Are you getting ready to go through Valentine's Day with a narcissist in your life? Well then
by the end of this video, you're going to know exactly what to expect.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung And I have been recognized as one of the top attorneys in the country,
and I've written a couple of bestselling books. And most importantly for you, I help people
get out of relationships, whether they're business or personal who are dealing with
narcissists, who are dealing with difficult people, toxic people. And I help you do it
in a super strategic way that helps you create leverage and actually anticipate what it is
that they're going to do so that you can be two steps ahead of them. And I give you the
resources to do that. So make sure you subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell.
So let's talk about Valentine's Day, I call it the toxic Valentine, instead of my funny
Valentine it's my toxic Valentine. Because Valentine's Day's normally a great day for
people to express their love. Whether it's a romantic person or maybe you're just sending
a beautiful Valentine's Day card to your children or your parents or your best friend or whoever
it is that means something to you and your life. Then Valentine's Day is a beautiful
day to remember that and express that. Well, it's quite the opposite when you're
dealing with a narcissist, because they feel intimidated by that, they feel threatened
by it, they don't like holidays, they don't like birthdays. And if you want to know more
about how narcissists handle holidays check out my video on why narcissists hate holidays,
and we'll make sure to put a link to that below as well. But basically they don't like
holidays because it's an opportunity that other people will get attention, other than
them, which is not acceptable to a narcissist. To a narcissist you're supposed to be a hundred
percent for them and it's this black hole that you're constantly trying to fill and
constantly putting deposits into and you never get to take anything out of it. So you feel
that constantly run down and like you're sucked dry, that's why they're called energy vampires
because they literally drain the life out of you. They suck as much out of you as they
possibly can in order to get that narcissistic supply.
Really what's happening on Valentine's Day is a microcosm of what's going on all the
time in a narcissistic relationship, which is that they can't express love, they don't
want to have to do that, they don't want to have to give to anyone else because they feel
very empty inside. I've often said that they're like that hello chocolate Easter bunny that's
like totally empty inside, but they look nice on the outside.
So there's a couple of different things going on for Valentine's Day. Now, if you are still
in a relationship with a narcissist, then if you're still in the love bombing phase
then it may end up being a great Valentine's Day for you. You know, at that point, they
may be bringing you the flowers or they may be doing all kinds of nice things for you.
If you're a man or if you're a woman, it really doesn't matter, they still might be doing
something nice for you. It may end up being a great Valentine's because normally during
the love bomb phase, they're just over the top wonderful. So that may be one place that
you're in. Or if you are past the love bomb stage, where
it's like the initial love bomb stage, and you're in a relationship with a narcissist
then you might start to see things like the silent treatment. They get really angry if
you were wanting something. I mean, one of the things that narcissists really, really
hate is being forced to do something, they don't want to have to feel obligated. I remember
that one of the narcissist that I had to deal with in my life used to say you can't ask
for anything, you have to wait for the offer. And I remember thinking like, but how are
you going to know what it is that we want if we can't ask for it, send out smoke signals,
drop hints, offer to do something. It was like the strangest thing, but that is how
narcissists are. They don't want to have to feel obligated. So one of the things they
really don't like about holidays is they don't like the fact that they are obligated now
to have to do something. So right away before the holiday starts up, they start creating
drama, creating problems because they don't want to have to do something for the other
person for Valentine's Day. They don't want to have to shower you with attention and gifts
and all of that, because that means that they're not getting it. So that's one of the things
that you can expect. The other thing is that it's a great opportunity
for them to devalue you and so they'll take that opportunity to maybe get you something
less than what you expected or something that's kind of like a hidden dig. If you want to
know more about narcissistic gift giving because they are just so lovely when it comes to gifts,
go check out my video on narcissistic gift giving because it's quite something when it
comes to gifts. So you can expect that the gifts that you're going to be getting on Valentine's
Day are probably not exactly what you wanted, or maybe it's some sort of a dig, or maybe
it's going to be late or something wrapped up in that. So these are all things that if
you're still in the relationship with that narcissistic then you might see some of these
things. Something else that they do as being passive
aggressive. So maybe they wait until the last second to make the dinner reservation, or
maybe they forget to do it at all. Or maybe they make the dinner reservation at their
favorite restaurant instead of yours. And so there's like this little subtle dig, this
little subtle reminder of how little value you have to them. So those are all the things
that you might see if you're still in a relationship with that narcissistic on Valentine's Day.
And if you think that is so toxic, give me a toxic in the comments right now.
Okay. So now what might happen if you are no longer in a relationship with a narcissist
and it's Valentine's Day. So what they may end up doing at that point is triangulating.
So now you're seeing them with someone else. So now maybe on social media, or maybe you
hear through the grapevine that they took someone else out for dinner or went to dinner
with someone else or spent time with this other person on Valentine's Day. Or maybe
they want you to see like how much they received from all these other people and look at you,
you didn't get that. So they might take the opportunity to post all kinds of stuff on
social media. Or maybe they're thanking all these people on social media and saying, I
love you and I love you, Johnny. And I love you, Mary, and I love you, but they make sure
not to say your name so that you feel left out. And you're sitting there like, hey I
did more for you than anyone else ever did, but there that person is because they want
to take that opportunity to nag you and grate on you and devalue you in some way.
So those are some of the things that you might see. The other thing that you might actually
see is some love bombing. It might be an opportunity for them to come back and what we call hoover,
and if you want to know more about hoovering, check out my video on that. But they might
come back and just start like, oh, come on. It's Valentine's Day. We've always gotten
along and we can do this. Especially if they're starting to see that you're making some headway,
maybe against them, if you have a case against them in some way. If they're starting to see
that you're actually gaining some traction, then that might be a good time to come back
and start hoovering a little bit and get you away from your lawyer or get you away from
the idea of whatever it is that you're doing and try to control the situation by getting
you back into their web, into their layer and snaring you again. So you might see some
hoovering going on there as well. If you are no longer in a relationship with
them, which you might also see if you are trying to move on and you're trying to have
a nice day or dinner or something with someone else, that's when they're going to come back
control you, harass you, maybe stalk you, especially the malignant narcissist says they
might try to do some of that sort of thing too. It's all extremely toxic, which is why
I call it my toxic Valentine. They are very toxic in general. So it's only going to be
worse on a day that's dedicated to love, which is a feeling and emotion that they really
don't completely understand. They want to be participating in love, but they just don't
know how to do that in a healthy, normal person way.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissistic, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, and come join me in my free private Facebook group
called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung as well. If you liked this video, make
sure you like it, and you share it if others are dealing with a toxic narcissistic and
also drop me a comment, give me that toxic. And if you haven't subscribed to my channel,
now's a great time to do that. Subscribe and hit the notification bell.
I'm so glad that you were here. I'm so glad that you're part of my community. Make sure
that you stick with us, utilize the free resources we're here to support you. And remember, today
is a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.