Boy, this game's right in my wheelhouse.
It's easy, so I can actually play it.
It's set in Hell, so it's like I have home-field advantage.
One of my favorite albums of all-time is called Painkiller.
And this game is called Painkiller.
Subtitled "Hell and Damnation."
Might as well call it, "Derek's gonna love this freaking thing."
If the name sounds familiar, that's because there
was a PC game called Painkiller released back in 2004.
It was ported to the Xbox in 2006, and now it's getting the HD treatment on the Xbox
360.
Hell and Damnation is half remake, half sequel...all retro.
This thing just screams old-school shooter.
We're talking pre-GoldenEye, too.
It's, like...if you could actually aim in Doom, and the graphics were in HD.
That's basically Painkiller: Hell and Damnation.
For better and worse.
So there is a story.
You play as a dead guy who says he's stuck somewhere between heaven and hell, but then
talks about being in hell.
Because consistency.
Anyway, he's evidently a badass, because the Angel of Death wants rid of him.
So the two make a deal.
If Daniel can harvest 7,000 souls, he gets to go see his wife.
And of course, harvesting souls means destroying little old ladies.
You're, like, osteoporosis with a gun.
Actually, that would make way more sense than the story actually does.
It's just an excuse to kill monsters, really.
And the voice acting is terrible.
But what's important is the monster-killing part.
And fortunately, it's everything it tries to be in Painkiller.
As a retro shooter, this game succeeds.
But if big, empty environments and repetitive gameplay aren't your thing, well...you will
passionately disagree.
Also, you probably shouldn't play Doom.
As for me, I had a blast with this game.
It really does take you back to the formative years of the first-person shooter...before
it became the monster that's swallowed the entire industry.
Back then, you had ridiculous weapons, hidden rooms and some manner of hellspawn to eradicate.
Painkiller has all these things.
It also has a gun that shoots saw blades and decapitates demons.
If you're not at least slightly interested...why are you even here?
So the weapons are great.
The enemies are cool, and diverse.
The only problem is that...Painkiller might be too old-school.
Like, it has all the good stuff, but also all the bad stuff.
Like those environments.
Big, open, boring.
The levels have some cool visuals, but...in terms of the design?
Not great.
And there's also a mechanic where...if you collect a certain amount of souls, you can
turn into this badass demon.
But it's an instant power-up.
Like, you can't store it.
So if you happen to get it after an enemy ambush...it just goes to waste.
Little things like that would be ironed out in more modern shooters, but...Painkiller's
allegiance to the old-school is unwavering.
And in some ways, that hurts it.
There are some issues with polish, but honestly, Painkiller's flaws are mostly due to antiquated
design.
And if you're okay with that design, you'll have a great time with this game.
I did.
And it's not because it's, like, an interactive Slayer song.
The enemies are awesome, the weapons are fun...and for what it is, so is Painkiller.
Simple, old-school, fun.
With giant demons.
Old-school fun with giant demons.