hardback books.
This is a really long wasteful segment.
If you could be friends with any video game character in real life, who'd it be and why?
A tetris piece.
I wanna know where they came from!
If you ever marry Luke, will Dan be a bridesmaid?
Will you be my bridesmaid?
Dan: *gasps* YES Emma: My maid of honour! Dan: Oh my god yes!
Emma: You're just gonna wear your Asda George jumper, aren't you? Dan: C'mon Emma.
*in a strangled voice* Yeah?
It's a good jumper.
Or your Nerdcubed t-shirt that you've got on underneath this?!
Cause you ran out of clothes to wear, so you have to wear your own fucking merch.
Dan.
*laughing* You're like a child right now...
How fucking awesome is Just Cause Three?
Fucking awesome!
#spon
*laughing* #ad. #promo.
Emma: #onthatbuslike? Dan: Please, that's not my thing.
Yes, Greenex? Yeah, you owe me another hundred thousand pounds, thank you.
What is the thing you guys hate most about each other?
Dan: Her blowjobs are awful. I mean, they're just-- Emma: Dan! Dan: --so much teeth!
Dan: You don't need that much teeth! Emma: Daaaaan!
Dan: What? Emma: Nooooo! Dan: What, is that like your big thing on your tinder?
Noo - hehe - the fucking shipping!
I'm on the edge--
God...
Dan: Really hurt myself as I came down that time...
You okay?
Dan: *laughing* I'll be fine.
Did you bash the bed?
Dan: And the side (incomprehensible words)
Ohhh, man down.
Emma: Go for the pin, go for the pin! Dan: No!
Recommend something on Audible.
Books!
Attempt to do a manbun with Dan's hair.
Dan: What's a manbun? Emma: It's too, it's so foofy-- you don't know what a manbun is?
Why, I know what a manbun is sweetie darling! *laughter*
I have to try put your hair in a ponytail.
Yeah, oh! okay, go for it.
It's so foofy! I can't make a manbun out of this!
Dan: Try. Emma: It won't, it's too foof!
Emma: There is so much - no, don't go backwards! Dan: My scalp, you're taking my scalp! Emma: No I'm not. Oh my god, that's perfect.
You look adorable, darling!
I look like Nathan Barnett.
Look at the little manbun.
Look at the little manbun!
Emma, you're scaring me!
Oooh, I like THAT!
Emma: It's cool! Dan: Fire! Exclamation mark.
Emma: Fire!
Emma: You look petrified!
Emma: Oooh! Dan: The urchin doesn't go on the hair!
Emma: There.
I have to get on a train, after this!
Emma: Good luck with that.
We have to film, like, two hundred more videos yet.
Can you both re-enact your favourite emojis?
You have to become an aubergine now.
Dan: Well, I shall-- Emma: NO!! *fart sound*