- Have you ever had sex in my bed?
- No.
- But in my house you did?
- Definitely.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
- Hello everyone.
My name is Randy Ford.
I use She/Her/Goddess as pronouns,
and I will be your interviewer and director today.
- Hi, my name is Ivana.
My pronouns are She/Her.
- I am Leslie.
My pronouns are Her and She,
and Ivana is my daughter.
- My name is Elle Jennings.
I use She/Her pronouns.
- And I'm Barry.
My pronouns are He/Him.
- My name is Zahra.
I use She/Her pronouns.
I identify as a Gender Non-Conforming Femme.
- My name is Nandi,
They/Them.
- What are you sipping on?
- A cheap hotel wine.
- I'm just gonna have just some little sips
because I am on the keto diet.
I still gotta have my libations though.
So yes, I'm ready to have fun.
- Let's do a little cheer.
- Clink, clink. - Clink
- Ivy, the first question to your mom is?
- When did you first notice
that I may not be cisgender?
- I would say around your senior year of high school.
- Somewhere between six and eight.
Definitely new and then we were pretty cool with it.
- When you were four.
You wanted to wear a skirt to school.
So I let you.
It was so cute.
- Aw. - Oh My God.
- Yeah, mom I wanna wear a skirt.
(chuckling)
So I said, okay.
- Was I supportive during your transition?
And am I now?
- So yeah, because before I knew I was trans,
I had to come out as gay.
And when I came out,
I originally came out to my mother
with not a very positive response.
I shoulda come to you first.
But you were extremely supportive.
And I'll always be appreciative of that.
Always loved that about you.
- Leslie, you to Ivy.
- Were you ever afraid to tell me
about your queerness?
- Oh, absolutely.
I think by growing up in the south, especially,
it was just very hard to admit it to myself,
let alone admit it to my parents.
Well, I was scared
I was getting thrown out on the street.
I should have known that my parents would never do anything
to harm me.
But I've heard the horror stories
and I didn't want something like that to happen.
So I was definitely scared.
- I have been a person in the past
that has cared what people thought.
That is growth that I needed to do,
and I honestly think it busted the doors wide open.
I could give a shit what anybody thinks now,
I really don't care.
- Dad, what was the first thing that came to mind
when I told you I was taking hormones?
- You know me, I like to learn.
What is it?
What does it mean?
Was it what you wanted?
Because I know that getting your blood drawn
or getting a shot is like Trauma 909,
it's just ridiculous.
- I told you and you were like, well,
I'm just gonna let right now you're gonna lose all
of your muscles.
That's what mom said. - Oh, I didn't say that.
- Yeah, you did.
- You're not gonna be able to exercise.
- I did.
Oh my god, I'm embarrassing.
- We all had to come from somewhere, right?
- Yeah.
- For folks who will be watching
who don't know what you mean,
when you take hormones,
you're losing muscle mass.
Physically, the strength is not the same.
We ain't but physically we do have a different strength
that way stuff that you can get used to.
- Right.
- Ivy to your mother.
- Do I have a good taste when it comes to dating?
Who have you hated that I've dated?
- So I've only met one.
- You can drink.
- Drink?
(chuckling)
Are your pits sweating?
- Partners or are you talking just daily?
- However you see it fit.
Sure.
- I just feel like Zora needs
to leave the white people alone.
(laughing)
They aint nothing but trouble.
- And the same to you.
- Don't work that way.
It don't work that way.
(laughing)
- I only know of one.
It felt like, and this may sound bad,
it's like you were dating your daddy.
You were trying to be taken care of
and we were the same age.
Which was scary.
Yeah, that was my feeling on the inside of my head.
- Tell me about your last hookup.
Was it good?
- Oh, no, you see this right here?
- Yeah.
(screaming) - Come on Zoe.
Come on. (laughing)
- I'm not, I'm not.
- I will definitely drink on that one.
(laughing)
- Like details?
- I don't need a lot of details.
- I'll drink you don't need
to know the good or bad that happened.
- Oh Lord.
What's the best sex advice you can give me?
- Let's take a drink on that.
(laughing)
- Have it with someone
who you actually really like.
You can have it with someone who's pretty
or gives you a good time.
But I think there's something about rolling over
and talking a little bit when you're done.
Far better than watching somebody back walking out the room.
- That's real.
That speaks to me.
Ouch.
Cause I aint got that.
- Is there anything about being a woman
that you learn from me?
Oh, that's a good question.
- You've taught me so much strength.
I feel like.
- I'm glad that you equivocate strength to being a woman.
- Hmm, especially with being a black woman
'cause this world, will just try and chew you up
and spit you out.
And it's still trying
and you never let it ,ever.
- You've definitely taught me how to be a strong woman
from a very young age.
I always have you like that pinnacle Superwoman.
- I feel like society doesn't have love
for African American women.
And I want you to just to have
that strength just to just deal with it head on,
and then keep on moving through life.
- Have you ever had violence directed at you
because you're trans?
- On the daily.
Sometimes it's minor, sometimes it's major.
- Every trans woman knows the fear
of some deep voice man being like,
oh, what is that?
Literally you know when you hear that,
it's about to be some bullshit.
- There was these Russian white women with their kids,
and they tried to start saying shit,
I don't even know what that is.
And bla bla bla,
and so I walked over to these bitches
and I took this napkin and I blew my nose on it
and I slammed it on the table and I said,
I hope you choke on it you fascist motherfuckers
and then I walked out.
(laughing)
- Good for you.
- Absolutely Zahra.
- Dad have you ever stood up for me
when someone wasn't speaking well of me?
- Yeah, was more an opportunity where I asked questions.
We ask people questions,
and you get them to challenge their own assumptions.
It turns out better and I think they learn more.
- I don't play about my children.
So no one would ever even feel comfortable
speaking about mine.
So you're crazy at me at Walmart,
it's about to be a showdown.
I'm telling you,
it's gonna be posted somewhere
because I'm gonna cut the motherfucking fool,
I promise you that.
(laughing)
- Do you worry about my safety as a Black trans woman?
- I always always worry
about violent, sick, psychotic assholes
who try to take out their own insecurities
on black trans women.
They're every fucking where.
- And when I see those things online,
I'm like,
that could have been my baby,
somebody could have pushed my baby down or...
Every day, I worry every day, every single day.
- It's important for people to see
that it's not just the trans women that
are affected by the violence and the hatred and the murders,
it's their families and the people that are close to them.
I know that I am scared to death sometimes
to walk outside.
I can't even imagine how you feel.
- Dad, are you happy or proud of my career choice?
- Yeah, I am.
It's impressive what you do.
- What do you do Elle?
- I work for Ingersoll,
which is a fully Trans by and for organization,
Also a part of the black trans task force along
with Randy providing economic justice,
healthcare access, community connections.
- You're making a difference.
And yeah, I'm really proud of that.
- Ivy is an amazing writer.
Does video production.
Yeah, she's amazing.
I'm very proud of everything that Ivy does.
- Zora is working longshore, I'm a longshoreman.
It's a tough thing to break into
and I have to first give Zora her props because she
is the first black transgender person
to come and work at the port.
- So I'm super proud of her.
- Ivy, how can I support you through this time?
- Just always be in a position and a head space
to have conversations whether they are difficult or not.
I feel that there's comfort to come out of discomfort
and we are a testament to that.
- I know that the raised experience
is very different,
but take into account those same questions that you
asked my sisters, ask me, it really does help
when you're proactive
and when you're like how's Elle doing?
- I'm just now kind of getting back into the groove
of working
and going back to work is the most stressful thing
I've ever done in my life.
Getting misgendered every day.
- All day.
- Dealing with all that on top
of a job that's already incredibly difficult.
Please be patient with me 'cause this
is taking a toll on every single thing
in my life right now.
- What advice do you have for other parents of trans kids?
- The number one thing you need to remember is,
this is still my child.
I love my child.
And my child's been operating at whatever percent, 10%.
I want my child to be whole
and everything else is gonna fall into place.
- It's okay not to know things unless this
is your second, third or fourth trans child.
(laughing)
You probably got something to learn.
Just ask questions, get exposure to things.
- I'm telling you that the strength
that your child has to be who they are
and to come to you with it
is the biggest compliment you will ever have.
- Hi everyone.
I am your director Randy Ford.
And I just wanna leave you all
with a little note that's very important and dear to me
is to understand that all of these relationships
are just examples and not the norm.
Not every black trans woman or black trans person has
this relationship dynamic with their parents.
The lack of family is one of the leading causes
to the violence that is happening.
Make sure you donate
to your local black trans-led organizations.
If there are none around you find out why that is,
and get those resources out there
because I assure you there are black trans people
and trans people in general around you
that you don't even know exist.