No contact is a huge mistake, and if you're thinking about doing it,
I want you to watch this video all the way through to the end because it could perhaps
save you a lot of time, a lot of frustration and a lot of disappointment and heartbreak.
Hey there, it's clay with modernlove.life. If you're thinking of trying to save your
relationship with your ex, then you've probably heard about this thing called the no contact rule.
It basically says, you know, either don't contact your ex for like a month and then, you know,
reach out to them or send them a handwritten, heartfelt, uh, letter that you've written out by
hand taking accountability for all the things that you think you've done wrong, or it says, you know,
just don't contact them. Don't contact them. No matter how long it takes, don't contact them,
and eventually they will crack under the pressure and they'll come crawling back to you because they
miss you so much over broken shards of glass. I want to caution you about using this strategy,
either one of these strategies because no contact can actually do a lot more harm than good.
Let's go ahead and get into why this is the case. First of all, no contact sends a very anti
-relationship message. That is to say, if your ex is in a place where they actually do want to have
a relationship, they actually do want to have some sort of great meaningful bond with someone. Using
no contact can be the exact opposite of what you want to do. It says, when the going gets tough,
when things get hard, when things get difficult or challenging, I disappear. I go away, I'm outta
here, I'm gone. I've vanished. And that's probably not the kind of thing that someone who's looking
for a great relationship is gonna be looking out for. What is it Somebody who is going to
want to have a great relationship is gonna look out for, they're gonna wanna see communication
and they're gonna wanna see cooperation. Neither one of these things are what you
get from no contact or mind games or reverse psychology or playing hard to get or anything
else like that. The other problem with no contact is that people often use this as a substitute for
actually understanding what is happening. And when this happens, you know, you're basically putting
on a blindfold and you're just kind of fumbling around through the dark here. Maybe sometimes
you might get it right, you know, maybe, maybe sometimes using no contact is going to elicit some
sort of response from them, or it is going to, you know, allow a little bit of time to pass so
that the intensity of the breakup isn't so fresh. But if you don't understand what's happening on
an emotional level, if you don't understand what needs to happen emotionally for your partner to
say, yes, I want to get back together with you, then no contact can do a lot more harm than good.
What is it going to take to actually get the two of you back together again? It's going to take
them wanting to get back together with you. It's going to take them seeing a future with you. It's
going to take them feeling an emotional connection that's so strong that they want to go out of their
way to pursue it. They want to go out of their way to prioritize it. They want to go out of their way
to make sure that that emotional connection has a place in their present and in their
future. And no contact isn't going to do that. Of course, with the two of you being out of contact,
you may experience them missing some positive things from the past, but that's not necessarily
going to show them that those are going to exist in the present or the future. You may
get some time to get your emotional world together and you know, hey, that's fine.
I want you to get your emotional world together. If you're in this place where you're just falling
apart emotionally, you know, you're in what we call damage control mode. You're panicked,
you're contacting them a hundred times a day, you're begging and pleading,
you're buying them gifts, you're apologizing left and right, you're doing all the stuff that,
that we all have probably figured out in one way or other doesn't work. If you're doing all that,
then yeah, you, you, you might need to take a little bit of a time out and to just get your
head on straight. I get it. I've been there myself, I've done those many things and more,
uh, when I was in my own version of damage control mode before in the past, we've all pieced together
pretty quickly that that is not a good strategy for saving your relationship. Oftentimes,
the most common reason why so many people are recommending no contact, another big problem is
that people, as I said before, don't recognize the emotional connection that needs to be developed.
And so they just use no contact as their only tool when their ex won't talk to them. They
do no contact when their ex is in a rebound relationship. They do no contact when their ex
is upset with them. They do no contact when their ex, uh, cancels on a date with them. They do no
contact when their ex says that they're confused. They do no, no contact When their ex says that
they need a little bit of time to think about things, they do no contact when their ex says,
you know, yes, I do feel something for you, but I'm afraid to take that step forward. They do
no contact. And the problem with this is that you're not paying attention to the emotional
things that are happening within your ex's world. You are just blindly falling back on this strategy
that sends an anti-relationship message. Can you see how this is going to backfire
on you? Can you see how this is holding you back? Can you see how this is causing more harm than
good? If you can, then it's time to consider other options than just using no contact or mind games
or reverse psychology. Your ex isn't going to get back together with you because you didn't
talk to them for a month. They're not going to get back together with you because you played
some reverse psychology game. They're not going to get back together with you because you played hard
together, because you used a mind game. They're going to get back together with you because of the
emotional connection between the two of you. They're going to get back together with you
because they see a bright future with you in it, and they want that for themselves. They want to
go outta their way to pursue it. They're going, they're gonna go outta their way to prioritize
it. And if that is something that you want for yourself, then you're going to need to have a
different strategy up next, I want you to go ahead and check out this video right here on how to get
your X back without no contact. Go ahead and check it out there. It's what's worked for lots
of our clients and I think you're gonna find it very insightful and very helpful. Take care.