WEEKEND?
WELCOME BACK TO "HOUSTON LIFE."
FAMOUS COMEDIAN AND ACTOR KEVIN
HART HAS A BRAND-NEW SHOW ON
COMEDY CENTRAL CALLED "HART IN
TH CITY."
>> AND IN THE SEARCH FOR THE
NEXT BIG COMEDY SUPERSTAR, HE
SELECTED TWO COMEDIANS FROM
RIGHT HERE IN H-TOWN.
JOINING US ARE CRYSTAL POWELL
AND TIM MATHIS.
HELLO THERE, FUNNY.
>> -- FUNNY PEOPLE.
>> HELLO.
>> HI.
>> SAY SOMETHING FUNNY.
>> IF WE DO IT NOW, YOU'RE NOT
GOING WAIT UNTIL SUNDAY TO SEE
THE SHOW.
>> THIS SHOW IS A BIG DEAL.
KEVIN HART, WE ALL KNOW KEVIN
HART.
HE'S IN EVERY MOVIE OUT THERE
RIGHT NOW.
WHAT AN HONOR TO BE IN THIS
COMEDY SPECIAL.
TELL US ABOUT THE SHOW.
>> GO AHEAD.
>> HUGE HONOR.
PLIEWJ PLATFORM -- HUGE
PLATFORM.
HE WENT AROUND TO EIGHT
DIFFERENT CITIES AND IN HOUSTON
THEY CHOSE FROM OVER 200 COMICS.
SO FOUR THAT WERE CHOSEN.
REALLY BIG.
>> IT'S PRETTY COOL.
AND THE HOOK OF THE SHOW IS THAT
IT'S COMICS THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN
ON TV BEFORE.
SO YOU'LL GET TO SEE THE TV
DEBUT OF 32 COMICS NATIONWIDE
AND FOUR FROM RIGHT HERE IN
HOUSTON.
>> LAST WEEK THEY DID ATLANTA.
COMING UP SINS IS RIGHT HERE IN
HOUSTON.
IT'S GOING TO BE FANTASTIC.
AND I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE CALLED
THE LOOSE CANNON OF HOUSTON?
>> THE LOOSE CANNON OF HOUSTON
COMEDY, YEAH.
I DIDN'T GIVE THAT NICKNAME TO
MYSELF.
BUT JUST KIND OF STUCK.
>> HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
>> IT'S A LONG STORY AND I CAN'T
GO INTO IT BECAUSE I BELIEVE
THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YES, IT'S A DAYTIME SHOW.
>> YOU'RE THE ONLY FEMALE REP IN
TEXAS, RIGHT?
>> GIRL POWER!
TEXAS MAGIC.
YES.
I'M THE ONLY FEMALEE SO IT'S
GREAT.
BUT THESE GUYS ARE AWESOME.
SO IT'S TOUGHER FOR A WOMAN
BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKE, WHAT IS
THE GIRL GOING TO DO.
SO IT WAS GREAT.
I WAS SWEATING IN SPOTS I
SHOULDN'T.
>> DON'T WE ALL.
>> ONCE IT WAS OVER I WAS
EXCITED.
>> WE'VE HEARD THAT BEING A
COMEDIAN IS ONE OF THE TOUGHEST
GIGS IN SHOW BUSINESS BECAUSE
YOU'VE GOT TO GET UP IN FRONT OF
PEOPLE AND MAKE THEM LAUGH AND
WHAT IF YOU'RE PLAYING TO A
HOUSE THAT IS JUST DEADLY.
WHEF NO, SIR ONE IS LAUGHING.
HAVE YOU HAD THOSE MOMENTS WHERE
YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE JUST
FALLING ON YOUR FACE?
>> IT HAPPENS.
SOME PEOPLE, I PAID $10, MAKE ME
LAUGH.
AND YOU'RE LIKE, WHAT?
JUST LIKE WITH YOUR FINGERS.
THEY GOT BACKUP DANERS.
THEY -- DANCERS.
THEY'VE GOT MUSICIANS.
AND IT'S JUST US FROM OURSELF.
AND AS YOU CAN SEE FROM TIM, HIS
THOUGHTS GET ON THAT SIDE,.
>> WE'VE GOT TO PUT YOU TO A
TEST, OKAY?
I'M GOING TO GET YOU GUYS TO
MOVE OVER TO THE PODIUM.
>> OH, NO.
>> HOW IS THIS GOING TO WORK?
>> WE'RE GOING TO GIVE EACH OF
THEM 30 SECONDS.
WE HAVE A COUPLE OF TOPICS.
30 SECONDS FOR YOU TO GIVE US
YOUR MOST FUNNY BIT ON THEM.
>> YOU READY TO DO A STAND-UP
ROUTINE.
HOW IS THIS FOR PRESSURE.
30 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.
>> WHAT'S THE PRIZE?
>> BRAGGING RIGHTS.
>> BRAGGING RIGHTS, EXACTLY.
>> LADIES FIRST.
>> CRYSTAL, WE'LL START WITH YOU
AND YOUR FIRST TOPIC,
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
GO.
>> IS MY MIC O
MY MIC IS NOT ON.
DO YOU EVEN SEE A MIC?
MY MIC IS NOT ON.
CAN I GET SOME WATER?
AS YOU GUYS CAN SEE, I'M GREAT.
I'M DONALD TRUMP.
AND YOU KNOW THE DEBATE IS GOING
TO BE SUNDAY AND IF YOU WANT TO
SEE SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY,
WATCH THE DEBATE.
CAN I GET SOME WATER?
I REALLY NEED SOME WATER.
>> 10.
>> BUT THESE GUYS, THEY'RE GOING
TO BE REALLY FUNNY.
THAT'S ALL I CAN TEL YOU.
>> Together: FOUR, THREE, TWO,
ONE.
>> GIVE IT UP FOR CRYSTAL.
THAT'S NOT EASY TO DO.
DONALD TRUMP IMPRESSION.
>> SAM, IT IS YOUR TURN.
STAY WITH THE ELECTION.
>> OKAY.
>> THEY GAVE ME WHAT IS IT,
HILLARY CLINTON, WHICH I THINK
ISN'T FAIR AS A GUY.
I'M SUPPOSED TO LAMPOON THE ONLY
FEMALE TO POSSIBLY BE PRESIDENT.
I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE
HILLARY CLINTON BE PRESIDENT.
WE ONLY HAVE TO PAY HER 77% OF
WHAT WE PAID THE LAST GUYS.
AND THE GOOD NEWS IS, SHE CAN
MAKE UP THAT MONEY THROUGH
DONATIONS FROM VARIOUS FOREIGN
GOVERNMENTS TO HER FOUNDATION.
NOT ONLY THAT, IT WOULD BE THE
FIRST PERSON EVER THAT DRESSES
LIKE AN OVEN MITT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> ON A CONSISTENT BASIS TO BE
PRESIDENT.
>> THAT'S IT.
>> THE OVEN MITT.
>> I'VE GOT TO GIVE THAT ROUND
TO TIM JUST FOR THE OVEN MITT.
>> HEY, WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN?
>> THEY WERE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
I CALL YOU BOTH THE WINNERS.
CRYSTAL, BACK TO YOU.
THIS IS HOUSTON SPORTS.
TAKE IT AWAY.
>> THIS IS ACTUALLY JUST AN
ANNOUNCEMENT.
I KNOW HOUSTON RIGHT NOW, WE'RE
UPSET BECAUSE OUR SUPERHERO,
JDGESZ WAT, IS HURT --
J.J. WATT, IS HURT AND OUT FOR
THE SEASON.
BUT I'M HERE TO TELL YOU GUYS,
HE'S NOT HURT.
HE'S ACTUALLY SHOOTING AN H-E-B
COMMERCIAL RIGHT NOW!
[LAUGHTER]
>> HIM AND MARTHA STEWART ARE
WORKING ON THEIR OWN COOKING
SHOW!
SO THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE H-E-B
GROUND BEEF AND ALL OF THE
MUFFINS YOU CAN EAT.
SO DON'T WORRY, HOUSTON.
J.J. WATT, OUR SUPERHERO, HE'S
JUST ON HIATUS.
HE'S NOT HURT.
HE'LL BE BACK.
>> TIME IS UP.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
>> THAT WAS GOOD.
>> REALLY GOOD.
>> HE IS ON A LOT OF THOSE
COMMERCIALS, RIGHT?
>> YES.
>> TAKE IT AWAY.
>> I'M DOING THE HOUSTON SPORTS
AS WELL.
WAVED A COUPLE OF ROUGH WEEKS.
THE ASTROS DIDN'T MAKE THE
PLAYOFFS.
J.J. IS OUT FOR THE SEASON.
BUT THE COUGARS, MY ALMA
ALMA MATER, THEY'RE RANKED
NUMBER 5 NATIONALLY.
IF THEY KEEP WINNING, I'VE
ALREADY TOLD MY LOAN PEOPLE I'LL
START PLAYING MY COLLEGE LOANS
BACK, SO THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
IT'S THEIR FAULT WHEN MY LOANS
ARE LATE.
THEY DID LET ME MAJOR IN
HISTORY.
HISTORY IS JUST AN ADVANCED
TRIVIA DEGREE AT THIS POINT.
IF YOU MAJORED IN HISTORY, YOU
MINORED -- IN UNEMPLOYMENT.
I'M HERE TO SAY.
>> I'M GIVING THAT ROUND TO
CHRIS CRYSTAL JUST BECAUSE OF
J.J. WATT.
>> HOUSTON TRAFFIC.
CRYSTAL, GO.
>> HOUSTON, I KNOW YOU GUYS
REALIZE WE WERE BAMBOOZLED.
YEARS AGO THEY TOLD US IF WE PAY
FOR THE TOLLWAY, ONCE IT'S PAID
FOR, WE'RE DOFNLT BUT RIGHT NOW
WE GOT THE GRAND PARK TOLL ROAD
TOLL.
WE GOT THE HOUSTON BELTWAY TOLL.
EVERYTHING YOU GOT YOU GOT A
TOLL ROAD.
YOU CAN GET HAPPY MEAL CHEAPER
THAN YOU CAN DRIVE EIGHT MILES.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN McDONALD'S
AND THEY CHARGE YOU FOR THE
EXTRA BARBECUE SAUCE, YOU TELL
THEM I PAID THE TOLL.
SO I DON'T NEED TO PAY FOR
NOTHING ELSE.
THE TOLL ROADS, I PAID FOR IT.
>> HOUSTON TRAFFIC, GO.
>> I MIGHT KNOW A LITTLE BIT OF
SOMETHING ABOUT HOUSTON TRAFFIC.
I LIVE OFF 290 AND 610.
SO IT TOOK ME SEVEN HOURS TO GET
HERE THIS MORNING.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THE PROBLEM WITH 290 RIGHT
NOW IS THE CONSTRUCTION
OBVIOUSLY.
290 IS LIKE WHITE PEOPLE
DANCING.
IT HAS NO SHOULDERS.
[LAUGHTER]
>> IT HAS NO SHOULDERS.
THAT WAS THE PUNCHLINE.
WE DO THIS A LOT.
THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
HOUSTON TRAFFIC IS TERRIBLE.
290 IS THE WORST.
GET IT FIXED OR I'M MOVING TO
DALLAS.
[LAUGHTER]
>> OH, NO!
>> OKAY, I GOT TO DECLARE A TIE.
>> LET'S GIVE THEM A ROUND OF
APPLAUSE.
THEY DID SUCH A GOOD JOB.
AND YOU CAN WATCH TOMORROW NIGHT
AT THE IMPROV.
AND THE COMEDY CENTRAL AIRS THIS