(upbeat music)
- I'm known around town as Sammi Sweetheart.
I'm the sweetest (beep) you'll ever meet.
But do not (beep) with me.
I'm not looking for Mr. Right.
I am looking to break a lot of hearts
and to get with a lot of good hot, sexy guidos.
Your number one mission is to go out
and find the hottest ***** and take him home.
The smaller the shorts the better
because all the little ***** guys out there love them.
I love to get dolled up.
I love to look good.
I can never go out without my hair extensions.
A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up,
takes really good care of themselves,
has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tan skin,
wears the hottest heels.
Pretty much they know how to own it and rock it.
If you're not a *****,
then you can get the (beep) outta my face.
(tires squealing)
- Are you okay?
What's going on?
Like sit down cause like I'll be like,
it's just me like nobody else is here.
I just wanted to like talk to her just to stay with it.
You only learn, you grow, you move on.
You have to push through every situation that you're in.
The first night we were, everybody was drinking.
You drank a lot.
Did I not like you the first night?
I'm gonna tell you honestly no.
I did not like you.
I'm like, is she that sloppy girl?
The next day when I was like don't get your throw
up breath on me.
Cause I was so ill
about the first night but that's just me.
Like I get like that.
Like I don't like girls.
I got like problems like that.
I, throughout the day, like
saw a whole 'nother person in you.
Made me change and realize, I don't know this person.
I'm not gonna judge her.
I honestly think Nicole needs to build up some self-esteem.
I will definitely be there for her.
Try and comfort her.
Do your, don't go home.
I will be there if you like need me to be your friend.
Like I am that type of girl.
Like they don't call me Sammi Sweetheart for nothing,
like you know what I mean?
- Well thank you for that.
I'm not a strong person like I look,
I just honestly I don't know what I'm feeling right now.
- Who can't clean up their plate here?
- Get the (beep) outta here.
I just cooked for like two hours.
- Good job.
You cook food for everybody.
Have I ever asked you to cook me food?
No. Do you do it?
Yeah. Can you clean up after yourself?
Yeah you can clean your plate off the table.
- Everybody should take each side
of my plate and walk it to the garbage.
- I don't think so.
I'm not touching the plate.
- I'm not cleaning up.
I'm not cleaning up.
There's no way I'm cleaning it up.
- Just cause you cooked doesn't mean (beep).
- I'm not touching one dish because I cooked a crazy meal
and she's got the nerve to tell me to clean my plate.
You know what?
You are excluded from dinner then.
From now on, you are excluded from the surf and turf night.
You are excluded from ravioli night.
You are excluded from chicken cutlet night.
- Mike was just being a stubborn little *****
to be honest with you.
And like I wasn't gonna let him disrespect Sammi.
So I picked up the plate and I cleaned it for him.
- Aw (beep).
Ron Ron cleaned my plate.
Get the (beep) out of here.
- So isn't that embarrassing to you like-
- No it's not embarrassing.
- I kind of feel
like Mike thinks he's in control in the house.
He's the man of the house.
- Isn't it embarrassing that I put together a feast tonight?
- Yeah, and everybody did too.
Not just you.
- No, no, no, no.
- Everybody cleaned up their plates here.
- No, no, no, no, no. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- We coordinated a feast
while you were getting your nail and your hair did.
- I didn't get no nails done or my hair did.
That's a bunch of bull (beep).
Mike, clean the (beep) dishes.
(papers rustling)
Who gave me this?
So I get up and I found this note.
This note pretty much told me that Ron gets with fat chicks,
hooks up with girls, holds hands with girls,
got a girl's number.
Every (beep) thing Ron has done to me here.
Ben, come here.
Please come here.
I need to talk to you.
Just tell me if this is true.
I'm like shaking.
I kind of like wanted to find out like what's really going
on before I opened up my mouth and kind of look stupid
cause I didn't know like where this note came from.
I didn't know anything about it.
- Who the (beep)?
Who did this.
- I don't know.
Just tell me the truth.
Don't say anything right now.
Need a friend.
- I, Sam, I really don't know.
- Don't say anything.
- Alright.
- Don't say, promise?
- Yeah.
- Pauly, Pauly.
I don't want anybody to know but I need a friend.
My girls aren't here.
Did this really happen?
You need to be honest with me.
- The first night at b.e.d., when you left
Ron made out with two girls.
- Tell me if this happened.
- No, I definitely didn't see that.
(upbeat music)
If anything, I knew that cause I was doing my thing.
It would all work.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- As far as that. - I get this.
- I have no idea.
That's crazy.
- Right?
- I found it in my drawer.
I'm not stupid.
I'm pretty sure all the guys
like aren't gonna say anything to me.
I just wanted to see if they would
but I feel like I know when something's not right
so I just wanted to get to the bottom of it.
Nobody's really spinning anything out.
- We actually wanna call the house to see
if Angelina is there to ask if Sam found the letter.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Ironically Sam answered the phone and I'm like, oh no.
- What are you doing?
- We're bored at work.
We were seeing if anyone was home.
- Did you leave me a note?
- Did I what?
- Leave me a note.
Just say yes or no.
- No.
- Please be honest.
- What are you talking about, eh?
- I open up my drawer and there's a note there
and it says all the (beep) that Ron has done to me.
It wasn't you?
Cause it's a lot of (beep) let me tell you.
- No I didn't.
But from when?
- Like at Clutch and at b.e.d he did some (beep).
It's all in the note.
I confronted him about it and everything.
- I wasn't there for clutch or b.e.d.
I was with you for Clutch and I was with you for b.e.d.
Me, Nicole, and you went home.
- You didn't know anything?
- No.
- This ***** Angelina was telling Ronnie
and Sammy that you were talking (beep)
about Pauly when he, cause he's drunk.
- Angelina said that?
Angelina, what were you saying
about me talking (beep) about Pauly?
- Vinny, why would you try and start trouble right now?
- Huh?
- Why is my conversation even being brought up though?
- Don't yell at me honey.
Don't.
- Unfortunately Jenni and Sammy
have had a history and a lot of turmoil boiling up.
- I don't like you.
- Why don't you like me?
Cause I came to you as a woman
and told you about your man, babe?
- Who wrote the note?
You (indistinct).
- For someone that begged, begged
begged to like all the girls in the house.
If you know something, tell me.
- People become (beep) all of a sudden.
- And it's like putting firecrackers in a dumpster.
- I'm in your (beep) face right now.
- One match and ****.
- I'm in your (beep) face too. - Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop, stop.
(beep)
Stop.
(beep)
- Stop.
- Stop. Stop. Stop.
(beep)
- Stop. Stop. Stop.
- You guys have to stop it.
- Stop dragging her down. - Stop.
- Stop. Stop.
- Hands to yourself.
- Stop it.
- (beep) with me again, I'll (beep) around.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- (indistinct)
- Oh, but you didn't write the note.
- You both can suck it.
- She wrote it too.
- I I I was - She wrote it too.
She wrote it too.
She was with us and she (beep) wrote it.
- You both are (beep)
and you can't (beep) tell me.
- Finally Jenni and Snooki admit to writing the note.
- (beep) you Nicole, and (beep) you
and you're (beep) sidekick.
- I knew who wrote the letter
and Jenni's not talking to me.
Snooki's not talking to me.
It's like, what am I, (beep) stupid?
- They're (beep) whores!
- Sam, I was watching out for you.
- No, that's it.
- I was watching out for you.
- That's it, that's it. - I was watching out for you.
- Really? - That's it, watch it.
- I was, that's why
- Your (beep) was done with Emilio, and that was it.
So you tried to bring us down.
- (indistinct)
- Cause I didn't do anything,
I was watching out for Sam,
cause Sam's my (beep) best friend in the house.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, and I thought you were mine.
- No, I am.
- That's why Emilio (indistinct).
- I don't give a (beep) about (beep) Emilio.
- Bring the mattress down.
- Ugh, got it.
- We need to make it down here somehow.
Here's this thing.
- Let's surf down.
- You know we might have-
- Oh my God, that was so much fun.
- It feels so good to get outta that room away from Mon
and move downstairs.
Welcome to our casa.
- I love it.
- Welcome.
- Smells like (beep).
- All right, you guys ready to go?
- Hell yeah Nick.
They don't even think we're coming.
I love single Sammi.
This is gonna be fun.
This is gonna be a blast.
♪ Read the signs of my body ♪
♪ It's time to get naughty. ♪
♪ (indistinct) everybody. ♪
♪ (indistinct) ♪
- But the boys are on this side.
We're going to the other side.
- Whatever, wherever we see them.
- Are you ready?
Yes. I wanna have sex tonight.
- I'm going to Aztec tonight for one reason.
Get Ron back the best way I know how.
Let's find the hottest guy.
Where's the hottest guy at?
I need a hot (beep) guy.
I need a (beep) hot guy, right now.
Hot guys, come here.
- Ronnie's like 10 feet away.
(beep) gonna happen.
And I just think like, let the games begin.
- I'm single, dance with me.
Let's dance.
Let's have fun.
Break it down, let's see what you got.
- Wow.
That's a situation.
- All right, so what are we gonna get Mike back with?
- Fart on his pillow.
- Feel like you could fart on his pillow
so he gets pink eye.
- Because Mike loves pranks so much.
Sending me to the city,
last year putting (beep) under Vinny's bed.
Why don't you get a taste of your own medicine, Michael?
- Let's open up the fridge and see what we got.
- See what we're working with.
- Cream cheese.
- Grated cheese.
- That'll do.
- So me, Snook, and Sam go upstairs and prank his bed.
(Snooki and Sam laughing)
- Looks like a pizza.
Should I eat some cream cheese?
Smear it in between his sheets.
- He doesn't wash his sheets anyway so he's never
gonna find it.
And we just start making a nice smorgasbord
of all kinds of cheeses and red pepper.
- That's for sending me to New York.
- (blowing raspberry)
And that's like the ceiling to the whole joke.
(Snooki burps)
- You got cheese?
- Mike, we got you.
- Oh, we got you. - This is for sending me
to New York.
- Your face.
- Cream cheese.
- Ahh!
- Oh no, it looks good.
- What up?
- Hello.
- That's Snooki.
- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- That's Sammi.
- Hey. - Hey.
- What is-
- What are we doing to herself?
- Let them do their thing.
Probably gonna make some tea.
- That was fun though.
I used to love that game.
- Me too.
- You want water?
- Yeah.
- Your beer goggles are terrible.
- Scares me.
- You want some comfortable stuff?
All right, good idea.
Put these on.
- Oh no.
- The cheese.
- They're both gonna get pinkeye.
- Good.
- We're gonna meet a penguin.
- Oh, I wanna meet the penguin.
- We're gonna meet a penguin.
- Well this is Destiny.
- Oh my god.
- Can I pet him?
I want to pet him.
- Boys or girls,
what kinda animal is a penguin?
What kind of animal?
- What kind of animal? - [Zookeeper] What kind of
animal?
- Mammal?
- [Child] A bird.
- [Zookeeper] A bird, good job.
Yeah.
- Oh my god,
I need to go back to school.
- That's what I thought.
- Yo, you like my new Jordan's, the "Kool-Aid" kicks?
- Look at what I did then.
- Are you (beep) serious?
Deena, get the (beep) KoolAid off the white right now.
- Don't yell at my roommate.
- Oooh.
- Vinny is being the ultimate ****** bag right now.
Like get the hell outta here.
- He wants a battle bro.
- Follow me.
I'll battle.
- I'll battle you right now bro.
- All right, go, start.
- Yo Sam, got no plan.
I'm the man.
You're just a fan.
- Oh.
- Yo, Vin you wish could win.
Though you'll never ever be someone like me.
- Oh, oh, oh.
Yo, go home bro.
- Yeah.
- Holy (beep), retaliate.
- Of course.
- Can I retaliate?
- Of course.
- Say something mean, please.
- Yo Sam.
- I won't say mean things.
- Here's to sit in your seat.
See my girl Sam.
She's the sneakiest ***** you'll ever meet.
- Oh.
- That was awesome.
That was awesome.
That was (beep), that was a blast.
That was a good time.
- Oh, he slipped on his feet.
- Your turn.
- Game over.
- Oh, wah-wah.
- What the (beep) is wrong with you?
Like do you really think that?
Like that's not okay to sit there and say that to me.
- Yo, you fell son.
That was dope.
You see him fall.
That's what he gets.
You see those eyes she gave you though bro?
Yo, you better watch for you sleep tonight my dude.
- I know.
- Why don't me and Deena cook?
- For real?
- Yeah.
- Wow. Thank you.
- I am a good cook.
If somebody like let me cook something,
I will cook a good Sunday dinner.
- Do you know how to make like meat sauce?
- I'm gonna make my own concoction.
- All right, let's go.
Should we have a glass of wine while we cook?
- Oh my God, yes.
- We'll be like real Italian ladies cooking dinner.
- I'm so proud of myself for not falling last night.
- This is the garlic.
This is scallion, not (beep) garlic.
What is this?
Tell me these are strawberries.
These are like weird strawberries.
Are these good like this?
- Yeah, those are like raspberries.
- Oh.
- We have to do these (beep) dishes also.
- We need to clean them with real cleaner.
- Yeah.
- With this actual dishwasher detergent.
- Intense go.
Automatic go.
Just shut it, maybe it'll go.
I haven't eaten yet at all today.
- Do you wanna go get some like a quick bite to eat?
- Let me just spread these chicken cutlets.
We got some stuff ready and then me, Jenni and Sam are like
let's go out for a little bit.
When we come home, we'll cook.
(dance music)
- So we go downstairs.
It's like mad dark, but like 10 seconds
into the club where the crowd was bang.
I see like these two girls rolling around on the ground.
I'm like, oh (beep), chick fight.
Then I look over, I'm like, holy (beep).
It's Sam.
(people yelling)
- Sam getting into a fight,
it's some scary (beep)
and I just don't know what to do right now.
(dance music)
Sam, come here.
What'd she do?
She pushed you.
- Somebody (beep) yanked on the back of my head.
I threw my (beep) drink.
I got attacked by, like, a swarm of (beep).
- This stupid ***** pulled her hair.
- You see it now, you're bleeding.
- You don't yank my newly weave that I just got.
I was always taught to like self defend myself.
I will take down the world
if I feel like somebody touched me the wrong way.
It was me against the world.
- ****, some girl yanked Sam's hair.
- I just did the thing, and I still held onto my clutch.