In this video, I'm going to explain how you can get rid of a fear of failure. Now, if
you'd like to know a little bit more about what a fear of failure is, whether or not
that's what you're struggling with, and where that type of fear comes from, you can watch
my previous video, 'Do You Fear Failure?'. But, let's crack on with how to get rid of
a fear of failure. So, I'm going to show you three steps. Now,
if you practise these steps consistently, over a period of time, they will help you
to rid yourself of a fear of failure. Okay, so, let's start with step number one.
So, this involves gathering as much information as you can, so you can really get to know
your fear of failure. This begins with a little bit of monitoring. So, at the end of every
day, I want you to review your day and think about how strong your fear of failure has
been. A good time to do this is when you're brushing your teeth because you've got about
two or three minutes there of dead time where you can properly think about how your day
has been, and how strong your fear of failure has been. So, what I want you to do is I want
you to rate its strength on a scale of 0-10. 0, being no fear of failure at all, and, 10,
being the worst it could possibly be. And, I want you to do this for about a week, and
I want you to notice how your fear of failure fluctuates from day to day. I want you to
notice what makes it better, and what makes it worse—so you can really start to get
to know this fear of failure because knowing your fear of failure. Knowing as much as you
can about it puts you in the strongest position to tackle it.
Okay, so, after you have been doing this for about a week, I want you to start to jot down
exactly what it is that you are saying to yourself about failure. So, maybe, when your
fear rises above about a 5 on your rating scale, I want you to write down exactly what
you're hearing in your mind. Now, this is important in itself, because there's something
about writing it down that helps you step back a little bit from it. To kind of see
it in black and white almost enables you to start to question its accuracy, so that you're
not fully buying into it, you're not completely believing it as an absolute truth. And this,
in itself, begins to take away some of its strength, some of its influence.
Okay, the next step, step two, is to make two lists. The first list is to gather together
all the evidence, all the information that supports that belief, that fear that you've
written down on the piece of paper. And it can be anything—it doesn't matter whether
it's sensible or not. It can be, 'Well, do you know what? This is just how it feels.'
Or, it might be things that have happened to you recently, things that happened ages
ago, things that somebody has said, or something that somebody has implied. So, write it all
down. Try not to judge it; just write it all down.
Then, I want you to make a second list, gathering together all the evidence, all the information
that contradicts this fear—the fear that you will fail. And then, once you've got your
two lists, I want you to read them through, and I want you to read them through regularly,
to allow some doubt to start to creep into your mind, some doubt about this failure that
you are predicting. Then what I want you to do is I want you to imagine a really close
friend of yours, someone who you care a lot about, and I want you to imagine that they
come to you, and they're really upset because they are sharing this fear—they also fear
failure. And I want you to think about what you would say to them, what you would say
to make them feel more hopeful—more confident—and I want you to write that down. Write it down
on a piece of paper, and pop it in your pocket. Then, whenever you notice your fear of failure
rising above about a 5 again, I want you to take it out, and I want you to read it. I
want you to read it out loud, and that's really important—read it out loud, so you can hear
the words. And then I want you to ask yourself, 'Why can't I offer myself this kindness, this
understanding, this tolerance?'. Okay, third step—it's really important to
identify the origins of your fear of failure. Now, if you watched the previous video, 'Do
You Fear Failure?', you'll be aware that a fear of failure is a result of early experiences
of criticism or a lack of support and understanding and encouragement from important people in
our lives. And what these experiences do is they sow a seed of self-doubt that then blossoms
into this fear of failure. And it's really important to identify these early experiences
so that you can tether your fear of failure to them—tether them to the past so that
they stop intruding on your day-to-day. And the more you do this, the more frequently
you remember where your fear of failure comes from, and you tether it to those experiences,
the longer those experiences will stay in your past, where they belong, the less they
will intrude on your day-to-day life. The second part of this is to try and work
out why you've had these experiences—why you've been treated in this way. Now, this
is slightly trickier, and it may well be that you decide you need some therapy to help you
to do this, that you need the help of somebody who is trained to help people understand the
impact that their past has on them. But, I'm going to put a link to a really good book
in the description to this video—it's called, 'Reinventing Your Life' by Jeff Young—and
this will help you to make a start on this, it will help you to begin to understand why
you have had these experiences. Okay, now, just before we finish, I'd like
you to take a deep breath in, and, as you exhale, I'd like you to close your eyes, just
for a moment, because a fear of failure creates a lot of stress and anxiety.
So, what we're going to do for the next couple of minutes, is just try to soften that. And
I want you to do this for yourself, do something for yourself, to take care of yourself. It's
a very simple exercise; I just want you to listen to the sound of my voice and follow
these instructions. So, close your mouth, and, as you inhale, I want you to imagine
breathing in calmness and relaxation. And, as you exhale through your nose, I want you
to imagine breathing out stress and anxiety. So if we do that again, breathe in calmness
and relaxation, breathe out stress and anxiety. Breathe in calmness and relaxation, breathe
out stress and anxiety. One last time, breathe in calmness and relaxation, and breathe out stress
and anxiety. And I want you to set the intention to carry
this calmer feeling through the rest of your day, carry it with you, hold onto it for as
long as you can. Now open your eyes. I hope this was helpful, if it was,
don't forget to subscribe, and hit the notification bell.
I'd also like to invite you to join my Facebook group, 'Healing, Health, and Happiness'. It's
a safe place to talk about problems and find support and solution because there's no need
to be alone with your problems anymore. The link to join the group is in the description
to all of my YouTube videos, and you'll also find it in my bio on Instagram, '@dremmagray'.
Okay, thank you for listening, enjoy the rest of your day, and I will see you soon.