G'day, A.J. Mahari here to respond to a comment um that was left well there's been so many but um
yeah in okay so on the video i did um where was it uh
borderline awareness of ghosting can't do relationships
person responding back to another person said i know the feeling it feels kind of off when
they are talking about respect people with bp are they right um but then giving you all the blame
false hope ghosting silent treatment this and that in return like you said i've been trying the best
i could as well it hurt whenever i tried to talk about the relationship
and what we could change what we could change to make it better i just got blocked off
well personal bp depends against especially untreated they depend against
all that you're trying to accomplish there because well i'll get to that in a minute
and so then the comments that felt like it was going nowhere because the trauma-bonded
relationships that are toxic between people with untreated or not significantly treated
bpd and people's codependency aren't going anywhere that's a really harsh reality
that a lot of people with codependency spend years trying to understand you need to get
into that healing recovery process i'm here to work with you on that if i resonate with you
because otherwise you know there's a reason that it feels meaningless because i'm not saying a
whole relationship is meaningless but for what you hoped it would be for what you thought it would be
for the codependent repetition compulsions from deep within your unconscious that
relate to why you have codependency and what happened for you and your childhood
can seem pretty meaningless and yet the most meaningful aspect
of the trauma-bonded agony of the bpd relationship breakup is the opportunity inside all that pain
for people with codependency to really get into therapy heal him recover from
codependency family of origin inner child healing work self-differentiation etc and heal from the
relationship with a person with bpd who you want you might not think about it right now
but who inadvertently and unconsciously from the unconscious has given you the gift of a lifetime
won't feel like that maybe but it is an
opportunity that comes with crisis of how you can really learn what you need to learn about
what happened to you in your childhood why are you codependent
so it's not about solving the mystery of the relationship the situationship the borderline or
the narcissist it's about solving the mystery of why you have codependency and why you hurt so much
so whenever you know you would try codependence try to talk about it with the person with bpd
they'll change to another topic you get blocked off and it's going nowhere
untreated or not significantly enough treated people with bpd
their childhood trauma and repetition compulsion cycles 50 percent of the trauma bond
the codependent brings 50 of the trauma bond your childhood
trauma and your repetition compulsions and i'm not saying they're exactly the same
but this is why the relationship or situationship goes nowhere sooner or later they all go nowhere
and why it might have felt meaningless and yet now you can extract more meaning out of this
experience in therapy looking at your codependency your childhood your wounded inner child you
can make it the most meaningful experience of your life and the choice is yours are you
going to focus on you today are you going to get into therapy um i'm out here to work with you
if i resonate with you are you going to do that are you going to keep focusing on the cluster b
and obfuscating your own way forward to what it is you need to now know more about
so you can have a healthy relationship to and with yourself firstly and foremostly
and then moving through the process of healing and recovery you can then look toward getting into a
healthy relationship instead of repeating your childhood and your past it's not just all about
the borderline repeating their childhood and their past it's a 50-50 trauma bond
and um yeah the other pers to the other person yes sorry the commenter said i went no contact as soon
as she blamed me for self-harm that's where i had to put an end to it without a doubt and that they
still miss this person um shame they can't see the effort they did everything seems meaningless well
people of bpd believe it or not are putting in a lot of effort too that goes nowhere because of
they don't know themselves they're unconscious you know childhood trauma repeating itself
same thing is happening for people with codependency it might not be the same trauma
it might not be to the same degree this is why people with bpd and people with codependency
or people with npd people with codependency come together in a trauma-bonded situationship
and then each party thinks everything's about the other to some degree right but the person
with codependency is like did you know like what i'm not this person they think i am
and like i've said in other videos it's for the borderline it's object other
representation of parent that's who they're relating to for people with codependency
it's pretty darn similar to that but i won't put it in the same language but this would
overlap between bpd sorry bpd and codependency the reality is that people with codependency
whatever you think is meaningless or why couldn't the borderline just do better
insert parent instead of borderline start focusing on you get into your own recovery
family of origin your child healing work etc because that's going to bring you closure that's
going to give you the answers you need and that's how you're going to heal your pain not by going
i i mean people comment all you want and cheryl you want but not by focusing on the ex with ppd
and what they did or how hard you tried to change them and fix them or get them to understand
because as a codependent you're trying to get mom or dad to hear you see you and understand in a not
so dissimilar way as a person with borderline personality disorder is doing the same thing
or a similar thing think about it this is a crisis in your life this is painful
this is traumatizing if you have codependency but this is a golden opportunity don't let it
slide by don't continue to suffer don't continue to focus on the borderline and abandon yourself
get into therapy it's not easy difficult work but boy can you ever you know change your life
instead of focusing on what you wish could have happened what might have been what woulda coulda
it's a golden opportunity are you gonna grab it and are you gonna go for it and are you gonna
focus on yourself that's the question for each person with codependency to think about take care