(Nah, mate. All bangers and mash.)
(Yeah.)
Brilliant.
Mmm.
Nah, mate. He had spaff all over his quiff.
It was mental.
Alright. Uhh... nob and bob.
Tosser.
Gavin. Why are you sitting at my desk?
Oh, I was just leaving you a note.
It looks like you're leaving me A LOT of notes.
Oh, yeah. Actually these aren't from me, but I DID read them.
This one begins, "extremely private and confidential".
Wanna hear it? Sounds juicy, doesn't it?
What does it say?
It says, "Dear Gus, I accidentally crashed your solar-powered house boat...
My bad...
Matt."
What?
I don't even own a house boat.
Oh well, here's something earlier in the day...
"Dear Gus, ...
in order...
to buy...
my...
Really?
Well they're not the full sized ones!
solar powered...
house boat...
I liquidated...
your...
My what?
Ah.
401K retirement account...
YOLO...
Burnie."
What!?
Son of a bitch!
There's actually some notes here from Joel and Geoff too...
*sigh* What did they say?
Nothing, actually.
Just doodles of penises, but some of the penises have a happy face.
Ah.
Look at that one!
You know what? Fuck this place.
Fuck those guys.
I'm done, dude! I'm done!
I can't handle it!
- Enough with the dicks! - What?
Don't you want to know what my note was?
Also a picture of a penis.
But with a frowny face for drama!
*frowny face for drama*
God damn it!
Fuckers!
*door squeak*
Ah, fuck it.
(I'm going to steal Matt's car.)
*whoosh*
*whomp*
*flip*
*click*
*engine startup*
*beep*
*boop*
*volume increases*
*Jetsons hovercar sound*
Every single day I'll be talking that shit!
Mother fuckers I don't have to see anymore...
So fuck-
*bump*
What was that?
Do I have a flat tire?
Do Priuses have tires?
Shit.
I never learned how to change a flat tire!
... and it's getting dark...
... and I'm hungry...
... are there wolves in this part of town!?
What if I starve to death while I'm eaten by wolves?
Oh the irony!
*sobbing*
*sobbing* I'm gonna die...
(Hey there, buddy. Uh, everything ok?)
(You look like you could need some help, and- )
Geoff?
Gus?
Is that you?
What're you doing out here?
Well, I was driving by and...
I saw somebody in trouble, so I wanted to help but...
Fuck. I didn't know it was going to be YOU.
Well, luckily...
I have my tire iron.
Really? You'll help me fix my flat tire?
No.
I'm gonna beat you to death with it.
I'm really pissed off about the house boat thing, Gus!
And since there's nobody around for miles...
I'm gonna bash your skull!
No, no! You don't understand, man!
The house boat wasn't even mine!
Come on!
Cheese it! The cops!
Man! Of all days to steal Matt's drug-filled car!
(Well, well, well...)
Look at what we have ourselves here...
Couple of weisenheimers, huh?
Weisenheimers, yeah. That's right.
*tire iron clank*
You know what 'weisenheimer' is German for?
"Criminal."
Joel?
Burnie?
That's "special detective and his lovely assistant Joel and Burnie" to you...
knuckleheads.
"Knuckleheads!"
Which is German for "French".
You're under arrest!
For misdemeanor-grand theft auto!
Which is battery-assault-felony-loitering here in this county!
*sigh*
I'm pretty sure that's not a felony, genius.
I don't think you know what you're talking about there, 'Ein-stein'...
Yeah? Well... I don't think you're a real cop, asshole!
Yeah? Well we don't think YOU'RE a real cop!
- I'm not... - Well, we're NOT cops...
You wanna go!?
Let's go!
*indiscriminate screaming, yelling, etc.*
*gunshot*
*more yelling and gunshots*
*muffled* (Stop fighting! Stop fighting!)
*muffled* (I'm over here!)
Matt?
Hey.
Stupid fuckfaces...
Matt? What're you doing down there?
You ran me over with my own car, you dick!
I thought you were a flat tire!
Man... how ironic.
No. It's NOT ironic.
You're just an asshole!
Listen...
As I lay here dying...
I realized something...
Something important...
Is this a 'coming out' speech?
No, dumbass!
I realized there's...
*groan*
We're never better...
than when we're all together...
You know, we may fight...
stab each other in the back...
or murder each other with tire irons...
or run each other over and not give a fuck...
or destroy each other's house boats and then-
or cut each other off during dialogue...
Ju- shut up!
Ok!?
Listen!
I know things are never going to be the same as they were before we all hated each other...
but that's ok!
What matters is that...
we hate each other...
as a family.
(Because...)
Nobody's better at hating us...
than we are.
Hey are, uh...
Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?
Yeah.
Yeah!
Time to put him out his misery.
Sorry, Matt.
- Ah! - Hold still.
- No, no! - Sorry.
Wait.
He is making a good point.
If we're going to hate each other, we may as well put it to good use.
Yeah!
So you deadbeat losers really ready to do this? You wanna work together again?
I'm in.
Me too.
Pass.
No passing?
Alright, you know what? Let's do it! Let's get the band back together! Come on, guys!
- Yeah! - Yeah! - High fives! - I don't remember playing an instrument.
I'll- I'll get you later.
Well, I guess it's a good thing we never left the office...
Yeah. I really thought I drove a lot further than that.
- Alright, guys! Hop in! Let's do it! Right now! - Let's do it.
- No time like the present, right? - No time like the present...
- (Where are we going?) - All right. Let's go.
- (The office.) - Somebody's gonna have to pull me out here...
- Is it weird that we're driving? Probably just walk? - No. Let's drive.
All right. Guys?
*engine startup*
- What's the mileage like? - Five speed... - (Guys!? No! NO!)
Agghhhahhghh!!!
Are we there yet?
- Are we there yet? - Joel...
- Joel... - Are we there yet?
Don't make me turn this car around!
How about now?
GOD DAMN IT!