Does my ex want to be friends or more?
That's what I'm going to be talking about in this video.
But first, my name is Clay with Modern Love.life where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you deserve to be loved for who you are.
And if you agree with me and you like what we're doing here, support this channel by
hitting that thumbs up button.
And if you're new, you might want to think about subscribing to the channel while you're
down there.
All right, so let's go ahead and talk about whether or not your ex wants to be friends
or something more.
Now this can be a little bit of a mind blowing event for some people.
But let's talk about this.
Your ex probably doesn't know how the two of you are going to fit together after your
breakup.
They don't know exactly how it's going to be.
Sure some people, they just want nothing to do with their acts after the break of they
want to move on.
Totally.
But if you're watching this video, that's probably not you.
You clicked on this video because of the title of the video and all that.
Your ex is probably at least kind of warm towards you, but maybe also kind of giving
you some distance, creating some distance between the two of you and you're kind of
wondering what's going on?
Do they want to be friends?
Are they interested in something more?
What's happening here?
And the truth is, is that they probably don't know.
They don't know if they want to be friends, They don't know if they want something more,
they don't know how the two of you are going to fit together.
Now I know that a lot of people would probably at this point say, okay, I'm going to let
them decide.
What can I do to help them figure out what they want?
What can I do to give them space so they can figure out whether they want to get back together
or not.
And the truth is, is that your ex probably isn't going to make this decision on their
own.
They're going to need more input from you in order to actually start to make this decision.
That is to say they're going to have to interact with you to see if they enjoy interacting
with you.
If they don't enjoy interacting with you or those are basically the factors that are going
to determine whether the two of you come closer together or further apart.
Now, I've talked about this before in other videos, but you don't have to worry about
the friend zone with your ex.
If this is a new concept to you, we've talked about this before, but if this is a new concept
to you, check out this video up here in the video card in the corner, but you don't have
to worry about your ex friend zoning you.
Assuming you've had an actual romantic relationship or you've been intimate, you've kissed, you've
done things that couples have done and all that, you don't have to worry about the friend
zone, barring any kind of like very major personality changes, physical changes, things
like that.
Okay?
I've never actually experienced a client whose ex has just been like, yeah, I feel absolutely
nothing towards you.
It's just mostly due to emotional blocks that are happening.
But anyway, that's a topic for another day.
Your ex feels attracted to you, but if you're not sure if they want to just kind of keep
you in their life in some sort of non relationship way or if they want to actually get back together
and have something more, then you really need to understand the kind of relationships and
the kind of dynamics that are at play here.
So there's two forces, right?
There's the side of things we're interacting with you feels good.
That feels good.
The two of you obviously have some degree of ability to connect and to bond and to get
close to one another and all of that stuff.
Otherwise, you would've never been in a relationship.
You probably have some good memories with one another.
You probably have some shared experiences, things of that nature.
And so it makes sense that there would be some good aspect that would draw them in and
make them want to get closer to you.
But the two of you also did break up and I don't know what the specifics were.
I don't know why it happened, but there's some reason why they broke up with you.
And that's probably caused by this other dynamic here on this other side of the equation, which
is things that feel bad and you can kind of boil all of the reasons why the two of you
broke up down to one common thing and that's that it felt worse to be in a relationship
with you then it did for them to think about being on their own or being in a relationship
with someone else.
You have these two forces that are pulling them in two different directions.
Sometimes they feel pulled towards you because interacting with you feels good.
Sometimes they feel pulled away from you because there are still some considerations, some
reasons that the two of you broke up and some things that could be keeping them from actually
wanting to have a relationship with you.
And so they're going to likely be stuck in this limbo of moving back and forth between
these two things unless you can increase the positive emotions and decrease or even eliminate
the negative emotions and if that's what you want to do, just focus on removing the negative
emotions that are there between the two of you.
These can take all sorts of different forms.
It could look like painful memories, hurts, unresolved things that happened before the
break up.
Maybe things that happened during the breakup, maybe in the heat of the moment you said some
things that you regret or they lashed out at you or things that happened in the heat
of the moment or things that happened after the breakup.
Maybe you were in damage control mode and you know, texting them like a million times
a day or something like that.
These are things that can kind of add to the negative side of the equation.
So you need to do things to clear those out.
We'll go ahead and make a video in the near future about apologizing to your ex and kind
of getting clear about all that stuff.
But that's something that you might want to think about doing if you need to clean up
some of those emotions.
And then of course you want to increase that emotions on the positive side.
These are things that cause your ex to have a great experience when the two of you are
together.
And it's not always just about laughing and fun and tickles and pillow fights and I love
you's and all that stuff.
But it's also really just about being real with one another.
We don't just want to be with somebody who's happy all the time or always has their life
put together or anything like that.
We want to be with somebody who's a real genuine person who you know, doesn't always have everything
figured out, who doesn't always have everything perfect, who doesn't always have an answer
for everything.
That's what makes us human.
And that's what makes us able to connect with one another in a great, effective sort of
way.
And so what you want to do is you want to actually look for these places within yourself
where you're not being 100% transparent, 100% vulnerable and a hundred percent honest about
who you are and you want to work at taking down these walls so that your ex can see who
you are.
They can actually see who you are as a person and connect with you and connect with the
humanity inside of you.
Because it's these rough edges that we have with us, the parts where we doubt ourselves,
the parts where we aren't sure of ourselves, the parts where we are worried or anxious
or fearful or whatever, that actually allows someone else to see themselves in us.
And that's what actually allows us to feel closer to someone else.
So it's not just about laughing and tickling and romantic things and I love using all of
that.
It can be about that for sure.
But it's also about just being able to be real with someone else.
Just as a society, we're honestly kind of starved for that authentic, genuine, real
connection.
And if you can show your ex that, then that's probably going to be something very rare for
them.
And that's probably something that they're not going to be able to get elsewhere.
And it's going to make you stand out a lot and make them want to kind of definitely move
closer towards you.
Does your ex want to be just friends or something more?
The truth is they don't know.
They're looking for something from you to give them a reason to choose one way or another.
They're looking for some reason from you to get them to stop sort of waffling back and
forth on the middle of that fence.
The question is, which side are you feeding?
Which side are you nourishing?
Which side are you giving more attention and passion and intention towards?
Are you creating worse connections by having more fights, by having more misunderstandings,
by sending the wrong messages, by being relationship focused instead of connection focused, by
making many of these other mistakes like being in damage control mode or are you nourishing
the opposite side where you're having positive interactions, where you're being more open
and vulnerable and honest with one another, where you're sharing your genuine experience
with one another, where you're building new memories with one another and all of these
sorts of things.
If you're nourishing the positive side of things, then it's very likely that you and
your ex are going to move towards the "something more" side of the equation.
If you're nourishing the negative side of things, it's very likely their ex is going
to be leaning more towards the being friends and by friends I mean, you know like, Hey,
yeah let's be friends and then you never talk to each other again, kind of friends sort
of thing.
But anyway, I hope that helps answer your question about whether or not your ex wants
to be friends or something more.
Once again, my name is Clay with ModernLove.life.
If you like what we're doing, be sure to give this video a thumbs up and subscribe the channel.
You may also want to check out this series over here on what we call advanced relational
skills to help you connect with your ex, or you may want to check out this video over
here.
Once again, thank you so much.
I hope this video has been helpful for you and I'll talk to you next time.
Take care.