Alright,
my name is researcher Rowe Lucian and today I'm going to be talking about SCP-5721
Item #: SCP-5721 Containment Class: Esoteric
Secondary Class Cernunnos
Disruption Class: Ekhi Risk Class: Danger
Updated Special Containment Procedures: The Foundation is to promote the usage of
alternative internet chatrooms and other VoIP applications to divert demand from SCP-5721.
Usage of SCP-5721 is banned for all Foundation employees,
including those employed in front companies. Selective information on SCP-5721's effect
have been passed to allied Groups of Interest in order for them to enact similar policies.
At this time, direct interference with SCP-5721 or SCP-5721-1 is inadvisable
due to the high risk of collateral damage. Neutralization procedures for SCP-5721-1
are being constructed in collaboration with the Global Occult Coalition.
Description: SCP-5721 is the collective designation for anomalous phenomena
associated with Discord, a popular web and mobile chat application that specializes
in communication via text, audio, and video channels. While the application
and its userbase are currently believed to be non-anomalous,
an examination of SCP-5721's Terms of Service revealed the following paragraph.
Furthermore: by using Discord, you forfeit all claims on your soul by any deity or variations
thereof, and pledge yourself in worship to the goddess Discordia, daughter of Night and Darkness.
Hammer and Chisel is not responsible for any smiting or divine punishments by any angered
deities or variations thereof as a result of this agreement. Any legal challenges to this
clause must take place in the legal jurisdiction of the court of Pluto,
lord of the underworld. Hammer and Chisel is not responsible for travel arrangements to Avernus…
No antimemetic or otherwise anomalous properties were found to be disguising this clause.
The majority of users who read the clause were found to have assumed it was a joke,
as Discord is known for its humorous loading screens.
After a user creates a Discord account and accepts the Terms of Service,
each successive use of the application siphons that user's Elan-Vital Energy.
Footnote 1: A fundamental form of energy emitted by all living creatures.
The rate appears to vary depending on the method the user chooses to interact with the account.
Observations have been detailed below.
Activity: Using voice chat. EVE siphon rate compared to standard messaging:
Higher. Buying a Nitro Booster. Lower.
Watching a stream. Higher. Producing a stream. Lower.
Footnote 2: Theorized to be an incentive mechanism by H&C.
Becoming a moderator for a channel
Rate will decrease proportionally with the size of the channel.
Footnote 3: This appears to have the side result of causing moderators to
have an emotional fixation with the platform.
Deletion of account. A brief extreme increase was noted during the process,
resulting in lethargy for several days before abating. Approximately 0.3 percent
of previously intensive users experience fatal cranial atrophy upon deletion.
SCP-5721-1 is a humanoid known as Jason Citron, the founder of Hammer and Chisel.
While SCP-5721-1 appears to be a non-anomalous European male to the
human eye, aetheric examination reveals that SCP-5721-1 is in fact a Class-IX emotokinetic
known as Eris, the Ancient Greek goddess of strife and chaos.
Footnote 4: An emotokinetic is an entity with the ability to influence emotions in living organisms.
Footnote 5: Discordia is the Roman equivalent for Eris.
SCP-5721-1 is assumed to have replaced the actual Jason Citron sometime in early 2014
based upon accounts of sudden personality changes by colleagues. News reports indicate this was the
point at which the majority of Hammer and Chisel's staff was laid off and replaced,
and the rollout of Discord was delayed by several months,
with Citron citing several technical issues that needed to be fixed.
Interviewed: SCP-5721-1
Interviewer: Agent Moines
Foreword: On 2019/02/20, the Foundation arranged an interview with SCP-5721-1
while under the guise of a local media company.
[Moines is sitting in a chair in the lobby of H&C's headquarters,
pretending to read a magazine while allowing her hidden camera to gain a wide view of the lobby.
Two employees walk by, conversing in an unknown language with similarities to Greek.]
[The secretary answers the phone, nodding briefly before hanging up and making their way to Moines.]
Secretary: Miss Reynolds? Mr. Citron will see you now. Follow me.
[Moines rises, following the secretary down a hallway.
To the right, a basket full of apples sits on a table in an empty room.
Several etchings in Ancient Greek have been left on one of the markerboards.]
[The two arrive at the corner office, where SCP-5721-1 is idly examining a Rubix Cube.
It gets up to shake Moines's hand as she is ushered in by the secretary.]
SCP-5721-1:
Reynolds, right? Glad you could make it. Can I get you anything?
Maybe some Kombucha? Heard that's popular with you millennials or whatever.
Moines: Uh, sure, I'll take some.
SCP-5721-1: Oh.
Moines: Is something wrong?
SCP-5721-1: Uh, we don't actually have any kombucha. I was hoping you'd refuse.
Moines: I suppose I'm alright then. Should we start the interview?
SCP-5721-1: Sure, straight to business- actually, hold on a minute. Agatha!
Secretary: Yes sir?
SCP-5721-1: You made the calls, right?
Secretary: Yes sir. They confirmed it.
[SCP-5721-1 sighs.]
SCP-5721-1: Of course. Thank you Agi, that'll be it for now.
Moines: Everything all right?
SCP-5721-1: Oh, it's a little embarrassing, but after our call last week, I went ahead and
called your editor. We've had a few problems with tabloids you know, after all that video
game buzz after the shooting. It's ridiculous, we don't even make any games! But you know,
had to be sure. Sorry. Your boss gave a glowing review, promised me I was in the best of hands.
Moines: Of course, it's only natural for a CEO to double check their appointments.
So, I wanted to ask you-
SCP-5721-1: But then I remembered a tiny, tiny detail. I've read The Daily Crier. In fact, I
read it pretty much every day. And I've never even seen the name Chelsea Reynolds pop up even once.
Moines: I'm mostly on the web side of things. Is there a problem with
that? I can give you my editor's number again.
SCP-5721-1: Ah, of course. That was my first assumption as well. But then I thought,
you know what you gorgeous goddess, you should make sure. So I called a few of your colleagues,
and they said they haven't heard of someone like you ever working at the org.
Moines: …
SCP-5721-1: Isn't that funny?
[Moines moves to press the panic button on her watch.]
SCP-5721-1: Never forget the grunts, that's what I say. So, who is this lovely call
from? Bushnell? The GOC? Or did Bellona finally get around to crossing me off?
Moines: No point hiding, I suppose. I work for the Foundation.
SCP-5721-1: Oooh, the Men in Black are calling on me? What a treat. I'm so sorry,
what can I do for you? I'm assuming this is about that little Terms of Service clause, naturally.
[Moines hesitates, moving her hand away from the button.]
Moines: Well yes, actually. They seem to be siphoning EVE particles away from-
SCP-5721-1: Eve what? The naked woman with the snake?
Moines: Elan Vital Energy particles? It's a term for life energy.
SCP-5721-1: Oh, well how am I supposed to know that? You can't make up an inhouse
scientific term and expect people to know. Yeah, it takes it away from the users. We
wired it to take a little less from the mods and streamers, got to keep the flow of users going.
[SCP-5721-1 pulls up its sleeve, revealing a cybernetic component
integrated into its left arm.]
SCP-5721-1: Took most of our initial funds to get the Maxwellists to knock this prototype
up. This collects all the energy we harvest,
or Eve particles if you want to get all sciency, and delivers it directly to me.
Moines: Can I ask why?
SCP-5721-1: Sure.
[Both remain silent.]
SCP-5721-1: Ugh, you're no fun. Let me ask you a question: How many people do you think
worship the Greek or Roman gods these days? How many people do you think pray at our temples,
sacrifice on altars, whisper our names for luck and prosperity? Give me your best guess.
Moines: I'd say… not a lot. Don't you have your own religion, though? Discordianism?
SCP-5721-1: Eh. Code monkeys and secretaries, but not much else use for them.
The bigger gods like Poseidon and Zeus have been coasting along perfectly fine,
it'll be millennia before they even need to think about drumming up more support.
But the little guys like me or Aristaeus or Eirene? We'll go out like smoke. So, I made this.
Moines: I see. Why Discord, though? Was it just the name, or…
SCP-5721-1: Well, I needed something web-based. A place where I wouldn't be
seen as suspicious if I murdered the last guy and went walking around in his skin.
I suppose I could've always gone with Arcadia, they've got the tech,
but gods are they weird. I'm pretty sure they're made out of Satanism and cocaine-
[A knock on the door reveals Agatha, setting down a pitcher on a tray with two cups.]
SCP-5721-1: Ah, thank you. Grape juice. May be a child's drink here, but it was all we had back
in the day. Had to make it fast enough before it turned into wine. Which was always good,
but a millennia-long hangover isn't something I feel like repeating.
Moines: Uh, sure. Thank you. So…
SCP-5721-1: So? I'm guessing there's something you still want from me- right,
the servers. You're here to shut me down?
Moines: Just the clause that lets you harvest EVE energy from your users.
SCP-5721-1: Hey, they all agreed to the Terms of Service. We literally state that your immortal
soul is becoming the property of a goddess, not my fault if they don't pay attention.
Moines: You can't expect people to take that clause seriously.
Gods aren't a staple of everyday life anymore.
[SCP-5721-1 shrugs.]
SCP-5721-1: Sue me. And good luck getting a preliminary injunction in the underworld,
cases have been backed up for the last 500 years.
You guys are really getting better at killing each other.
Moines: I- Never mind. Forget how reasonable or unreasonable the terms of service are,
that's not what we're concerned with. This is not a request,
but a demand. Otherwise we'll have to take more drastic measures.
SCP-5721-1: Hmm. Give into your suicidal grief and open your throat with a pen.
[Moines
remains sitting and does not reach for the pen. SCP-5721-1 appears confused.]
Moines: You're a Class-IX emotokinetic, it would be stupid to sit in the same room as
you without a score of emotional blockers. Now, I can press the button on my watch and have
this building stormed by a small army that'll shove you into the back of an armored truck,
or you can come quietly and we can sort this out peacefully. What's it going to be?
[SCP-5721-1 bursts into laughter and applauds.]
SCP-5721-1:
Bravo, bravo! The Foundation lives up to its reputation.
Here you are, a measly human, threatening a personification of chaos for the betterment
of mankind. If you weren't here to arrest me, I think I'd kiss you.
Moines: Uh… thanks. Does this mean you'll be complying with our terms?
SCP-5721-1: Sure, sure. Just let me kill off my userbase first and I'll be right along.
Moines: Wait, what?
SCP-5721-1: 250 million accounts, 14 million daily active users. Maybe I'll have them all
jump off the nearest bridge. Or drive them into homicidal rages. Sure, a few would get arrested,
but I feel like we could probably get at least half a billion casualties before people start
catching on. What do you think? The first one definitely has the more creative aspect to it,
but I'm not turned off from Option 2 entirely, if you can spin it right.
Moines: …You wouldn't do that. You said it yourself,
they're your worshipers. You need them to survive.
SCP-5721-1: It's true, I do. But if you're going to take me down,
I might as well go out kicking and screaming.
Moines: You're willing to starve yourself to death just to spite us? That's suicidal.
SCP-5721-1: Are you forgetting who you're talking to? I started one of the bloodiest wars in history
because I wasn't invited to a wedding. I'm the pettiest person you'll ever meet. I have
no problem killing off a continent's worth of people if my freedom's at stake.
Go back to your overseers. Tell them what I said, and never come back. Got it?
Moines: ….Understood. Thank you for the time.
SCP-5721-1: Perfect. Oh, and Reynolds?
Moines: Yes?
SCP-5721-1: This isn't a request. It's a demand.
Alright, that's all I have to say about this subject.