The United States is facing
unprecedented problems right now:
pandemic, economic collapse, racial injustice,
and on top of all of that, Americans all over the country
are struggling to figure out
which HBO they're signed up for.
But President Trump is laser-focused
on the most important issue of all: bath time.
The Department of Energy has taken it upon itself
to propose a new rule that would essentially
increase the maximum flow
of showerheads.
And this comes after the president just last week
complained about this issue during a tour
of the Whirlpool manufacturing plant in Ohio.
Listen to this.
You go into a new home, you turn on the faucet,
no water comes out.
You turn on the shower...
If you're like me, you can't wash
-your beautiful hair properly. -(crowd laughs)
-You waste 20 minutes longer. -(applause)
Please. Come out, the water, it drips.
Right? You know what I'm talking...
They put restrictors on it.
I dot rid of that. I signed it out.
Yes, while some of us get our best ideas in the shower,
Trump gets his only ideas about showers.
I mean, we laugh, but what if this whole time
low-flow showerheads really were the reason
that Trump's hair is so weird.
I'm not gonna lie, I don't think I'm prepared
to see Trump coming out looking like
a dehydrated Dolly Parton.
But this is what's so frustrating about Donald Trump,
is that he can get stuff done,
it's just that he only cares enough to do it
if it affects him personally.
So America's best hope for beating coronavirus
is if Trump thinks that one of his kids might get it.
No, one of the kids he likes.
And by the way,
I... I just don't want to think about Trump in the shower.
You know? It's like hearing your grandma
complain about all the ads on Pornhub.
No, Mee-Maw! Now that's in my head.
Let's move on to the United Kingdom:
Westeros with electricity.
In the wake of Covid-19, their economy
has been one the hardest-hit in the world,
with their GDP plummeting 20%.
But in classic British fashion,
they are keeping calm and carrying on.
The U.K.'s first major outdoor concert
is offering, maybe, a glimpse of the future.
Take a look at this. Sam Fender performed
for 2,500 people in person
at the Virgin Money Unity Arena in Newcastle this week.
The venue was sectioned off into small groups, letting fans
rock together without getting too close to other groups.
The outdoor setup includes 500 separate seating sections
with metal fences, which are for groups of five
to attend and watch the show.
Tickets reportedly sold out immediately.
Yo, massive props to the U.K.
for figuring out how to do concerts
in the age of corona.
'Cause I don't care what you say, that is awesome.
Although I will say the mosh pit just
didn't have the same energy. Got to figure that out.
But still, this is the best way
to keep socially distant at a concert.
I mean, it's either this or going to see Lou Bega perform.
I mean, there's plenty of elbow room either way.
If fact, this is how all concerts should be from now on.
Even after coronavirus is over, this is the future.
Although I bet there's still gonna be that one asshole
blocking everyone's view of the stage
by carrying his girlfriend on his soldiers.
That doesn't need to be a thing, it needs to be banned.
It doesn't just ruin the concert for people who can't see,
it also discriminates against us guys
who lack the upper body strength to carry our girls.
Not everyone has traps, okay?
So concerts might be coming back, which is really good news.
And here's some more good news from overseas.
Countries in the Southern Hemisphere
are now well into their annual flu season.
But it turns out that because people have been
social distancing and wearing masks for coronavirus,
they're basically stopping the flu as well.
So they got two benefits for the price of one.
You know? It's like how you stopped vaping to be healthier
and then you get the added benefit
of no longer looking like a douchebag.
Now, there's no guarantee that this will happen everywhere,
but this could be great news for countries
in the northern part of the world
when their flu season hits in November.
Although that only happens if people are
taking the necessary corona precautions.
And it looks like, in America, people might be
dealing with corona season, flu season
and idiot season.
REPORTER: The new mask showdown in the Sunshine State.
A Florida sheriff is banning his deputies and visitors
to his office from wearing face coverings.
REPORTER 2: In his order, he mandates the 900 deputies
and staff on his force not cover their faces
for routine work, saying, in part...
REPORTER 3: And it's not just deputies. The sheriff
in Marion County, Florida says anyone from the public
who goes inside the sheriff's office
must also remove their masks.
Okay, this is batshit crazy.
A sheriff in Florida is banning his deputies
and anyone entering the sheriff's office
from wearing a mask.
Like, I thought the police's top priority
was supposed to be keeping people safe.
But I guess wearing a mask gets in the way
of their actual priority:
showing off their sweet pornstaches.
I mean, you've almost got to admire
the balls on this sheriff. Everyone is protesting
against police shootings and he's like,
"I hear your demands. From now on we'll
"come up with a different way to kill people.
"What? Nobody's getting shot.
Don't get angry at me."
Also, uh, this completely undermines
the no-mask movement. Right?
'Cause what do they say?
"This is America-- you can't order me to wear a mask."
And now it's like, "I can order you not to wear a mask.
Now, that's freedom."
And speaking of freedom,
this next story comes out of Belarus,
the Ukraine of Lithuania.
Last week, the country's autocratic ruler
held an election that many election observers
say was a sham.
But in a country where citizens have largely been
quietly resigned to their fate, this time they rose up.
Authorities in Belarus say 6,000 people have been arrested
and one person was killed in the violent aftermath of
President Alexander Lukashenko's
-disputed re-election. -REPORTER: Opposition leaders
say the vote was rigged. Many of them had been detained
or forced to flee the country,
including the main candidate, Svetlana Tsikhanouskaya.
Lukashenko won around 80% of the vote.
He's been in power since 1994 and is is considered by many
as Europe's last dictator.
We want the people of Belarus to have the freedoms
that they're demanding, that they think are...
in their best interest.
Uh, we watched the protest, we... we urge that these...
that the nonviolent protestors be protected and not harmed.
Yeah, that's right. Belarus should protect
its nonviolent protestors the same way America does--
in unmarked vans.
And don't get me wrong, these were some strong words.
It just didn't help when Pompeo finished the speech
by shooting tear gas at the reporters.
I mean, either Mike Pompeo doesn't remember
how America treats nonviolent protestors,
or he just forgot to include some winks in his statement.
We urge that the nonviolent protestors be...
protected and... not harmed.