- [Voiceover] Millions of Americans hit the polls today
to figure out who they want to be the next president.
But for some, reaching a decision
after 17 months of nonstop campaigning, debating,
and awkward dancing hasn't been easy.
I sat down for a group of undecided voters,
just before they headed to the polls.
Let's have it!
Who you guys voting for?
- I don't know.
- I won't know until I get into the booth.
I really won't.
It's going to be a bolt of lightning striking me,
and telling me which lever to pull.
- Your voting strategy is to walk into the booth
and wait for lightning to strike you?
- Yes.
- I am fucking sick of this shit.
You look at the two people and you figure out
which one you like more,
and that's it, boom! (snaps)
- That's like choosing between cancer and heart disease.
- He's a bigot, he's a racist...
- She's a lying, cheating, bitch.
- Just pick the one you like...
(All speaking)
- [Christian] Both, they're horrible.
- I wanna punch both of them in the face.
- [Voiceover] And it's not just these idiots,
more people hate Clinton and Trump
than like either one of them.
But maybe I could use their hate
to get them to make up their damn minds.
Decide who you hate more,
and then hate vote against that person.
Who do you hate more?
- He's a piece of shit.
But he's less a piece of shit than the other one.
- So he's like a smaller piece of shit...
- He's like a Chihuahua piece of shit
compared to a Grand Dame piece of shit.
- So therefore, you should vote for?
- No idea.
- That's hard, it's not a cut and dry.
- [Voiceover] Yes it is.
They just needed to do what everyone
that hates a politician does.
Compare them to Hitler.
I want you to take this Hitler mustache,
and stick it onto the candidate who you hate more.
Okay, let's see who you guys think is more like Hitler.
(signs rustle)
That's it, we got it!
Trump is Hitler, 4 to 1.
So we hate Trump more.
- [All] No.
- You literally think one of them is Hitler,
and you still can't decide?
- That's correct.
- [Christian] I wish I had two mustaches.
- It doesn't definitively influence me to make a choice.
- Answer the question Alan!
Hillary or Trump?
- Undecided.
- [Christian] Same.
- Maybe these guys just needed
to warm up on making hate decisions.
What do you hate more, dogs or cats?
- [All] Cats.
- Armageddon or Deep Impact?
- [All] Armageddon.
- Armageddon.
- Bill Cosby or the Washington Redskins?
- [All] Bill Cosby
- I would say the Redskins.
- You hate the Redskins more than you hate Bill Cosby?
- I'm a Giants fan, so yeah I'll go Redskins.
- He drugged and raped 50 people.
- It's alleged.
- Alleged.
- [Voiceover] These people are even undecided
about Bill Cosby.
This is going nowhere.
What would it take for you people
to make a fucking decision?
(sigh) - I honestly don't know.
- I'm kind of hoping one of them is gonna get killed
and the choice will be made for me.
- When the curtain closes, I will make up my mind.
Until that moment, I shall remain decidedly undecided.
- Okay, we aren't leaving this room
until we figure this out.
- [Voiceover] It was time
to make these undecideds actually vote.
So I got two ballots here.
You've got the Sexist Cheezit.
Or you got the Lying Robot Pantsuit.
You can't vote for a Cheezit,
a Cheezit is not a human being.
It's an inanimate object.
- Yes, Alan, it was a metaphor, okay?
- That wasn't properly explained to us.
- How many instructions do you need for this exercise?
- I don't think a Cheezit, a robot possibly,
but not a Cheezit.
'Cause a robot could be an android.
- That's okay, Alan, no one asked you.
- Okay.
- I want you to take your ballot,
and put it into this ballot box.
And we're gonna figure out who you mother fucking undecideds
are gonna vote for, alright?
But even a mock vote wouldn't come easy.
Three of you voted for Hillary,
and two of you voted for Trump.
Early on, four of you decided
that Trump was more like Hitler,
so what that means, is that one of you decided
that Trump was more like Hitler
and you still voted for Trump.
And I wanna know who that person is.
- It was me, I got confused.
I thought I was voting for Hillary, but it was really Trump.
This is too much.
- Oh my God, we are fucked.
- [Voiceover] I couldn't let this happen, so this afternoon,
I decided to stick with one of these idiots
all the way to the polls to make sure he made a decision.
(intense music)
Who did you vote for?
- I did not vote for anyone.
- Are you fucking serious?!
Fuck!
(music fades)