Hi Tripp, I've been following your advice on cold approaching and it has really transformed
my confidence and ability to meet new women. I've also purchased a number of your programs. Thank
you for your quality advice. He goes on to say, I had a quick query. What is your take on getting
the girl to organize the second date? I would propose it in a fun way eg. let's see who's more
fun. That way you are seeing if they are engaged and willing to put in effort. Also, you get to
see how their mind works and what they class as a fun date. My only concern is it may put off girls
as it is too soon ie. maybe it takes a few days to build attraction where the man is taking charge
and putting the burden on them so it might be too much. But then again, if they are interested,
they would do it. It seems like a good filter between high versus low interest girls. Your
insight would be much appreciated. Thanks again, Somil Lamba. Somil, what a great question.
I love it. A very unique question. We haven't talked about this too much,
although of course, you're going to hear some of the normal principles that come out here.
Basically, you're asking the question, should we get the woman to try to organize a second date?
What is the benefit of getting the woman to organize the second date? Is this something that
should be done? Is this a way to be able to tell between a high interest and low interest girl?
Here's my quick answer. My quick answer is, you don't want to do this. You don't want to put them
in the position unless they are proactive at doing it. But you don't want to put them
in the position of getting them to set up the second date. Remember that the courting process,
the process of building attraction is all done through you being a guy who is being dominant.
You as a guy being assertive. These are things that women are attracted to. This helps you
move things forward and at the same time build attraction because that is what the man does,
not because it's a societal thing. I mean it is, but beyond that, beyond it being a societal thing,
it's more important that you're doing it because this is masculine behavior. This is what women
find attractive when men take the lead. This is called leading.
Dominance, aka leading. D dominance is part of my TED formula. This is a question about dominance,
about you being someone who's leading. They are attracted to that. You never want to put
them in that position. Now, I'll say this much... here's a little footnote to this.
If you're dating a girl and you guys have been going on dates, when you're like really dating
her, like practically in a relationship 10-15 dates... yes, it would be nice
if she would set up the date. In fact, I would be a little weary. If she didn't even try to set
up one date by the time you're on 10 to 15 to 20 dates. But at the same time, you're the one
who's leading. If you're trying to know if she's low interest or high interest, you don't need
to do this as a test. You don't need the will she set up the second date as a test. Instead, all you
have to do is just set up the date because if she shows up, listen... this is very important here.
Because guys, I think you make it more complicated than you have to. If she shows up on that date,
she's interested. It takes a lot for a woman to say I'm going to get ready,
put on makeup, look my best, take time out of my life to go meet this guy for a second
time. This is enough interest – her being there and showing up. Now I want to also dig
into that a little bit. I always say that it's not just enough for her to show up on the date.
If you are someone who is looking for sex, so barring anyone who's religious, (and I know
there's people who listen to this podcast who are) if you're someone who's looking to have sex
and you're okay with sex before marriage, then you want to be attempting sex or initiating sex
and if she's not reciprocating to your initiation of sex, well then you're either in the friend-zone
and these have never been dates or maybe she's not in the timeline in it as you are. I tell guys
in my coaching program too... I tell them this... I say when you're dating a woman and
she's waiting too long to have sex but you want to have sex with her, maybe this isn't a match.
Guys will just like wait around. Well, maybe that's not the relationship you want. Maybe
you're not looking for a girlfriend right now. Or maybe you want someone who's going to be at your
level sexually so by the seventh or eighth date if she's still not interested in having sex with you,
that's pretty far down the line, you don't have to continue seeing her. And by the way,
I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Some people might think that that's very
superficial. Like, oh, all you care about is sex. Well, no.
You don't, clearly you don't. You've been on seven or eight dates with her and you're
interested in a sexual relationship and that's what dating is. It's a sexual relationship.
If you want a girlfriend, you can go and have a girlfriend and hang out and not have sex with her.
That's fine. But when you're building attraction, building a sexual connection with someone,
it's not just about dates but having sex. Again, it's up to you. Be honest with yourself. It's up
to you. If you're okay with having it be up to 10 dates without having sex,
by all means. That's your call. But if you're doing that as a way to try to eventually get
her to be with you, then you're lying to yourself. I think there's a little bit of a balance there.
Like if she doesn't sleep with you on the first or second date, then whatever. But hey, then again,
I'll go back on that too. Maybe you're a guy who's like, no, I just want to have sex with people who
are interested fast. If they're not interested in the first date, then I want to be done with them.
That is totally up to you, you could do that. I know of course, we're gonna ask for consent and
we're not gonna have sex without the woman's permission. All I'm saying is,
if you and her are not a match to be at the same pace as that then you don't have to be hanging
out with them anymore. She doesn't have to be the only one dictating this. Of course again,
you're not going to pressure her do anything inappropriate or illegal, but you can also not
see her anymore and that's totally okay too. You don't need to test high or low interest by
seeing if she'll set up the second date. Just set up the second date and be good with it.