- I mean, literally, on a seat, fire blazing,
smoke going, inside the train.
(eerie music)
- So, I was heading to work.
So, I was taking the six train.
So, this was primetime rush hour.
There's barely any seats.
Everyone's kind of in a miserable mood.
I ended up getting all the way
at the edge of the train where the window is right here.
Then, there's a little space,
and then, there's another cab.
I'm sitting with my girlfriend, and she's talking to me.
And I kind of zone out for a second.
I'm staring through the window into the other car.
And then, I see this lady coming towards the door.
I don't really think anything of it.
I'm kind of just like bracing
'cause I get a little nervous when the doors open up.
So, I'm bracing for the other door to open up,
and it doesn't open up.
Where is this lady?
So, I see her in the middle of the train cars.
So, I'm looking around, and no one else is noticing.
So, I'm getting a little nervous.
I go to my girlfriend, I was like,
"Did you see this person in the middle of the train?"
She's like, "Yeah, what of it?"
And I was like, "All right, never mind."
I go back to listening to the story.
And then, I look out the window again,
and this lady has now dropped her trousers,
and is using the restroom in the middle
of the train right there.
And not just number one, but number two.
It was in between the two train cars,
while moving in the danger zone.
And where I'm sitting is actually
a very terrible vantage point.
But the worst part about the whole story
is I'm looking in the other train,
and I'm looking around, looking at my girlfriend,
and I was like, "Is anybody else seeing this right now?
"Or is it just me?"
As soon as I figure out what's going on,
I tap her on the shoulder, I'm like, "Look."
But she's already done.
Pulls up her trousers, goes back in the other train,
sits back down.
And I swear to you, that the person she sat next to,
gave this horrific look like
he just smelled like something died.
And I was just like, well, I'm the only one
that noticed that just happened.
- I was East Village.
I was gonna take the F train back into Queens.
It was two in the morning, 2:30 in the morning.
And the train came in, I hopped in the car.
Everyone started hearing people yelling, "Fire, fire!"
Clearly, we weren't going to be going anywhere.
But I like held on hope.
I was like, "I'm just gonna sit here.
"This might just be a fluke."
It wasn't a fluke, everyone got out.
It was two cars down, there was smoke.
I actually had a friend that was on the other side
that called me and was like,
"Hey, there's a legit fire in the car."
And I was like, "Oh." (censor beeps)
So, I ran over to the car, and true to form,
there was a crowd of people.
Their phones were whipped out, I whip out my phone.
And there was a fire on the seat of the train.
None of us left, a bunch of us just stayed.
When you got out of the station,
there were firetrucks everywhere.
And they had closed down a couple streets.
And clearly, I wasn't gonna get home.
It was just random, and entertaining,
even though I probably shouldn't
have thought of it that way.
- I recently moved to New York.
So, I'm not super familiar with the city.
And I'm just kind of going about my way.
And my commute to work, at this time,
was probably about 30 to 40 minutes.
And as I was walking on
the platform, I was approaching some quite steep stairs.
And suddenly, this like enormous pressure
smacked me in the back of the neck.
And I fell to the ground, I just collapsed.
I didn't actually really have the time
to like turn around and figure out what had gone on
because my phone was smashed,
my bag had fallen down on the floor,
and everyone was looking.
What had happened is this guy,
he had said that I had barged into him,
previously on my commute.
And he had turned around, got himself very worked up,
and found me, and ran, at full speed,
pushed me super, super hard in the back of my neck.
So, I fell down.
So, at this point, I've turned around,
not really knowing what's going on.
I looked up at him, and he was seething,
incredibly angry, kind of glazed over,
kind of like some alpha male character in a mud film.
But he was still angry and still proud.
So, he was like standing over me going (pants).
(laughs) And I was like, "Hey, hon."
He was like, "You just barged into me!"
So, I was like, apologizing profusely.
This guy just kept repeating that I had barged into him.
Someone else asked him to calm down.
Someone else was helping me up off the floor.
And then, I apologized.
I said, "Listen, I'm really sorry."
And then, he went to work.
And then, I went to work, and just sat at my desk,
had a cup of tea, and didn't tell anyone.
And then, a couple days later, I was like (chuckles),
"Actually, that was really dramatic."
(eerie music)